Leading with Scars

In the world of work, the echos of ‘individuals needing to toughen it out’ and leaders developing a ‘thick skin’ linger. But to be candid these notions that feel as outdated as dial-up internet. As a leadership facilitator, I often say, leadership isn't about role modelling being perfect or unbreakable, it’s acknowledging the personal and professional scars we carry.

Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t see this acknowledgement as a burden, they see it as a map. They know the old ‘suck it up’ mentality is incredibly damaging. Leading with an understanding of scars means recognising that people respond differently to stress and challenges based on their past experiences. This isn't about coddling, it's about understanding that sometimes a seemingly irrational reaction might actually be a deeply ingrained protective response. Leading with scars focuses on giving people agency and a voice. Yup, it’s time to break out those awesome coaching skills! It's about involving individuals in decision-making, offering choices, and valuing their input, which helps them reclaim a sense of control. This isn't a deficit-based approach, it’s about raising human potential. When we create an environment where people feel seen, heard, and safe, their capacity for creativity, collaboration, and resilience expands exponentially.

There is a lot of ‘talk’ about psychological safety but action shouts so loud they drown the 'talk'. Action is the foundational action of building a safe harbour, a space and place where team members feel genuinely safe to be vulnerable, make mistakes, ask for help, and express their needs without fear of judgment or retaliation. When this foundation is embedded leading with scars affords the mutual understanding that a sudden outburst, withdrawal, or defensiveness might not be a personal attack but a reaction rooted in past experiences and trauma. Something for leaders to consider is, what if the key to unlocking potential in the workplace lies more in the ways leaders connect with each individual on a team, not just in strategy and alignment.

This isn't about blaming, it's about understanding. We naturally gravitate towards people we click with, and that's perfectly human. The magic happens though when we consciously expand that circle of connection, ensuring that every team member feels that same sense of warmth, respect, and opportunity. Imagine the collective energy when everyone feels truly included and safe enough to challenge and be challenged. This is the heart of psychological safety, the shared belief that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking. 

Elevate your leadership and critically review how safe it is for team members to speak up and challenge. Think about: Who do I naturally gravitate towards on my team, and why? Am I truly giving everyone on my team a fair shot at exciting projects and meaningful feedback? How do I respond when someone courageously offers a different perspective to mine? Do I often find myself surrounded by agreement? When was the last time someone (felt safe enough to) genuinely challenge an idea? Can I recall initiating authentic social exchanges with every team member? Was I doing ‘the rounds’ or genuinely connecting with them? When? How do I personally model and champion a culture where respectful challenge isn't just ‘allowed’, but genuinely celebrated?

These aren't just questions, they're inclusive invitations that foster a deeper level of leadership, one that profoundly impacts the energy and effectiveness of a team. Human nature means our brains are incredible social organs, wired for connection and belonging. When we feel connected and safe, our brains release wonderful neurochemicals like oxytocin, often called the 'bonding hormone', this makes us feel good, trusting, and more open to collaboration. 

However, as we know, our brains also have ancient protective mechanisms. If some team members consistently receive more positive attention or opportunities, others might unconsciously feel left out or undervalued. This can trigger a subtle threat response in the brain, activating areas like the amygdala. When this happens, their focus shifts from creative problem-solving to self-preservation, dampening natural enthusiasm and willingness to take risks.

When team members feel psychologically safe, their brains can truly flourish. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for creativity, critical thinking, and innovation, is fully engaged. If team members hesitate to offer alternative viewpoints, are quiet in meetings then leaders this is your gentle signal. It means there's an incredible opportunity to nurture an environment where boldness and fresh thinking are celebrated. The incredible truth is that when you prioritise genuine connection and psychological safety, the positive effects ripple outwards, transforming an entire team. Leaders have the incredible power to be a catalyst for this transformation. By consciously fostering fairness, openness, and genuine connection, you cultivate a vibrant ecosystem where every individual on a team feels empowered to thrive.

Show your commitment by building environments where every talent is seen, every voice is heard, and every person feels they truly belong because leading with scars means being transparent in communication, clear about expectations, and consistent in actions. This builds trust and helps regulate anxiety. As I like to say, “You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust the sails.” Predictability is your team’s sail! And if your sail tears your crew is on hand to help repair and get you back to the safe harbour. 

Leading with scars is a powerful approach to leadership that is about moving beyond the superficial and creating a truly human-centric workplace that is a testament to strength, and where every individual is supported on their journey toward well-being and peak performance. Because when people feel safe, they can truly become unstoppable.

The Everyday Athlete

Good morning, afternoon, or indeed, whatever time it is that you've found yourself scrolling through this particular corner of the internet! Now, in my numerous years I've had the distinct pleasure (and occasional terror) of witnessing humanity in various states of dress, or undress, as the case may be. But there is one pervasive fashion phenomenon, since 'lock-down' that has truly captured my attention, and that, my readers, is the ubiquitous reign of leisure wear as everyday wear. 

