Who’s on the other side of this screen?

Oh, hello there again, gorgeous human! 👋

Ever wonder who's on the other side of this screen, quietly enjoying the ride, soaking up all the wisdom, wit, and occasional weirdness I pour out? Today, I thought we'd pull back the curtain a little and talk about who you are (yes, you!) and why on earth I keep showing up here to dish out the goods.

So, who are you, my fabulous reader? You're a pretty diverse and incredible bunch of 2k strong, you come from different corners of the globe, different walks of life, different perspectives! Amazing!

I don’t know whether you're young or seasoned, a city dweller, island limer or a country soul, an early bird or a night owl, all I truly know is that you found your way this space! Here’s what I like to think I know. I’m guessing you’re likely the kind of person who perhaps... 

Craves a little sparkle in your Sunday/Monday. You're not content with bland, beige content. You want something that makes you think, laugh, or feel a little lighter. But you aren’t afraid to get real. I do sometimes tackle some serious stuff, and well, I love that you're here for it too. You're open to new perspectives and aren't afraid to dive deep.

I think you probably have a wicked sense of humour because let’s be honest, my humour is definitely an acquired taste, and you, my friend, have acquired it beautifully. You appreciate a dash of sarcasm, a sprinkle of sass and you willingly forgive me for all my grammatical faux pas and jaunty random thoughts, seeing passed my errors and abandonment of structure and style in favour of the authentic! And so whether you're conquering the corporate world, raising tiny humans, pursuing your passion, or just trying to figure out what's for dinner later I think you're probably doing it with flair.

And so the million-dollar question I get asked most often is why don't I monetise this blog? Seriously, my reasons for pouring my heart and soul into this blog are pretty simple, and they have a lot to do with you! Really, yes, it’s because of you! All the people I meet IRL or virtually, every time I hit publish, I picture you all over the world reading it. I imagine a small nod of understanding, maybe a little smile, yup! Knowing that maybe something I wrote resonated with you, helped you, or just brightened your day for a moment, made you think deeply or sent you on a journey of further exploration. You see Blogging has become my creative playground. This blog is where I get to be unapologetically me. It's where I can experiment, be vulnerable, celebrate, and share all the quirky and random thoughts rattling around in my brain. It's my happy place, you're all invited and I’m so grateful you came! Thank you for being here, for reading, and for just being the awesome humans that you are. You make this whole thing worthwhile!

So, as I log-off for the next few weeks to finally travel on safari (a lifelong goal of mine). You know, I’ll return with numerous new inspirations and stories. I’m so excited to be spending time in a new environment, intentionally connecting with nature through my senses. Getting to dance to some afrobeats and amiapiano with the locals and finally getting to use my zulu (which I’ve been learning for the last 6 months).

I’m wishing you well, as you go forth to conquer your day or week or summer vacations, you magnificent humans! And maybe, just maybe, come back for another dose of whatever delightful nonsense I conjure up next … post-safari!

Leadership - Clean & Fresh

As I throw the dirty laundry into the machine this Sunday morning and pause to hear the reassuring sound of the “click” followed by the “woosh” of water and it gets me thinking about how nice it would be if sometimes we humans too could just have a do-over, a fresh rinse that washed away the week on occasion. I know for sure there are leaders who wish they could un-do some aspects of their weeks on occasion. 

I mean leadership is not a nice, straight path, let's be real, it's more like a washer-dryer spin cycle, full of messy washes, intense tumbles, and sometimes, a complete re-do because guess what? You forgot to put in the fabric softener! Or heck, and that pesky red sock found it's way in there!

Maybe sometimes my mind is wayyy too overactive but yup I managed to draw parallels between this week's dirty laundry and leadership. How the heck did I land here?

Things in leadership often start with a "Dirty Laundry" phase (read: challenges and problems). This is when a new problem or even worse an annoyingly reoccurring problem raises its head … a team conflict resulting in a push and shove, or a major project snag. Dirty laundry feels well...messy, chaotic, and sometimes, a bit overwhelming right! 

But leaving it lurking in the corner or trying to conceal it isn't going to work out well, why not? Because it starts to smell bad pretty quickly and well, you've got to confront the dirt head-on. Ignoring it just leaves ingrained stains in the long term … that sometimes never come out!

This is why I always welcome the sound of the "Rinse Cycle" (read: problem solving and iteration). The detergent kicks in! Here’s where we start to apply solutions, there’s the usual detergents, hmmm nope, you might try something cheap, something over-the-top, hit up a expert (for a rough to move stain) and take a recommendation, even tap into something radical - and try some totally different approaches, all ideas gathered from many, many different sources. At first you're trying to wash away the initial grime, but it often takes a few rinses and the application of something just a little bit different from the usual approach to get things truly clean. If you've ever tried Dawn in your whites, then you know! It's all about iteration, learning from mistakes, aiming for, but not being surprised by the lack of perfection on the first try. I mean where the heck did THAT sock come from? You feel like you're making progress and then all of a sudden .... brace, brace, brace...

Get set, it's "High Spin" time (read: high pressure and intense phase). Adrenaline rush much? Yup, somehow an overwhelming urgency crept up and into the whole situation to put it at def-con 4. That tight deadline means a sudden ballerina level pivot is needed, except most leaders aren't ballerina's! I mean sure I did a class or two back in the day but this is moving fast, things are whirring, and it can feel like, well, as a leader you're being wrung out! This phase demands laser focus, quick decision-making (do you continue, is the solution still right, have things gone off-balance, are things (read: costs) spiraling? If you've ever had you washing machine tell you the load is unbalanced, then you'll get the dilemma. As just like laundry, if you try to pull things out too soon, they'll be soaking wet and potentially unmanageable. Are you going to try desperately hard to avoid having to repeat the cycle? What decision is the right decision? Or, do you risk wrecking the machine and let it spin out? It can feel like a game of chicken of audacious dares which may or may not be rewarded by the airing your laundry or tumble dry phase (depending on preferences and what's possible).

Essentially the "Drying phase" (read: processing and reflection) may be welcomed by a soft gentle breeze, sunshine or, the gentle hum of the dryer. This is the crucial cool-down period. It’s about debriefing after a big project, major event, reflecting on what worked (go you!) and what didn't (go you!) and allowing ideas to settle. Without this phase, things remain damp, wrinkled, and ready to gather mildew. This is where real learning happens, and you begin preparing for ... well, the inevitable … the next load.

Personally my favourite part is the "folding and stacking" stage (read: organising and moving forward). There is a real sense of pleasure here for me! Unless, you have unknown unconsidered factors such as an unruly random things that come to knock down your piles. Yup! There may still be some lessons to be learned yet! It’s likely best to put away away as soon as you can, and prepare for the next challenge. 

This is about implementing lessons learned, refining processes, and getting ready to tackle the next "load" of leadership challenges.

