A juicy question appeared on IG this week and I confess I was fascinated by the responses, the question was, why don't relationships today last like our grandparents - people had all kinds of thoughts, but the ones that pique my interest where around, trying to connect with someone IRL, it's the one thing across the board I hear from my guy and gyal friends - they want REAL connection! So, from the female perspective maybe I can be of service! And guys...you might just learn a thing or two here!
Ever wonder how to flick that switch and let someone know you're feeling them? It's all about owning your body and your voice (BTW voice needs its own stage so this this is going to be next week's blog!)
Those signals, they're oh-so clever! Listen up because the signals you're throwing out there? They're not just floating around, they're actually painting a picture of you in someone else's mind. Want more respect? Want more zing? It starts with you dialing up your cues! You're whispering (or maybe shouting with your eyes) ... it's all in your cues and once you know, you won't be able to unknow! This is gonna give you something to think about - so read on!
Now, get this, there are a whooping 97 cues! (if you know me IRL, then you know I'm a huge-huge-huge VanEdwards fan - the guru of anything communication) and we humans are tossing around these 97 cues like confetti at a party! We're nodding, we're gesturing, our feet are practically doing a secret dance, and our voices? They've got their own super-powers! Whether you're a dazzling extrovert, a cozy introvert, or one of the cool majority that is an ambivert (GO AMBI!), this applies to you.
Here's where it gets juicy. Ever sent out what felt like a neon sign of flirtation - maybe 3 killer glances - and then wondered why the human didn't come galloping over to you? My friend, you've just bumped into Signal Amplification Bias! We think we are being SOOOO obvious, but guess what, the Science says "Nope!" Those clever researchers hung out in bars and clubs, watching singles in their natural habitat. Turns out, even when people think they're laying on the charm, the other person is clueless. Yup! Researchers counted the flirty signals…drum roll…ready for it? In 10m it took a mind-blowing 29 signals from a woman to even register as 'interested' to someone else. 29! That's before any "hey, what's your sign?"
Side note: Are bars great places to find a partner? Who's to say ... not me ... I met my husband in a club! But I hear the best places are those that actually mean something to you and what you enjoy, so for me and my husband a club makes absolute sense, of course, but maybe for you it's the local Humane Society, your church, a professional working association, your salsa class, gym, donut shop...
So, where to start with these magical cues? We (us gyals) often obsess over an outfit, make-up, hair, nails, expensive scent, and while looking and feeling fly definitely doesn't hurt, it's ultimately our animal selves, our body language and how we signal our availability that wins the day! Say hello to flirty glances to get the ball rolling! They're basically your secret weapon. Here's the scene, you're casually sweeping the space and your eyes land on someone interesting? Bam! A little side glance, a quick look back. It's like you're just looking around, but then oops, there they are again! This works wonders for us ladies! Now throw in a little peek upwards through the lashes and you're rocking that certain 'je ne sais quoi', eyes slightly down, looking up. 💥
And get this gyals, playing with your hair, adjusting your outfit (see above photo - my husband, he had no idea what I was up to) and well, here's the real juicy bit, when ladies touch their neck, mouth or lips, it actually releases pheromones ... we're all just animals at the end of the day right! Yup, you're low key putting your scent out there! 💨 This is where dating apps fail - because our natural scent, it is important! Don't believe me, if you were given a number of t-shirts pre-worn 'au natural' by different women and asked to rate them by likeability and then put a room of the same women to mingle without knowing who each t-shirt belonged to ... what do you think? Yup! Those initial sniff tests totally predicted who then clicked in person! There is something totally primal about scent...like TBH I do adore my husband's scent, truly, I know it sounds weird, even he thinks I'm weird but it's true - scent/smell it's completely subjective and we don't really understand why. It's like we love/hate some perfumes/colognes and often say they smell different on different people right! There you go! But I digress.
Now add in a few sweet smiles (and we know they're real because you really are genuinely crushing), and don’t forget to remember you've got around 29 to make, so play the long game and don't give up too quickly, you need to 'land the message' to begin to make the connection. The best part? Zero pressure my friends, if they don't catch your drift?
Next!
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