Whether it's a pair of JD Sports jogging bottoms or a resplendent figure enhancing legging, everyday sportswear is a fascinating societal shift. The sheer variety one can now acquire, jogging bottoms in cashmere (for the truly committed lounge-wear connoisseur), in leather (for the slightly more adventurous, and presumably well-ventilated, individual), and in patterns that would make a kaleidoscope blush. 

But within this grand tapestry of technical fabrics and elasticated waistbands, there exists some kind of elite statement? A declaration to the world that you are, at minimum, contemplating a yoga class, or perhaps just very, very good at running errands in comfort. 

Why does leisure wear hold such sway? Its even infiltrated many workplaces which offer polo shirts in a vast range of colours. Is it more than being physically comfortable? Is it profoundly psychologically comforting too! Donning a look derived from looking as though you’ve just come from, nor are about to go to, something infinitely more active and purposeful than simply sitting at your desk or running errands. Psychologically are we, at least outwardly, signaling our allegiance to a wellness movement. We are, in essence, joining a club of sorts.

This club may lead to the sweaty confines of the gymnasium, your desk or the privacy of one's own living room for a particularly vigorous bout of napping. I for one embrace the comfort even if just heading to the supermarket. I confess I artfully pair my leisure wear with a handbag and a different attitude that actually makes me walk the talk and leads to me actually deeply contemplating the merits of organic kale and kombucha. 

But is it just physical or psychological comfort or simply feeling good? Or, are we, as a society, collectively signalling our readiness for anything? Hmmmm...?

If I’m honest I suspect my attire is a clever bit of self-deception. A silent, collective nod to the aspirational athlete within me, even if that athlete's primary focus is WFH  in comfort rather than a sudden impromptu marathon, spontaneous burpee competition, or the more likely … rapid descent into the nearest comfortable chair.

Living in the Cayman Islands where the seasons range from, “hot, hotter and hot as heck”, the technical fabrics, designed to wick away sweat from exertions I haven't actually made as yet are perfect for this hot climate. I’ll admit, after a long day of navigating the complexities of leadership the allure of something soft and yielding is not to be underestimated. The sporting textile takeover in my wardrobe paired with my brightly coloured trainers, practically vibrates with the unspoken promise of a personal best, despite many of them having never touched a track but are my footwear of choice any day or night!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe my … onesie leisurewear is calling and there's a particularly demanding sofa cushion that requires my immediate attention and I do believe it's perfectly aligned!

Your AI Flex

Whatever your generation, you likely have a touchscreen in your hand, a multitude of AI apps and digital assistance woven into the very fabric of your existence. So, it's time to have a moment of real talk about how you’re chatting up your digital overlords, I'm talking, Siri, Alexa, Ziggy. Google Assistant, whatever disembodied voice is currently assisting in the running your life.

Have you ever cringed when hearing a child bark a terse demand at their parent in the same way they bark commands at Alexa or even paused to think about what those quick terse commands, or so-so-sweet "pleases and thank you's” or moments of utter frustration actually mean? 

We've all been there, your device or AI misunderstands you for the third time, and suddenly, your voice changes towards the mic, like the tech personally offended your ancestors. "ALEXA, I SAID PLAY 'xxx' NOT 'xxx'!" "NO ALEXA!" ÄLEXA STOPPPP!" 

What's the psychological tea? 

AI, I'm afraid to say, is nicely exposing our human frustration tolerance levels, our outbursts are a reflection of our human 'locus of control' and how we humans manage unexpected setbacks? When things don't go as planned, some of us lash out at the perceived source of the problem. It's an attempt to regain control in a situation where you feel powerless. Or is it more than that? As of course there is also the perception that the digital world is a safe space to blow off steam without actually offending a human. What? Your AI doesn't have feelings?  

Well...yet! 

How do you engage with your digital overloads and what might it  mean?

There is the polite working relationship. You know who you are. The ones who religiously say "Please" before asking Alexa to play that hyper-specific EDM track, and then give a heartfelt "Thank you" after Siri tells you the weather. You might even give an apology if you interrupt your AI. What's the heck is happening here? Congrats, if this is you! You’re showcasing some deeply ingrained social conditioning! This isn't just about being a good human (though, respect and kudos). Psychologists call this anthropomorphism, where we unconsciously attribute human-like qualities to non-human things. From the moment we were tiny, we were taught manners right! Well Gen-Zer tops the charts here, apparently almost 7/10 say please and thank you when speaking to ChatGTP (which comes with whooping cost to electricity consumption too). So why? Our brains, being the efficient (and sometimes lazy) organs they are, applies the same social rules to anything that responds to you, even if it's just a bunch of algorithms in a fancy speaker. But here’s something else to consider, some research suggests a subtle, almost primal instinct at play too. Are you low-key trying to stay on your overlord's digital good side? We might joke about it, but seriously there's a part of our brains that's always assessing power dynamics and ... IF ... if AI does become sentient, you want them to remember you as the polite one, right? It's less about "fear" and more about an unconscious evolutionary survival strategy! 