Leadership isn't about avoiding the spin cycle, nope, it's about embracing the mayhem. It's an understanding that some days you'll feel like you're in an extra-heavy duty wash, and others, a delicate cycle that leaves everything beautifully clean and fresh. These are the days you’ll love! 

Why is leadership sometimes called a service? Because somedays you'll get "wrung out"! Put simply, every load is different it requires a different setting, or a hot wash to get rid of some lingering issues (read: stinkies). 

Meta-Human Leadership - Mandela

As the world grapples with unprecedented challenges, from climate change to social fragmentation, runaway AI and just downright absolute chaos, the very nature of leadership worldwide, is quite rightly, being called into question. What a week it's been, right!?

If like me, you may be yearning at this stage of the game for the emergence of a figure(s) who can transcend the ordinary, inspire profound change, and guide us towards a more welcoming and harmonious future. As the week has unfolded, I've found myself becoming rather interested in learning on the concept of the meta-human (through guru Deepak Chopra) which leaves me considering where such human led transformative leadership may actually be in today's world? 

The thing is wherever my thoughts on this subject took me over the week, I just simply kept finding myself returning each time to one figure, Nelson Mandela. 

Mandela, meta-human, how you ask? And, well what does that meta-human stuff even mean? 

Well, for me Mandela and his journey, is the embodiment of courage and forgiveness. An inherently meta-human, and profound testament to the power of the human spirit to overcome immense suffering and injustice. Mandela transcended victimhood despite being imprisoned for decades, I mean he absolutely could not have been blamed for succumbing to bitterness and revenge, but no, instead he emerged with an unwavering commitment to reconciliation and unity. It was a conscious choice to operate from a higher level of consciousness, moving beyond the limitations of anger and resentment. 

Then was his power of forgiveness, engaging with his oppressors to build a new nation, perhaps arguably his greatest act of leadership, that broke the cycle of hatred and violence, his willingness to let go of deeply ingrained emotional patterns absolutely aligns with the meta-human idea of disidentifying from ego-driven reactions to hold a collective future in his mind, even when it seemed utterly impossible. This ability to see, not just, beyond individual gain but to operate from a place of universal well-being is a hallmark of evolved consciousness is it not?

You see, the meta-human as someone who consciously goes beyond the limitations of the mind-body and experiences a greater reality, this relates to:

• Questioning reality, challenging assumptions about who we are and what is possible.
• Accessing deeper consciousness, awareness beyond the everyday chatter of the mind.
• Recognising our interconnectedness as part of a larger, interconnected whole.

If we view leadership through the lens of the meta-human, Mandela's unparalleled impact makes great sense to me. His leadership operated from a deeper wellspring of consciousness. He didn't just react to circumstances he responded from a place of profound inner peace and unwavering purpose.

I know this week's blog isn't my usual upbeat and chipper take on events but in our current world, we desperately need leaders who can operate from this meta-human perspective. Not necessarily figures holding down positions of power, but leaders in every sphere of lives, our communities, our workplaces, and our homes. Leaders not enslaved to their egos who can and will put collective well-being above personal gain or recognition. Leaders that can navigate complexity with calm and tap into intuition and wisdom beyond resorting to personal attacks and emotional meltdowns akin to the terrible twos. Leaders that can inspire genuine connection and collaboration. Empathetic and understanding leaders committed to long-term well-being, who prioritise the health of the planet and future generations over short-term profits, quick wins, quantity over quality and popularity polls.

The meta-human journey is a personal one, yet its implications for leadership are profound. Mandela, in his extraordinary life, offered us a glimpse of what such leadership looks like. Perhaps the meta-human is not so much a futuristic concept, but a timeless aspiration, potentially a call for each one of us to awaken to our full potential and, in doing so, to become the leaders the world so desperately needs?

Three baby steps I'm aspiring to take:

i)Identifying my own limiting beliefs. What stories do I tell myself about my capabilities or worth?

ii)Putting myself on ego watch, when do I need to right? seek external validation? react defensively?

iii)Being still and calm. Becoming my own calm during uncertainty and reflect on my true purpose?

I'm going deep people!

What’s your story?

We all have times, socially or in our working lives when we need to spark up a conversation with someone right? Where to start? Three words ... Similarity Attraction Effect. 

The fact is when it comes to meeting people, we do like people who have similar interests and motivations to us, so, when sparking up a convo an easy place to start is with a context relevant question. 

Why? 

Well, we're kinda hoping to find authentic reasons to like people, it's like detecting one little thing we might have in common, it builds shared values (aka: meet the ‘thread theory’). So, start with the one guaranteed thing you know you have in common? The situation or context you find yourself in. That could be "Wow, this is my first time in this venue, how about you?" At a party it might be "How do you like the jello shots? Or "Ohh, that coffee looks great". If you were in my ILM3 class this week "Wow, this module though, tough or what?! How are you finding keeping on top of the assignments?"

When we make the effort to take the leap and spark up a conversation with someone it's like we're building threads, and the more threads, the more connected we are. And it's reassuringly simple maths (TBH the only kind I can do) it says the more sparks you create, the greater the likelihood of connecting1 It's networking at its finest! 

You might be that kind of a person naturally, make yourself do it intentionally or be like most people and learn how to do it!

Lessons in spiritual intelligence (SI) and emotional intelligence (EI) can take us wayyyy deeper though in building connections and meeting new people by fostering far deeper self-awareness, empathy, and a more presence.

SI is self-awareness of your values, purpose, and beliefs, which forms a strong foundation for authentic social interactions. Do you encourage compassion, empathy, and understanding towards others, promote prosocial behaviours like kindness and tolerance? This is a sign of your SI! How far do you help/challenge individuals to see and value the uniqueness of others and their stories, this reduces fear and opens the space for genuine connection! Respecting others’ perspectives, also improves communication and supports conflict resolution. Me, myself, I truly believe we are all interconnected, so to cause harm to you, is to harm myself! Why the heck would I intentionally do that? We all have our values, beliefs, what are yours? What is the code you live by?

EI is developing empathy, the ability to truly understand and share others' feelings, which also builds trust and respect in new relationships. Again, self-awareness is key as it opens our minds to emotional management and presenting ourselves authentically and confidently in social settings. EI is developed by improving social skills such as active listening, emotional regulation, and effective communication, again, essential for networking and forming real bonds. Allowing us to navigate social situations with grace, turning initial encounters into meaningful collaborations or new friendships. Knowing all this doesn't translate to doing it though...hence it's always a proverbial work in progress or even better - a work in practice, to land powerful questions that fit who you are and build connections.

“What’s your story?” This is an awesome powerful question that lends itself to so many contexts and invites others to share their experiences, wherever to happen to meet a new someone, it helps foster SI and EI, a sincere presence and connection beyond superficial small talk. Don't get it twisted, I’m not dissing small talk! I just know many people reading this are looking to really connect on a deeper level BUT if this is too heavy, start with a light touch instead, it’s literally a numbers game my friends!