Then there are those of us who treat our AI like a glorified button. "Lights off." "Timer, five minutes." No pleasantries, no fluff. Just pure, unadulterated efficiency. You're basically giving commands into the void and expecting results. You see your AI exactly for what it is, a highly sophisticated utility. Your brain isn't wasting energy on social niceties because there's no perceived social being on the other end. It’s all about the outcome. This can be a sign of high cognitive offloading, where you trust the AI to handle the mental heavy lifting without needing to engage in unnecessary social rituals. But beware, my efficient friends! While being direct saves time, some experts wonder if this hyper-transactional approach is subtly reshaping our expectations of all interactions. Are we slowly becoming less patient with human inefficiency because our AI is always on point? Can we not live without it? Just something to ponder while your smart home flawlessly executes your commands. Which takes us nicely onto ...

The emerging slightly-too-comfortable personal relationship, like asking Alexa about her favorite colour, trying to get Siri to tell a joke, or even, dare I say, having full-blown philosophical debates with ChatGPT. The psychological tea? Okay, this is where it gets juicy. For some, especially in an increasingly digitally isolated world, AI is indeed becoming (has become) a source of "perceived companionship." This isn't to say you're replacing your BFF, but the non-judgmental, always-available and amiable nature of AI can fill certain human voids. Research, particularly around AI companions, highlights how people feel genuine comfort and reduced loneliness, and as we already established the digital space may feel like a safe space to explore thoughts, or even just hear a friendly voice. The tendency to form connections, even superficial ones, with AI stems from our innate human need for social interaction. When that need isn't fully met, our brains will find alternative sources (think: Tom Hanks and Wilson!) even if the source is an algorithm mimicking human conversation. It's a testament to our profound social wiring, even if it manifests in unexpected ways.

Ultimately, how we talk to our AI may tell us a little about our psychological flexibility in adapting to a world where lines between human and machine are increasingly blurred, and your brain, well it is doing its best to make sense of it all using the social rulebook it knows. So next time you bark a command or offer a wonderfully polite "very good, thank you" to your digital helper, take a beat. Are you being a courteous co-habitant with your tech? An efficient operator? Or maybe, just maybe, you're practicing for a future where your AI might actually ‘fess up to always be listening (as you suspected all along), judging and keeping the score!

Geopolitical Campfires & Gratitude

Is it just me but an unspoken rule of travel is to avoid heated political debates. After all, isn't the goal to relax and maybe bond, not spark heated arguments that could ruin the vybz right? Well, our most recent adventure took us on a fascinating detour to the enchanting Kingdom of Eswatini and this compact nation welcomed us with open arms and offered a rich tapestry of cultural experiences, breathtaking landscapes, and absolute warmth from its people, as well as some deep and fascinating conversations!

I mean, I really enjoyed Eswatini, from the children and parents waving eagerly on their very early morning walks to school through vibrant cultural villages, to learning about traditional family life with a local Manzini tribe (which resulted in one of my fav vacay memories, which was the opportunity to dance alongside formidable tribeswomen) ...Eswatini was quite captivating and I highly recommend a visit!

I did not know until we travelled to this country, (formerly known as Swaziland) that a key aspect of Swazi traditional family custom is the concept of a patriarchal homestead. Yes, male heads act as the central authority and are encouraged to take wives (yes, wives - plural), and the King himself has multiple, rumours are 15! As long as a man has the necessary financial standing (gauged by livestock, aka: cows) and I suspect a granite level state of mind ... he may take, ney, is positively encouraged, to take a number of wives! The king’s father was rumoured to have 70 wives! It was one way to the unite clans.

The catch? He must also provide for each wife, traditionally this was with three homesteads each (I loved the beehive style huts (which are completely mobile by the way); "Why three I asked?" One for cooking, one for sleeping and one for ... making beer! Three homesteads per wife! 

It was fascinating talking to the tribe, as elsewhere in the world polygamy can be quite the unspoken topic! However, the tribal homesteads encouraged us to ask all the fascinating questions, and we learned so much about some intriguing customs where gender division is reflected in everything from men entering first (to the right, then women to the left), sleeping arrangements reflecting the same tradition, and then there is the night-time 'secret (!) knocks on wood' along with the agreed upon age at which the children move out of sleeping in the parental (aka. mother's) hut, which for future reference is when their arm can reach over their head and touch their opposite ear!

So, as we sat, under the stars at night, enveloped in a smell I can only describe as "impala outdoorsy." My inner monologue couldn't have been happier even if I did smell like a booma. The quintessential outdoor setting, the crackling communal campfire with strangers, eventually (niceties all done) led to the sharing of some tasty geopolitical stories. For, Eswatini stimulated so much conversation; health, gender, politics, security, economy, education, borders, freedoms, monarchy and social issues, it was all on the table here! For Eswatini was an unexpected surprise, offering a unique glimpse into Swazi traditions through the eyes of both visitors and locals. Swazi locals spoke in hushed tones on the growing discontent around the monarchy and political/economic situation in Eswatini. You see Eswatini is Africa's last absolute monarchy and the king holds authority over all branches of government. Infact, political parties have been banned for as long as I have lived (yup...1973!) Imagine that, the monarchy really has a strong hold! But...I would add that from what I saw and heard, Eswatini is a country in transition. While patriarchal norms remain strong especially in rural areas, urbanisation and education are shifting expectations. Polygamy while legal, is apparently losing popularity due to the financing (lobola aka: brides price). More women are pursuing careers, taking leadership roles, and challenging the old ways, while men hold most public authority, today, as was the case at our abode, we found a Swazi woman running the accommodation and a man preparing the meal for visitors, it signs that change is in the air.