I know I've mentioned this before, (but metrics tell me new people are following my blog every week 👋) … Research shows the most popular people (read: the cool kids) are those who actually just ‘like’ people themselves (it's nothing to do with being more athletic, smarter, attractive, extroverted, or funnier). Therefore, being liked back just comes from a genuine operating place of people just liking one another people! I just love this fun-fact so much! It sure is interesting stuff to know about! 

So, if you're curious, how do you learn how to like people if it's not your natural operating mode? Well one good piece of advice when you're asked the usual mundane things e.g. "What do you do?" "Where are you from?" You know the usual socially scripted questions...flip the script and make things interesting my friends! Verbal games anyone? 

Where am I from? 

Guess? 

What do I do for work? 

Guess? 

Be like, OMG how dare you? And then guess back, sometimes you might even get it right. Go you!! You can have a whole fun back and forth, totally changing the dynamics of a conversation. I really like this recommendation from VanEdwards (Coms Guru). Try it!

And finally, here’s something to ask yourselves, as your oh so clever brain really needs to ascertain - do I feel safe to share my real answer? Do I feel safe to answer something that's not on the social script? Do I feel safe to not be interesting and/or disinteresting? This is the secret sauce and were the people lovers do extremely well, their 'love all' attitude makes others feel safe around them and that builds those genuine connects!

“Hello!” Using Your Voice?!

Your brain reacts to tone of voice before actual words! And tone of voice it determines how confident we perceive someone is! Infact, the nifty researchers find that we decide how confident someone is within the 1st 200 milliseconds of hearing them speak. 

200 m-i-l-l-i-s-e-c-o-n-d-s! That's fast people! So, hear this then, your tone of voice, it really matters people! 

Let's start with a simple out loud, "Hello!" 

That! Right there! You just signaled your confidence! Now think of a range of different situational contexts … the grocery store, at work, meeting someone new, greeting an old friend, walking out on a stage in front of a live audience, picking up the phone to your partner, a call from your Doctor that you're dreading, your kid's school calling, coming home to your pet…I’ll stop now! You get it!

So, what is it exactly that we be listening for to determine someone’s confidence? Well, it’s all about the relaxation and breath in your vocal cords because that impacts your tone. I have yet to find anyone that hasn’t uttered at some point the following infamous phrase,

“it wasn’t what they said,  but … the way they said it!”

Remember that time you got nervous? I mean properly nervous! You see, don’t we all get nervous, and when we do, we go higher in our vocal tone (and when we’re really-really-really-really nervous we sound like our vocal cords are being fried). It’s actually called vocal fry. The heart rate goes up, you start breathing shallower and if you're about to say “Hello!” it comes out from the top range of your vocal pitch and is reminiscent of a squeak.  

Confidence then, is to be found at the lowest end of our natural tone. Most males have an advantage here as they have a natural low vocal tone and downward inflection. 

Everyone has a natural vocal range. So how then to find your highest? Take a deep breath and say hello at the top of your breath, it's like you’re holding your breath. 

To find your lowest or bottom range, take a couple deep breaths, relax your vocal cords, relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, relax your mouth, and say hello on the out breath. Finding the lowest end of your natural tone is finding the sound of your most confident self and this applies to both dating and work. When speaking with this lower part of your voice, you are open and full of power and volume because you have space in your body. 

Space! Space? Yup, it gives you breath, and it translates to everything, your face becomes more open, your jaw is more relaxed, your shoulders are more relaxed. Politicians actually have training on how to do it!

Fun fact, we humans like to match the voice resonance of the most important person in the room? Read the room people! Positions might carry levels of authority but the real power houses are to be found by what’s matched and observable in any given space. Voice resonance is shaped by how sound vibrates in your chest, throat, mouth, and nasal cavities. A well-resonated voice has that rich, full sound. Actors are trained in it and can literally use their bodies as amplifiers without straining their voices - like ever! Some authority figures are also pretty good here.

I know, I know, you're like "Well Hello it's still me!" True-true-true! But trust me you sound totally different and likely would be treated differently based on the above two tone versions you present with. Studies back this up - they show that people with a lower-pitched voice are most often perceived as more authoritative and trustworthy. 

Last week, we delved into how cues change how people treat you. The same applies to your voice, if you speak with confidence, people are going to treat you likewise. And so, if you desire to be treated with more respect try it out and, try finding and speaking in those lower tones. You might be thinking… but I want to be accepted for who I am. I got you my friend! Life is all about choices, knowing doesn't mean doing or having to do, YOU DECIDE! 

Connecting & Flirting in IRL

A juicy question appeared on IG this week and I confess I was fascinated by the responses, the question was, why don't relationships today last like our grandparents - people had all kinds of thoughts, but the ones that pique my interest where around, trying to connect with someone IRL, it's the one thing across the board I hear from my guy and gyal friends - they want REAL connection! So, from the female perspective maybe I can be of service! And guys...you might just learn a thing or two here!

Ever wonder how to flick that switch and let someone know you're feeling them? It's all about owning your body and your voice (BTW voice needs its own stage so this this is going to be next week's blog!)

Those signals, they're oh-so clever! Listen up because the signals you're throwing out there? They're not just floating around, they're actually painting a picture of you in someone else's mind. Want more respect? Want more zing? It starts with you dialing up your cues! You're whispering (or maybe shouting with your eyes) ... it's all in your cues and once you know, you won't be able to unknow! This is gonna give you something to think about - so read on!

Now, get this, there are a whooping 97 cues! (if you know me IRL, then you know I'm a huge-huge-huge VanEdwards fan - the guru of anything communication) and we humans are tossing around these 97 cues like confetti at a party! We're nodding, we're gesturing, our feet are practically doing a secret dance, and our voices? They've got their own super-powers! Whether you're a dazzling extrovert, a cozy introvert, or one of the cool majority that is an ambivert (GO AMBI!), this applies to you.

Here's where it gets juicy. Ever sent out what felt like a neon sign of flirtation - maybe 3 killer glances - and then wondered why the human didn't come galloping over to you? My friend, you've just bumped into Signal Amplification Bias! We think we are being SOOOO obvious, but guess what, the Science says "Nope!" Those clever researchers hung out in bars and clubs, watching singles in their natural habitat. Turns out, even when people think they're laying on the charm, the other person is clueless. Yup! Researchers counted the flirty signals…drum roll…ready for it? In 10m it took a mind-blowing 29 signals from a woman to even register as 'interested' to someone else. 29! That's before any "hey, what's your sign?"

Side note: Are bars great places to find a partner? Who's to say ... not me ... I met my husband in a club! But I hear the best places are those that actually mean something to you and what you enjoy, so for me and my husband a club makes absolute sense, of course, but maybe for you it's the local Humane Society, your church, a professional working association, your salsa class, gym, donut shop...