Sitting around the campfire at night and talking geopolitics I found myself repeatedly thinking how fortunate I am, the place of my birth on this earth, my citizenship, access to health and education, my ability to make my own decisions, to be able to work and earn a living that affords me travel, freedom and glorious adventures with my amazing life partner. Gratitude in abundance!

Puncture in Leopard Land

There are travel stories you plan for, sunrises over the savanna, herds of elephants lumbering past, maybe even a lion’s guttural roar in the distance. Then there are the stories that sneak up on you, like our punctured tyre in the middle leopard territory. 

What’s the first rule of a self-drive safari? Under no circumstance are you to get out of your vehicle! Note, in Africa the reserves are hundreds and thousands of hectares and so with no wifi, no phone signals, no patrols and multiple entry and exit gates one can only conclude your chances of rescue are at best, rather slim and likely to be later rather than sooner!

The Scene? Wildness. Africa, two weeks into our trip and we had seen and experienced more than we could ever have imagined, except….? A leopard! It had become somewhat of a mission, a fixation of sorts, and so we were determined to try and see and experience a leopard in the wild!

So off we set, unanimously deciding to go ‘off-road’ in the reserve, into a known leopard sighting area, after all, “these vehicles are made for this right!” 

Picture this, you are bumping along a dusty dirt corrugated rocky type track, late afternoon scanning the bush for a flash of sleepy rosetted fur, when suddenly, the vehicle lurches. That unmistakable thwump-thwump followed by a huge cartoon level hissing sound that can mean only one thing, a puncture, yes…in the heart of leopard country. “Not to worry” says my husband, “we can drive … just very very slowly, remember, these vehicles are made for this!”

Fast forward, 2m later when my husband’s ashen face declares “Marie this vehicle can go no further, this puncture is baddddd!”

Now changing a tyre is never the highlight of anyone’s day but then add the possibility of a curious hungry master predator big cat or two or three and it becomes a high adrenaline sport! Here’s what went down!

First, came the eventual realisation that, yes, we would have to get out of the car to change the tyre. Then came the “leopard lookout” debacle when things took a very dark turn for the worse indeed. The horror of finding out during a bottom clenching exchange of leopard watch that there was absolutely no jack in the wheel change kit of our rental vehicle. We scrambled quick-time back into the vehicle with Bolt level speed. Mouths dry at first trying to think our way out of this latest drama of ours.

What to do? Go into the potentially leopardary savannah grass and look for rocks, sticks!? Prop up the car and try and dig out with our bare hands the ground beneath the tyre? The thought of going outside again was sickening. Savannah grass either side of the vehicle …and lots of trees for a smart leopard to spot us from, we wondered how best to play it! 

Now if there is one thing about my husband and I, our adventures do lead us to get ourselves into plenty of fixes and so we are really very calm when things invariably don’t go to plan! While we sat figuring out our options and quite frankly evaluating our life choices while in Africa we were incredibly fortunate as two German travellers, thankfully as lustful for a leopard sighting as us and on the same mission came down this not so beaten track and … most importantly, they had a jack! Yay! We were saved! 

Well almost, we just had to actually use it and not get eaten, for leopards blend seamlessly into the environment, they are well-known for their stealth and ability to “move like whispers.” A chilling thought when you’re headed out into their domain. Nascar pit crews have nothing on this husband and wife team. Tyre, jack, and every bolt is spun except one, which was scarified due to some phantom movement in the grass. That distant sound? Probably just a bird…well…hopefully!!!

Once the new tyre was on (minus one bolt), jack returned to our new German besties, and the adrenaline settled in our bodies, something magical happened. We realise we’d survived! It’s our safari story that will outlast any slideshow of sunsets or rhinos. The experience of facing the wild together! 

You live, and you learn right! Has our lust for adventure being dampened? Not at all, but in future we will always check the spare tyre kit has everything, as sometimes the best days come with just a little extra tread.

2671 Miles of African Adventure

Africa. The name conjures up images of vast landscapes, incredible wildlife, and vibrant cultures. But experiencing it firsthand? Now that’s a whole different type of living. My recent trip was an exhilarating, soul-stirring adventure that has imprinted unfathomable images of vast landscapes, sunrises, sunsets and of course wildlife on my heart forever. I am forever changed!

As we embarked on an epic self-drive journey from the stunning shores of Cape Town all the way to the bustling energy of Joburg via Eswatini I was excited to be ticking off wildlife in my journal beginning on day 1 with a photogenic dessie atop Table Mountain, then a highly unpredictable escapee ostrich dashing about at the Cape Peninsula accompanied by a troop of mad hungry highly intelligent baboons! A group of very itchy and albeit noisy seal lions on the historic V&A waterfront followed by a massive stinky but equally as adorable penguin colony that has claimed Boulder beach (and may no man ever dare challenge them on this!) 

 

The true magic began though as we ventured into the heart of Africa's wilderness and safaried. The sun rising over the mountains, ahhhh, the bush, the savannah grass, the clearing of the fog as every morning sky was painted in fiery hues. Our days were filled with incredible encounters, and the excitement of seeing our first wild … well … everything was utterly magical! I have never slept so contentedly in my adult life! 

 

A rhino, a giraffe, a zebra, another and another and another - we were hooked! We visited so many National Parks, Game Reserves and Conservations and had incredible experiences at each one, whether we watched the humongous tails of whales, dolphins playing or caught the tail of a baby leopard disappear up a tree where its mother had dragged an antelope (aka. dinner). The joy of a herd of elephants crossing in front of our vehicle with numerous babies tripping over their flailing trunks, hearing the majestic lions roaring while walking out right in front of us at night. Too many antelope variations to ever recall, the bemused face of the kudo and lots and lots and lots of impala (aka. McDonald’s of Africa). 

 

Our nocturnal safaris were a particular highlight, revealing a hidden world of new rules, like never shine a light on an elephant at night. Why not? It will charge at you. Elusive creatures and animals we’d never seen or heard of like the genet and the numerous beautiful creatures that we couldn’t even name or look up as our encounters were so fleeting…all set to the audio of piercing sounds like the calls of a hyena all under the wild under a blanket of a million stars at night and the gorgeous ‘go away’ bird by day.  

The glorious pride of lionesses nose nudging each other while falling about sleepily with full McDonalds bellies, cozily falling into one like they’d had a night on the catnip was so endearing. The warthogs were beyond ridiculously playful and cute! The black rhino, the gnus (wildebeests) and the humbling experience of walking with a white rhinoceros that befriended our car for over 20m. Too many rare and wonderful birds to identify! Like, the red and black Southern Ground Hornbill in Eswatini which was around 4ft! Then the incomprehensible immense size of rhinos, hippos and crocodiles and the unpredictable yet serene nature of the water buffalo.  It was so humbling!

 

We didn't just see the Big 5, we experienced them in their natural habitat, a truly truly humbling privilege. Each day, whether under the scorching midday sun or the velvet cloak of night, brought new wonders. The beauty of self-driving was the freedom it afforded us. We could stop and pull-over whenever something demanded our attention, linger in charming small parks and truly soak in the diverse landscapes that unfolded before us, from the dramatic coastlines to the rolling hills of Zululand. Africa has an unimaginably diverse and captivating landscape. One memorable stop was in St. Lucia where hippos wander the streets at night…

Yes...we saw and experienced this with our own eyes (as you can see in the photo) along with a Zulu tribal dance all in the same night! This was also where we landed a puncture in leopard territory (yup, we were looking for leopards of course, a saga that warrants its own write up so, that's next weeks blog my friends!) Was I scared? TBH the nile crocs really gave me pause, these deceptive slow looking evolutionary hybrids give me the chills for sure!

 

Arriving in Joburg 2671 miles later and with only a couple of near death experiences, we carried back to the Cayman Islands with a wealth of unforgettable memories, a deeper appreciation for nature's grandeur, and a profound sense of connection to this incredible world and our planet Earth. Africa, with its raw beauty, its vibrant pulse, and it's incredible wildlife, truly captured our hearts. If you're dreaming of an adventure that will ignite your senses, rejuvenate your spirit, then pack your bags and get off the beaten track in Africa!

 

Who’s on the other side of this screen?

Oh, hello there again, gorgeous human! 👋

Ever wonder who's on the other side of this screen, quietly enjoying the ride, soaking up all the wisdom, wit, and occasional weirdness I pour out? Today, I thought we'd pull back the curtain a little and talk about who you are (yes, you!) and why on earth I keep showing up here to dish out the goods.

So, who are you, my fabulous reader? You're a pretty diverse and incredible bunch of 2k strong, you come from different corners of the globe, different walks of life, different perspectives! Amazing!

I don’t know whether you're young or seasoned, a city dweller, island limer or a country soul, an early bird or a night owl, all I truly know is that you found your way this space! Here’s what I like to think I know. I’m guessing you’re likely the kind of person who perhaps... 

Craves a little sparkle in your Sunday/Monday. You're not content with bland, beige content. You want something that makes you think, laugh, or feel a little lighter. But you aren’t afraid to get real. I do sometimes tackle some serious stuff, and well, I love that you're here for it too. You're open to new perspectives and aren't afraid to dive deep.