So, where to start with these magical cues? We (us gyals) often obsess over an outfit, make-up, hair, nails, expensive scent, and while looking and feeling fly definitely doesn't hurt, it's ultimately our animal selves, our body language and how we signal our availability that wins the day! Say hello to flirty glances to get the ball rolling! They're basically your secret weapon. Here's the scene, you're casually sweeping the space and your eyes land on someone interesting? Bam! A little side glance, a quick look back. It's like you're just looking around, but then oops, there they are again! This works wonders for us ladies! Now throw in a little peek upwards through the lashes and you're rocking that certain 'je ne sais quoi', eyes slightly down, looking up. 💥 

And get this gyals, playing with your hair, adjusting your outfit (see above photo - my husband, he had no idea what I was up to) and well, here's the real juicy bit, when ladies touch their neck, mouth or lips, it actually releases pheromones ... we're all just animals at the end of the day right! Yup, you're low key putting your scent out there! 💨 This is where dating apps fail - because our natural scent, it is important! Don't believe me, if you were given a number of t-shirts pre-worn 'au natural' by different women and asked to rate them by likeability and then put a room of the same women to mingle without knowing who each t-shirt belonged to ... what do you think? Yup! Those initial sniff tests totally predicted who then clicked in person! There is something totally primal about scent...like TBH I do adore my husband's scent, truly, I know it sounds weird, even he thinks I'm weird but it's true - scent/smell it's completely subjective and we don't really understand why. It's like we love/hate some perfumes/colognes and often say they smell different on different people right! There you go! But I digress.

Now add in a few sweet smiles (and we know they're real because you really are genuinely crushing), and don’t forget to remember you've got around 29 to make, so play the long game and don't give up too quickly, you need to 'land the message' to begin to make the connection. The best part? Zero pressure my friends, if they don't catch your drift? 

Next! 

My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Gone!

Staring at my notes and to-do list it’s like it's all written in ancient hieroglyphics? Totally relatable? 

Today even the thought of answering an email, feels like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops, my first instinct? I'm declaring myself unmotivated. But hold up! What if I'm not unmotivated maybe I'm just... unmoved right now? 

Cue…Mic drop. 🎤

We’re all human, sometimes our biorhythms are just out of kilter, energy reserves are low, or just a feeling that today your tasks have all the excitement of watching paint dry. If you were ever excruciating ‘bored’ as a child or teen you get it! 

We're often sold this idea that if we just make ourselves, or download the right app, or bribe ourselves with a treat, BAM! We will become this hyper engaged productive machine. Ready to ditch the slump and rediscover your mojo? Here are a few MVPs of lasting get up and go for me...yup these are my pearls of wisdom on this subject!

1-Choice (Autonomy). Just knowing that I'm in the driver's seat! 

2-I Got This (Competence). Knowing my stuff.

3-It Matters (Relatedness). The thing I'm doing feels meaningful, either to me or the world around me. Sometimes the most mundane stuff can have massive impact. 

So, look out for what makes you tick, that way, when you meet a day that feels like a never-ending list of "shoulds" that don't resonate, you can get unstuck from the mud and go from "Ugh, I Have To" to "Ooh, I Want To!" 

My best advice?

Ditch the "shoulds" and dive headfirst into the "wants"! There's a huge difference between doing something because you have to and doing it because your soul says, "Heck yes!" That inner spark? I find that's where the real, long-lasting energy comes from. What would actually make you feel good right now? What would make this feel like it matters again? Try one of these three ways to reconnect with your inner sparkle!

 i)Tap into your why files! 

When I'm dragging my feet, I say to myself, "Wait a minute, why did my fabulous self agree to this in the first place?" Sometimes, you'll rediscover a deeper purpose hiding beneath the surface. Other times, you might realise, "Oh, right, I didn't actually choose this!" And that's a powerful intel ignition! It gives you permission to maybe renegotiate or even let go. Instead of "Ugh, gotta do this," try, "Okay, I'm doing this because it helps ''that'' awesome passion project I'm invested in!" Small shift, big difference in the brain!

 ii)Vybz check! 

Here's a sneaky little hack, don't wait for the magic fairy to tap you on the shoulder. Instead, kickstart the feeling you want to have once the task is done. Wanna feel helpful? Do a tiny act of kindness now. Need some energy? Blast your favorite tunes for a few minutes. Craving connection? Send a quick text to someone you adore. Once that good feeling starts flowing, the "doing" part gets a whole lot easier!

 iii)Sprinkle in some just because magic! 

When my whole schedule feels like a giant to-do list, my brain can quickly forget what brings me pure, unadulterated joy. The antidote? Make space, even just 15 glorious mins, for something you love, with zero expectations. I doodle like nobody's watching. I write something just for me. I wander outside just because I feel like it. I read something for absolutely no reason or end game. This isn't slacking off, it's a vital recharge that fuels my whole being!

Could it be the irony of the proving ‘I am not a robot’, is instead to just prove I am a rockstar? Try it and see! If your inner sparkle feels a little dim right now, please know you are SO not alone. You're likely not uninterested in life or demotivated, you're likely just craving something more meaningful than going through the motions.

So, ditch the guilt, forget the should/ought to, and ask yourself "What am I truly longing for?" and "how can I honour that?" 

Reconnect with what truly moves you!  

EI Your EmotionaI DJ

Emotional Intelligence (EI) isn’t just a “work thing”, it’s the magic ingredient that helps us thrive in both our careers and our personal lives, especially in times of change. Whether you’re leading a team through a big transition, juggling work and family, tackling new challenges or people or just trying to keep your cool in a busy world, EI is your secret weapon for success, happiness, and balance.

In my view, individuals with high EI are like emotional DJs, they read a room, tune into people’s feelings. Not only can they ably set the tone for positivity and resilience but they know when to drop the mic. Like all good DJ's individuals with high EI seamlessly mash-up the tunes, genres, beats inclusively, in this case, two powerful approaches on the decks (on deck 1: the cognitive approach and on deck 2: the competency approach to EI).

• Cognitively, individuals who can perceive, use, understand, and manage emotions are better at handling conflict, making decisions, and keeping everyone motivated during uncertain times.

• Competency reveals itself through self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Individuals who master these skills create trust, communicate clearly, and inspire others to pull together, not apart, when things get tough.

The result of the cognitive and competency mash-up? Better communication, stronger relationships, less stress, and a happier, more productive life, even when things are changing fast! Yes, EI will assist any human in the workplace (for sure), however, even better, EI does not clock-off when the work day is done, and individuals with high EI are both enjoying and moving with momentum to the sound tracks of their own lives. To the outsider looking in, this looks like:

• Handling lifes stress and setbacks

• Setting boundaries, managing self and time

• Nurturing healthy, supportive relationships

• Balancing work demands with personal needs (not losing that crucial sense of self) 

  

I’ve spent literally years of my life attempting to master emotional intelligence, being aware of my feelings, reading a room, managing vybz like a Jedi. I ‘think’ I’m an ‘okay’ Selector at this point. But having returned from hols, yes, carnival this week I can state with some confidence that nothing, n o t h i n g, prepares you for the emotional buffet that is a Caribbean Carnival, the loud music alone is enough to reset your heart rhythm ... and then there is the sheer volume of people, so so so so so many people!  I totally expect people to be jarred by me and my presence, and I’m unphased by this because EI has taught me to trust the intelligence of my most authentic self! 