I think you probably have a wicked sense of humour because let’s be honest, my humour is definitely an acquired taste, and you, my friend, have acquired it beautifully. You appreciate a dash of sarcasm, a sprinkle of sass and you willingly forgive me for all my grammatical faux pas and jaunty random thoughts, seeing passed my errors and abandonment of structure and style in favour of the authentic! And so whether you're conquering the corporate world, raising tiny humans, pursuing your passion, or just trying to figure out what's for dinner later I think you're probably doing it with flair.

And so the million-dollar question I get asked most often is why don't I monetise this blog? Seriously, my reasons for pouring my heart and soul into this blog are pretty simple, and they have a lot to do with you! Really, yes, it’s because of you! All the people I meet IRL or virtually, every time I hit publish, I picture you all over the world reading it. I imagine a small nod of understanding, maybe a little smile, yup! Knowing that maybe something I wrote resonated with you, helped you, or just brightened your day for a moment, made you think deeply or sent you on a journey of further exploration. You see Blogging has become my creative playground. This blog is where I get to be unapologetically me. It's where I can experiment, be vulnerable, celebrate, and share all the quirky and random thoughts rattling around in my brain. It's my happy place, you're all invited and I’m so grateful you came! Thank you for being here, for reading, and for just being the awesome humans that you are. You make this whole thing worthwhile!

So, as I log-off for the next few weeks to finally travel on safari (a lifelong goal of mine). You know, I’ll return with numerous new inspirations and stories. I’m so excited to be spending time in a new environment, intentionally connecting with nature through my senses. Getting to dance to some afrobeats and amiapiano with the locals and finally getting to use my zulu (which I’ve been learning for the last 6 months).

I’m wishing you well, as you go forth to conquer your day or week or summer vacations, you magnificent humans! And maybe, just maybe, come back for another dose of whatever delightful nonsense I conjure up next … post-safari!

Leadership - Clean & Fresh

As I throw the dirty laundry into the machine this Sunday morning and pause to hear the reassuring sound of the “click” followed by the “woosh” of water and it gets me thinking about how nice it would be if sometimes we humans too could just have a do-over, a fresh rinse that washed away the week on occasion. I know for sure there are leaders who wish they could un-do some aspects of their weeks on occasion. 

I mean leadership is not a nice, straight path, let's be real, it's more like a washer-dryer spin cycle, full of messy washes, intense tumbles, and sometimes, a complete re-do because guess what? You forgot to put in the fabric softener! Or heck, and that pesky red sock found it's way in there!

Maybe sometimes my mind is wayyy too overactive but yup I managed to draw parallels between this week's dirty laundry and leadership. How the heck did I land here?

Things in leadership often start with a "Dirty Laundry" phase (read: challenges and problems). This is when a new problem or even worse an annoyingly reoccurring problem raises its head … a team conflict resulting in a push and shove, or a major project snag. Dirty laundry feels well...messy, chaotic, and sometimes, a bit overwhelming right! 

But leaving it lurking in the corner or trying to conceal it isn't going to work out well, why not? Because it starts to smell bad pretty quickly and well, you've got to confront the dirt head-on. Ignoring it just leaves ingrained stains in the long term … that sometimes never come out!

This is why I always welcome the sound of the "Rinse Cycle" (read: problem solving and iteration). The detergent kicks in! Here’s where we start to apply solutions, there’s the usual detergents, hmmm nope, you might try something cheap, something over-the-top, hit up a expert (for a rough to move stain) and take a recommendation, even tap into something radical - and try some totally different approaches, all ideas gathered from many, many different sources. At first you're trying to wash away the initial grime, but it often takes a few rinses and the application of something just a little bit different from the usual approach to get things truly clean. If you've ever tried Dawn in your whites, then you know! It's all about iteration, learning from mistakes, aiming for, but not being surprised by the lack of perfection on the first try. I mean where the heck did THAT sock come from? You feel like you're making progress and then all of a sudden .... brace, brace, brace...

Get set, it's "High Spin" time (read: high pressure and intense phase). Adrenaline rush much? Yup, somehow an overwhelming urgency crept up and into the whole situation to put it at def-con 4. That tight deadline means a sudden ballerina level pivot is needed, except most leaders aren't ballerina's! I mean sure I did a class or two back in the day but this is moving fast, things are whirring, and it can feel like, well, as a leader you're being wrung out! This phase demands laser focus, quick decision-making (do you continue, is the solution still right, have things gone off-balance, are things (read: costs) spiraling? If you've ever had you washing machine tell you the load is unbalanced, then you'll get the dilemma. As just like laundry, if you try to pull things out too soon, they'll be soaking wet and potentially unmanageable. Are you going to try desperately hard to avoid having to repeat the cycle? What decision is the right decision? Or, do you risk wrecking the machine and let it spin out? It can feel like a game of chicken of audacious dares which may or may not be rewarded by the airing your laundry or tumble dry phase (depending on preferences and what's possible).