When I look in the mirror at my carnival costume I hear my inner critic whisper "You’re too old, you’re too ‘this’, you’re too ‘that’, for this!” But then, my inner emotionally intelligent voice says, "Feel the fear, thank it for its opinion, now go make some new friends, connect, whine your waist and have fun." So, I do!

Numerous high-fives, bounces and sing-alongs later from various road revellers and EI wins the day! From bonding over rum punch and shared stories, nothing makes me happier than meeting new people, listening deeply, making space for awkward moments, embracing joy without apology … it all affirms that human connection doesn’t care about age, colour, nationality etc. it just wants you to show up authentically, joyfully, keep good vybz and an open mind.

Jumping in Carnival for me isn't just a party, it's a masterclass in emotional intelligence; managing my insecurities, tuning into others, knowing when to speak, and when to just dance, when to strike a pose and when to move on!

In the world of work EI is a key factor in achieving work-life balance and overall well-being. It helps you recognise when you’re stretched too thin, ask for help, and bounce back from challenges with a smile. Whether you're navigating political uncertainty, or just trying to balance life's curve balls, EI is your all-access pass to being more resilient, connected and fulfilled. It's not about a perfect utopia but an imperfect, real path in which you're able to remain curious, care about others without losing track of your own feelings and confidence.

Whether you're dancing through a carnival crowd or navigating the workplace and changing political landscape, EI is the secret sauce that makes everything smoother, deeper, and way more meaningful! So where to start? Self-Awareness. Boost your self awareness! I’m sharing a few ideas below!

1. Journal Jams ✍️  Write your heart out! Spill your thoughts and feelings like a teenage diary superstar.

2. Mindful Moments 🧘‍♂️  Chill out with deep breaths or a mini meditation-become the Zen master of your own mind.

3. Feedback Fiesta 🎤  Ask your friends to spill the tea on how you really come across. No filters!

4. Flashback Fun 🎞️  Play detective with your past-figure out what makes you ‘you’.

5. Who Am I? 🤔 Ask yourself “Who am I?” over and over to discover your cool hidden layers.

6. Life Timeline Time 📅  Draw your life story like a comic strip and spot the epic plot twists.

7. Body Check-In 🕵️‍♀️  Scan your body for feels-where’s that stress hiding? Find it and name it!

8. Daily Debrief 🗣️  Before bed, do a quick recap of your day’s wins and emotional rollercoasters.

Embrace your emotions with intelligence and see what happens! It’s a journey to the very core of who you really are, not everyone dare traverse there!

Hanging in there!

Easter is a busy time on the beaches of the Cayman Islands. It’s a camper's paradise. Ah, the call of the wild! Crackling campfires, starlit skies, the sweet symphony of ‘insecty-things’… it’s enough to make anyone yearn for the great outdoors.

But alas as any camper knows, before you can achieve peak nature-immersion, anywhere in the world, you must first navigate the wonderfully disheveled, slightly ikky and definitely bug-spray-scented vortex of the pre-camping countdown. It’s a chaotic jig of tent pole wrangling, who is getting/bringing what - and frantic gear inventory …  and increasingly desperate attempts to ensure you have what you need. In one week, the beaches of Grand Cayman will look less like a place of tropical tranquility and more like a tent convention exploded. It’s wonderful! Sleeping bags are draped over trees like giant, colourful slugs. The music is pumping. There are generators, mattresses, sofas … And the air is thick with the faint, yet persistent, aroma of sweet sweet barbecue smoke its actually an unexpected sight for visitors! Locally, it is super popular, and Caymanians really pride themselves on Easter camping. Given we have a date with our hiking boots and backpacks in June and July, we’re abandoning Cayman and jetting off for an all-inclusive relaxed week (please don't judge me), followed by a sea of soca chaos that is the annual carnival in Jamaica this Easter. yay!

But because the universe enjoys irony, the days leading up to any escape whether locally into nature or an all-inclusive resort, there are seemingly never ending preparations!

Suddenly, at work it feels like every email is a top priority. Requests sprout like stubborn weeds. I find myself simultaneously trying to finalise that presentation prep, remember to set my out-of-office (with a hint of smugness about my impending freedom), and mentally transition from the overwhelm. My internal monologue goes something like this: "Just one more assignment to mark… okay, three more… maybe if I just … FOCUS!"

Then of course there is all the home prep, my fur-baby, (bless the patient souls of our canine companions), all the frantic running around and cases being pulled out can be… perplexing. While there's a lot of enthusiastic tail wags followed by confused head tilts when I try to explain to my dog, Mr Scoobs, apparently, he is being led to believe that every pile of neatly stacked items is a personal invitation to him for a high-speed take-down. I can't wait for our pet whisperer to arrive (who flys to stay with us, and always says yes to love and care for our furry overlord while we’re off gallivanting) he is a god send. Scoobers in his senior years has developed some very specific preferences for belly rubs, attention and playtimes. We are lucky because our best friend, (Mr Primo) swoops in and embraces our interpretive doggy dance with grace!

This madness of course all happens in-conjunction with my seemingly never-ending laundry olympics. An event that deserves its own medal! It all starts innocently enough: "Oh, I should probably wash a few things." Cut to three days later and you're staring down the Everest of ironing. Deciding what to take and wear is challenging, ideally, I'd like to pack every cute outfit I’d like to wear. But my strategic folding of things is not going well.

Before Mr Primo's arrival we embark on the great kitchen purge! This is where we confront the reality of our questionable food choices over the past weeks. The goal is to empty the fridge of anything that could potentially achieve sentience while we are gone. This often involves us having a number of bizarre meals of random leftovers that no sane person would combine under normal circumstances. Tonight’s special? A toasted cheese sandwich, some salad that 'may.. be... ok', a slightly bruised banana - but wait.... hello donut! Bon appétit! 

Then, finally comes we need to get the house clean and ready for Mr Primo phase, combined with the I swore I was prepared phase. Just when you've cleaned, shopped and dropped and thought you had everything, comes the chilling realisation, you forgot something that leads to yet another frantic pilgrimage to the store. 

But amidst the chaos, there’s a growing sense of excitement and anticipation. Each packed bag, each carefully chosen item, each item on the to-do list covered, picking up Mr Primo from the airport, all means we are closer to our adventures. So, fellow adventurers wherever and whatever your Easter plans, take heart, for Easter symbolises hope, renewal and new life, not just spiritually but personally! 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I still have some stuff to do, so wish me luck! Happy Easter friends and see you, albeit virtually, again in May! And to my happy camping friends – may your campsites be scenic, with sleep and fun in equal measures, and your mosquito bites minimal!

World Boss-Battle!

Alright everyone, gather 'round the metaphorical campfire! As your friendly neighbourhood leadership facilitator, I've been doing some serious observing (read: watching the global drama unfold – don't judge!) And let me tell you, the world right now? I'm feeling like it's a video game on the hardest setting, and the cheat codes are constantly being patched! 

The current world boss trade tariff battle headlines have me feeling as a mere human I'm facing a multi-headed hydra. Meantime, tech's doing the cha-cha slide between groundbreaking and also slightly terrifying innovations. All while, our planet's reminding us of who's really in charge with some dramatic Mother Nature worldwide weather events that are almost other worldly. Only this morning we had a 4.1 earthquake in the East End of the Cayman Islands. 

And life, well, sometimes it feels like a circus act where we're juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle. You're not alone! Except connecting with each other can feel like trying to find the right Wi-Fi password on a dessert island. Personally, I am very ready for a vacation from 'the world', I'm at the walking into a room and forgetting why phase. Even with my attempts to consume less bad news, the constant cognitive overload has my brain feeling like overcooked noodles, it’s like, "Seriously? More bad news? I'm outta here, I’m emotionally tapped out!” Aside from fleeing the world and becoming a recluse for 5-days, which I will do in less than two weeks. Here’s how I plan to survive until then:

Firstly, doing just one thing at a time. Mono task, forget juggling fire while the keeping the unicorns happy! I'm putting all my focus on ONE thing at a time. It's like giving your brain a laser beam instead of a scattered flashlight and that mental fatigue - meh! It takes a nosedive.

Secondly, stepping away from the screen whenever I can. Short strolls, just closing my eyes and breathing. I need more chill vybz (read: hitting the reset button on my brain). While on vacation I will definitely take the first 5-days for a Digital Detox. So, I’m adjusting powering down the devices now as far as possible; hitting unsubscribe and turning off notifications and letting my brain breathe!

The last few nights I’ve been ready for bed super early, my body is telling me it needs 7-9h rest. Sleep is the ultimate brain recharge not to mention critical for future brain health, all brains need this duration to remove brain plaque (the stuff that builds up and causes brain malfunctions as you age) and when I wake - no news!

If the recent past has you feeling like every day is akin to climbing Mount Everest because your brain is bombarded with everything including the pressure of keeping up (and let's face it, the people we are trying to keep up with are probably just as exhausted as we are!) Then you might (like me) find getting moving equals getting happy. Dance, walk, do yoga – whatever floats your boat! Exercise is like a natural happy pill for your brain, shifting your focus from "ugh" to "yay!". 

As any seasoned gamer knows the toughest boss battles often unlock the coolest new skills! This global "boss battle" is forcing us to level up in ways we may never imagined - Remember when "pivot" was just a word not a daily mantra! Our ability to roll with the punches has us operating like seasoned dodgeball champions - it's admirable. 

As we embrace our glitching world try to see it as an opportunity for growth and innovation. People you disagree with might just sharpen your empathy sword, if you practice active listening, seek diverse perspectives, and connect with others on a human level. It's one of the most powerful weapons in your game of life arsenal.

Your flexible like elastic attitude already has you open to change, so keep on experimenting with new approaches, and don't be afraid to hit the "reset" button when needed. It all leads to boosting your inner awesomeness. By identifying your unique strengths and how you can use them to make a positive impact, no matter how big or small. If you don't know your strengths, I'm sharing this free link: Free Personality Test | 16Personalities (you can thank me later!) The world needs your unique strengths more than ever, so grab the metaphorical controller!

Enact multi-player mode, connect with your tribes, in person or virtually, and surround yourself with other awesome players who inspire and support you. We're all in this together! With soca season loading, I can't wait to meet up with my peeps near and far and get into my carnival spirit and "power-up". Infact even just writing this week's blog has filled me with renewed energy and hope!

How to Adult Learn!

Slightly sleep-deprived? Possibly. Caffeine-fuelled? Likely. Home looking like a tornado hit? Hmm. Work demanding your soul in tiny, stapled increments? Check. And then BAM! The looming spectre of assignments or exams, turning your brain into a frantic hamster on a wheel powered by pure panic. Sound familiar? Thought so. Double-check!

Now, about that magnificent, yet rebellious, organ we call the brain. You’d think it's your ally in this academic adventure? Bless your cotton socks. For many of us it's more like that frenemy who promises to help you move but then spends the whole time "supervising" and eating your pizza.

I love brain stuff I’m a self confessed brain nerd - but honestly - lazy? Brains are so lazy (read: too efficient for their own good sometimes!)

New information? Processing? Forming coherent thoughts? These heavy demands at the end of a busy day or week of work! Your brain just throw up its hands and yells. "Nope! Let's rewatch cat videos instead!" That's why passively highlighting text is about as effective as a chocolate helmet for a fireman. Your brain needs to actively engage to build those sweet, sweet neural pathways. Think of it as a brain jungle gym.

When faced with studying, for some of us, distraction can feel like your brain's oxygen! Seriously, one notification and we do a full-blown mental sprint to it. Focus? It can feel like some mythical creature whispered about in ancient productivity scrolls! Tip 1: Start by turning off your notifications,

Multitasking much? Hmmm, good-luck with attempting to conquer your to-do list while simultaneously being in an online session and messaging via your phone. Your brain is just not designed to do multiple things at once. It ends up just rapidly switching between each task, doing each one poorly and leaving you feeling like you've run a mental marathon…except backwards. (Tip 2. Don’t multitask).

Adult learning can be done, our brains have an amazing superpower called cognitive flexibility. As adults, we've lived a little, learned a lot (even if we don't always remember where we put darn phone), our brains are actually wired to connect new information to our existing knowledge.

It definitely is doable with the right strategies. Follow tips 1 and 2 (no distractions allowed) and try these:

3. Pomodoro technique. 25m bursts of effort, they’re like mini-sprints for your brain. Then, a 5m break. Get up, stretch, do a little dance – anything to get the blood flowing and give your mental circuits a breather. Think of it as interval training for your intellect.

4. Move your booty. Seriously, a 5m walk outside can work wonders. It's like hitting the reset button for your brain, you get a bigger boost of little happy messengers delivering brain-boosting goodness right where you need it. Check out the images below - they say it all! Don’t just sit and mindlessly scroll for 5m. 

5. Speak it. If you're just staring at notes until your eyes glaze over, try explaining the concepts out loud. This forces your brain to actively process the information and connect the dots. Plus, if you can explain it to your bewildered beloved cat or a willing human you’re on your way to better understanding it.

6. Celebrate - because let’s be honest, adulting is hard. Finished reading a chapter? Nailed that tricky concept? Written a paragraph? That's a win! Reward yourself (within reason, maybe hold off on the actual champagne but do acknowledge your progress). Your brain loves positive reinforcement, even if it's just a mental pat on the back and a “whoop-whoop, go-me!"