Essentially the "Drying phase" (read: processing and reflection) may be welcomed by a soft gentle breeze, sunshine or, the gentle hum of the dryer. This is the crucial cool-down period. It’s about debriefing after a big project, major event, reflecting on what worked (go you!) and what didn't (go you!) and allowing ideas to settle. Without this phase, things remain damp, wrinkled, and ready to gather mildew. This is where real learning happens, and you begin preparing for ... well, the inevitable … the next load.

Personally my favourite part is the "folding and stacking" stage (read: organising and moving forward). There is a real sense of pleasure here for me! Unless, you have unknown unconsidered factors such as an unruly random things that come to knock down your piles. Yup! There may still be some lessons to be learned yet! It’s likely best to put away away as soon as you can, and prepare for the next challenge. 

This is about implementing lessons learned, refining processes, and getting ready to tackle the next "load" of leadership challenges.

Leadership isn't about avoiding the spin cycle, nope, it's about embracing the mayhem. It's an understanding that some days you'll feel like you're in an extra-heavy duty wash, and others, a delicate cycle that leaves everything beautifully clean and fresh. These are the days you’ll love! 

Why is leadership sometimes called a service? Because somedays you'll get "wrung out"! Put simply, every load is different it requires a different setting, or a hot wash to get rid of some lingering issues (read: stinkies). 

Meta-Human Leadership - Mandela

As the world grapples with unprecedented challenges, from climate change to social fragmentation, runaway AI and just downright absolute chaos, the very nature of leadership worldwide, is quite rightly, being called into question. What a week it's been, right!?

If like me, you may be yearning at this stage of the game for the emergence of a figure(s) who can transcend the ordinary, inspire profound change, and guide us towards a more welcoming and harmonious future. As the week has unfolded, I've found myself becoming rather interested in learning on the concept of the meta-human (through guru Deepak Chopra) which leaves me considering where such human led transformative leadership may actually be in today's world? 

The thing is wherever my thoughts on this subject took me over the week, I just simply kept finding myself returning each time to one figure, Nelson Mandela. 

Mandela, meta-human, how you ask? And, well what does that meta-human stuff even mean? 

Well, for me Mandela and his journey, is the embodiment of courage and forgiveness. An inherently meta-human, and profound testament to the power of the human spirit to overcome immense suffering and injustice. Mandela transcended victimhood despite being imprisoned for decades, I mean he absolutely could not have been blamed for succumbing to bitterness and revenge, but no, instead he emerged with an unwavering commitment to reconciliation and unity. It was a conscious choice to operate from a higher level of consciousness, moving beyond the limitations of anger and resentment. 

Then was his power of forgiveness, engaging with his oppressors to build a new nation, perhaps arguably his greatest act of leadership, that broke the cycle of hatred and violence, his willingness to let go of deeply ingrained emotional patterns absolutely aligns with the meta-human idea of disidentifying from ego-driven reactions to hold a collective future in his mind, even when it seemed utterly impossible. This ability to see, not just, beyond individual gain but to operate from a place of universal well-being is a hallmark of evolved consciousness is it not?

You see, the meta-human as someone who consciously goes beyond the limitations of the mind-body and experiences a greater reality, this relates to:

• Questioning reality, challenging assumptions about who we are and what is possible.
• Accessing deeper consciousness, awareness beyond the everyday chatter of the mind.
• Recognising our interconnectedness as part of a larger, interconnected whole.

If we view leadership through the lens of the meta-human, Mandela's unparalleled impact makes great sense to me. His leadership operated from a deeper wellspring of consciousness. He didn't just react to circumstances he responded from a place of profound inner peace and unwavering purpose.

I know this week's blog isn't my usual upbeat and chipper take on events but in our current world, we desperately need leaders who can operate from this meta-human perspective. Not necessarily figures holding down positions of power, but leaders in every sphere of lives, our communities, our workplaces, and our homes. Leaders not enslaved to their egos who can and will put collective well-being above personal gain or recognition. Leaders that can navigate complexity with calm and tap into intuition and wisdom beyond resorting to personal attacks and emotional meltdowns akin to the terrible twos. Leaders that can inspire genuine connection and collaboration. Empathetic and understanding leaders committed to long-term well-being, who prioritise the health of the planet and future generations over short-term profits, quick wins, quantity over quality and popularity polls.

The meta-human journey is a personal one, yet its implications for leadership are profound. Mandela, in his extraordinary life, offered us a glimpse of what such leadership looks like. Perhaps the meta-human is not so much a futuristic concept, but a timeless aspiration, potentially a call for each one of us to awaken to our full potential and, in doing so, to become the leaders the world so desperately needs?

Three baby steps I'm aspiring to take:

i)Identifying my own limiting beliefs. What stories do I tell myself about my capabilities or worth?

ii)Putting myself on ego watch, when do I need to right? seek external validation? react defensively?

iii)Being still and calm. Becoming my own calm during uncertainty and reflect on my true purpose?

I'm going deep people!

What’s your story?

We all have times, socially or in our working lives when we need to spark up a conversation with someone right? Where to start? Three words ... Similarity Attraction Effect. 