Adult learning isn't for the faint of heart. It's a glorious, messy, often secretive journey of trying to cram a whole new world of knowledge into a brain that's already dealing with finances, laundry, and figuring out what to make for dinner. But you're doing it. You're defying the odds and proving that adult brains are capable of amazing things.

So, embrace the chaos, show yourself grace and remember that every little bit of progress is a victory. 

What’s that? I hear a “Yeah… but….”

Well hello there my procrastinating friends! Let's get one thing straight, procrastination isn't a moral failing. It's a deeply ingrained neurological response. Your brain, remember how lazy it is? It simply prefers instant gratification over delayed rewards - facts. That assignment due next week? Future you's problem! That TikTok dance challenge happening right now? You brain says YES PLEASE!

So, you need to outsmart the pleasure-seeking missiles in your head. We don't fight them head-on (because trust me, they have more stamina). Instead, we're going to get sneaky. We're going to trick, cajole, and maybe even bribe the brain with the promise of something slightly less painful than the task at hand. Think of it as psychological jujitsu!

6. Remember how in last weeks blog I talked about micro-habits (breaking down big tasks)? This is procrastination's kryptonite. Your brain balks at the Everest of an assignment, but a single paragraph? A quick Google Scholar search? That seems manageable, right? Commit to just 5m of work. Seriously. Set a timer. Often, that tiny initial push is enough to build momentum and trick your brain into thinking, "Hey, this isn't so bad!"

7. You can also try the, "If-Then" power play. This is where you start setting the rules of engagement with your inner procrastinator. Create simple "if-then" statements: "If I finish the introductory section, then I can watch one episode of that ridiculous reality show." "If I review my notes for 20m then I get that dairy milk." You're essentially creating mini-rewards that your brain can look forward to, making the task at hand seem less like torture and more like a stepping stone to something enjoyable. 

8. Time block. Schedule specific times for specific tasks, and treat those appointments with yourself like you would a meeting with your boss (unless your boss is also prone to procrastination, in which case, maybe aim higher, LOL). Blocking out time creates a sense of urgency and makes it harder for procrastination to sneak in!

9. Still don’t trust yourself? Accountability buddy.
Find a fellow adult student who's also battling the procrastination beast and agree to check in with each other. Knowing that someone else is expecting you to have made progress can be a powerful motivator. Peer pressure, but the good kind!

10. Embrace the imperfect first attempt. Perfectionism is often procrastination's best friend. You get so caught up in trying to make everything perfect from the get-go that you end up doing nothing at all. Give yourself permission to write a terrible first draft. Seriously. Just vomit your thoughts onto the page. You can always edit and refine later. Think of it as sculpting, you start with a lump of clay, not a finished masterpiece. 

If all else fails, contact your tutor, most tutors are also doing some form of formal learning too, so they understand and can support as well as help hold you to account too.

“Now, go forth and do this!!!” 

🎓🎓🎓🎓🎓🎓

Breaking Bad!

Snacking in bed or at your desk is a slippery slope, a gateway drug to a life of groundhog days and nighttime despair (okay, maybe a slight exaggeration). 

We've all been there! You need to get something done at work or you’re in your flow. Or your favourite movie/series is playing at home and suddenly, the siren song of snacks begins calling even though you’re in bed. Whichever spot you find yourself in, before you know it, crumbs are raining down like a biblical plague and your desktop or bedroom sheets resemble the inside of a toaster. 

It’s an absolute dopamine dilemma, as that delicious first bite? Always pure bliss. Your brain releases dopamine, the reward chemical, making you feel amazing. But then there's the catch, your brain starts to associate your desk or your bed with that blissful dopamine hit. Soon, your desk or bed have become a trigger for snacking. Easy rewards without effort, leads to dopamine desensitisation, hence you need more to get the same dopamine hit! Hard to relate to? Think of it this way… do you ever go to check your phone for one thing and find yourself scrolling 30m later? Easy dopamine hits without effort. Same thing! It messes with your motivation, mood, and drives you want more stimulation. 

This then leads to work and sleep sabotage. Eating before bed in particular can interfere with your sleep cycle, leading to restlessness, indigestion and a rough night. Even worse before you know it snacking in bed starts to create a negative association with your bedroom. Instead of a peaceful haven, it becomes a place for indulgence and potentially effortless consumption…(read: guilt).

Sitting at a desk or being restricted to a workplace all day is bad enough; especially if your movement opportunities are minimal but then eating there too can make you feel like you're stuck in some sort of groundhog day scenario. Get up, stretch, and enjoy your lunch in a different environment. Your body (and your sanity) might just thank you. 

Ready to go breaking bad? Here's a couple of things you might like to try out.

• Declare your workspace and bedroom a crumb-free zone not a cafe. It's official. No more eating in these spaces, period. 
• If that is easier said than done and the habits are really locked in and as common as Monday morning coffee, try easing yourself slowly out of the habit. Create a designated snacking spot. The kitchen counter, the living room, the work canteen, a bench outside (read: anywhere but your bed or desk). 
• Give mindful eating a try. Paying attention to every bite, where it originates from, how did it come from source to your plate and palate, think of the whole journey and savour every bite. 
• Maybe try rewarding yourself for breaking the habit. Put a few dollars to one side each time broke the habit and use it to invest in you. You deserve it!

And there you have it ... make a decision to ditch the desk lunch habit, just pack up and head out. 

Lay (pun intended) the foundation for a great night's sleep with a nice clean, snack free (read: guilt free) bedroom.

Is Smaller Better?

It’s mid-March and maybe those big "new year, new you" promises have fizzled out faster than a cheap glass of bubbly? 

If you find yourself here I have something for you to consider - try embracing ridiculously small habits, known as micro-habits. The evidence shows these pack a surprisingly powerful punch!

Not heard of these before? Think ridiculously simple actions you commit to daily/weekly but consistently.  

-One push-up? Check.✔️ 

-A single cup of water? Done.✔️ 

Micro-habits might just be your golden ticket! They are so easy, so simple and therefore so do-able. 

And because, they don't trigger that "I can't even" voice in your head, putting it simply, means you’re outsmarting your brain, one tiny task/habit/experience at a time. 

Micro-wins give you a boost of confidence that makes you hungry for more. It’s a game changer! Their do-ability (read: literally can’t go wrong) means before you know it you'll look back and realise how far you've come and will intuitively begin pushing harder without your brain staging a rebellion.

Ready to give it try and dive into a world of tiny habits with big impact? Here are some micro-habit ideas just to get you thinking:

• Drink one glass of water in the morning.
• Do one push-up before bed.
• Write one paragraph for an assignment/article you need to complete.
• Stretch for one minute after waking up.
• Take one deep breath before eating a meal.
• Do one squat before sitting down at your desk.
• Save one dollar every day.
• Smile at yourself in the mirror  
• Walk to the end of the road and back.
• Take a single one minute mindful breath before starting work.
• Tidy one drawer.
• Write down one thing you're grateful for.
• Extend tooth brushing for 10 extra seconds.
• Eat one piece of fruit.
• Check your bank balance once a week.   
• Change one small detail in your daily routine.
• Big up one person (could be yourself!)
• Take one "brain break" at work.
• Laugh at one funny video or meme.

Want to conquer the literary world? Start with one page a day. Floss one tooth (trust that eventually this leads to more flossing and sparkling!) Spend one minute learning something e.g. Duolingo or YouTube.

Ready to create yours?

1) Dream big, start tiny!

What's your ultimate goal? Better health? More knowledge? A living space that sparkles? Let your micro-habits be the stepping stones to your bigger goals.

2)Ridiculously easy!

Make your habit so easy it's almost embarrassing. Want to exercise more? Start with ONE squat. Seriously, just one. You might feel like doing more once you're down there, but even one is a victory!

3) Piggyback power! (Read: habit stacking)

Attach your new micro-habit to something you already do. "After I take my morning coffee I will take a moment and smile at myself in the mirror. Or, I will park 5m further away and enjoy a short walk in nature. 

This is called habit stacking and it makes things even easier to remember and integrate into your day.

Micro-habits are all about crafting that life, that means you, that thing and things you want to conquer get seamlessly embedded one small step at a time!

You got this!

A Feast for the Senses or Just a Whiff of the Future?

Smell has been the underdog of VR for years. Sure, you can ‘see’ a virtual garden or ‘hear’ a sizzling steak, but without the floral wafts or smoky aromas, something’s missing. Enter scientists like Xinge Yu and Yuhang Li, who’ve cooked up wireless wearables that bring scents to life in VR. The devices use chic and wireless miniaturised odor generators that release smells within 1.44s. 

The applications are endless - sniffing virtual flowers, testing perfumes without leaving your sofa, or even therapeutic uses for memory recall and mood enhancement e.g. the smell of sawdust will ever fondly remind me of my grandfather who worked in a sawmill. And if you’ve ever been to Thailand - yes, they’ve even perfected the durian's infamous stench!

Adding scents will significantly boost the sense of presence in VR environments. Whether it’s the aroma of a virtual buffet or the stench of rotten food in a horror game, smells will definitely make virtual experiences more real. 

For my world of learning and development, my crystal ball tells me that smell enhanced VR isn’t just for fun - it’s potentially functional for learning and the future of education. Experiments show it can improve recall and creativity in educational settings. I also wonder how this tech could revolutionise healthcare?

While smell is stealing the show, taste is also waiting in the wings. How do you feel about tasting virtual chocolate or sipping your favourite beverage digitally? I still remember the excitement I felt the first time I tried NASA space food. The paper texture tasted just like real ice-cream! 

Studies have already explored how combining visuals, smells, and gustatory cues can trick our brains into tasting things that aren’t there, perfect for calorie-free indulgence!?

Not everything smells like roses though (pun intended). Current devices are limited and syncing smells with visuals remains tricky. I mean if they get it wrong, who knows what your immersive experience turns into? I still remember my first VR experience and getting badddddd cyber sickness. Urghhhh!🤢

I’m really hoping the future is fragrant with smell and taste finally stepping into AR and VR’s sensory symphony. Can you imagine all the things you’ll be able to taste, smell, see and experience!!

The places we can go!! I’m already over-excited about the sensory revolution and it’s barely just getting started! 

Playful not Painful

Using humour in dating reportedly makes a person appear more attractive or intelligent. In the longer-term how does humour in a relationship play-out?

I mean, let’s be real all relationships short and long hit a few bumps and misunderstandings from a playful joke or two. Joking around at any age or stage of a relationship is totally normal. Afterall, making one another laugh can be the secret sauce that keeps things fun and bonded. That light-hearted teasing (read: flirting) keeps the attraction alive. And then teasing around your inside jokes can result in all kinds of happy, love reward chemicals being created. Indeed, it is said that couples who laugh together often report higher satisfaction in their relationship. I feel I can vouch for this!

But when that “funny” line gets crossed into something mean-spirited, it’s no longer fun — it’s a potential problem.

At its worst "harmless" joking around might leave emotional bruises, perhaps making the recipient feel insecure over time. Jokes about your partner’s hair, cooking skills, or weird ways, at first, perhaps - no biggie, BUT over time, those "funny" comments can build resentment, making things feel less like a loving partnership and more like a silent battle zone, triggering the fight/flight response.

Wondering if your playful back-and-forth has crossed a line? Here’s a couple of my personal no-no's (read: humour boundaries).

• Mocking your partner about their looks or their intelligence.
• Insulting (making fun) of family or friends. Not a good look. You’re creating unnecessary tension and throwing shade where it’s not needed.
• Teasing as a way to criticise (insult) or vent frustration. Teasing is meant to be lighthearted, not loaded.
• Targeting known insecurities or past traumas. Never use humour as a weapon. Not cool!

Note, it can be really uncomfortable to observe socially your boundaries being crossed within other peoples relationships too, e.g. we find it really hard if not impossible to stomach others bad humour especially relationships in which you notice one partners sense-of-humour is causing a little more friction than fun. This can be harder though to see in ourselves? I'm here to help! We all have our blind spots! 

• Ask your partner right now - "Hey, I was wondering - do I ever take my jokes and teasing too far?"
• "I want to make sure I'm not teasing you in a way that bothers you - how do you feel about my teasing?"

Depending on the answer it may be time to hit pause and reevaluate. Knowing your partners humour-boundaries is crucial. Everyone is different, some people love a little playful teasing, others? Not so much. Paying attention and adjusting accordingly is going to be really important for your relationship to survive, nope, strike that - thrive!

Because life is full of those moments when everything that can go wrong does, but it’s exactly those chaotic messes that when handled with appropriate humour (read: don’t panic people) that some of the most treasured and laughed about memories are made. Think about it: the time I spilled that extra- large coffee all over our entirely white room hotel room bed/carpet/wall in Hawaii! Or trying to free our rental car from that locked lot on New Years Day and ending up in the police station. Then, there was that bed we broke in Fuerteventura! Oh my! These aren’t just mishaps; they’re the stuff of legendary stories and belly laughs. So, having a loving and good humoured relationship is vital for the next time life decides to throw your relationship a curveball, just remember: it’s all about perspective. Keep that humour sharp and those memories will become the highlights of your life’s relationship shared story.

When handled right, and done right, mishaps and jokes are a fantastic bonding experience. So, keep it light, keep it loving, and keep it about the laughs to bring you closer. If your idea of fun is causing more hurt than laughter, it’s time to dial it back and not make your partner feel like they’re the punchline.

Remember, fun times should lift up, not knock down!