The fact is when it comes to meeting people, we do like people who have similar interests and motivations to us, so, when sparking up a convo an easy place to start is with a context relevant question. 

Why? 

Well, we're kinda hoping to find authentic reasons to like people, it's like detecting one little thing we might have in common, it builds shared values (aka: meet the ‘thread theory’). So, start with the one guaranteed thing you know you have in common? The situation or context you find yourself in. That could be "Wow, this is my first time in this venue, how about you?" At a party it might be "How do you like the jello shots? Or "Ohh, that coffee looks great". If you were in my ILM3 class this week "Wow, this module though, tough or what?! How are you finding keeping on top of the assignments?"

When we make the effort to take the leap and spark up a conversation with someone it's like we're building threads, and the more threads, the more connected we are. And it's reassuringly simple maths (TBH the only kind I can do) it says the more sparks you create, the greater the likelihood of connecting1 It's networking at its finest! 

You might be that kind of a person naturally, make yourself do it intentionally or be like most people and learn how to do it!

Lessons in spiritual intelligence (SI) and emotional intelligence (EI) can take us wayyyy deeper though in building connections and meeting new people by fostering far deeper self-awareness, empathy, and a more presence.

SI is self-awareness of your values, purpose, and beliefs, which forms a strong foundation for authentic social interactions. Do you encourage compassion, empathy, and understanding towards others, promote prosocial behaviours like kindness and tolerance? This is a sign of your SI! How far do you help/challenge individuals to see and value the uniqueness of others and their stories, this reduces fear and opens the space for genuine connection! Respecting others’ perspectives, also improves communication and supports conflict resolution. Me, myself, I truly believe we are all interconnected, so to cause harm to you, is to harm myself! Why the heck would I intentionally do that? We all have our values, beliefs, what are yours? What is the code you live by?

EI is developing empathy, the ability to truly understand and share others' feelings, which also builds trust and respect in new relationships. Again, self-awareness is key as it opens our minds to emotional management and presenting ourselves authentically and confidently in social settings. EI is developed by improving social skills such as active listening, emotional regulation, and effective communication, again, essential for networking and forming real bonds. Allowing us to navigate social situations with grace, turning initial encounters into meaningful collaborations or new friendships. Knowing all this doesn't translate to doing it though...hence it's always a proverbial work in progress or even better - a work in practice, to land powerful questions that fit who you are and build connections.

“What’s your story?” This is an awesome powerful question that lends itself to so many contexts and invites others to share their experiences, wherever to happen to meet a new someone, it helps foster SI and EI, a sincere presence and connection beyond superficial small talk. Don't get it twisted, I’m not dissing small talk! I just know many people reading this are looking to really connect on a deeper level BUT if this is too heavy, start with a light touch instead, it’s literally a numbers game my friends!

I know I've mentioned this before, (but metrics tell me new people are following my blog every week 👋) … Research shows the most popular people (read: the cool kids) are those who actually just ‘like’ people themselves (it's nothing to do with being more athletic, smarter, attractive, extroverted, or funnier). Therefore, being liked back just comes from a genuine operating place of people just liking one another people! I just love this fun-fact so much! It sure is interesting stuff to know about! 

So, if you're curious, how do you learn how to like people if it's not your natural operating mode? Well one good piece of advice when you're asked the usual mundane things e.g. "What do you do?" "Where are you from?" You know the usual socially scripted questions...flip the script and make things interesting my friends! Verbal games anyone? 

Where am I from? 

Guess? 

What do I do for work? 

Guess? 

Be like, OMG how dare you? And then guess back, sometimes you might even get it right. Go you!! You can have a whole fun back and forth, totally changing the dynamics of a conversation. I really like this recommendation from VanEdwards (Coms Guru). Try it!

And finally, here’s something to ask yourselves, as your oh so clever brain really needs to ascertain - do I feel safe to share my real answer? Do I feel safe to answer something that's not on the social script? Do I feel safe to not be interesting and/or disinteresting? This is the secret sauce and were the people lovers do extremely well, their 'love all' attitude makes others feel safe around them and that builds those genuine connects!

“Hello!” Using Your Voice?!

Your brain reacts to tone of voice before actual words! And tone of voice it determines how confident we perceive someone is! Infact, the nifty researchers find that we decide how confident someone is within the 1st 200 milliseconds of hearing them speak. 

200 m-i-l-l-i-s-e-c-o-n-d-s! That's fast people! So, hear this then, your tone of voice, it really matters people! 

Let's start with a simple out loud, "Hello!" 

That! Right there! You just signaled your confidence! Now think of a range of different situational contexts … the grocery store, at work, meeting someone new, greeting an old friend, walking out on a stage in front of a live audience, picking up the phone to your partner, a call from your Doctor that you're dreading, your kid's school calling, coming home to your pet…I’ll stop now! You get it!

So, what is it exactly that we be listening for to determine someone’s confidence? Well, it’s all about the relaxation and breath in your vocal cords because that impacts your tone. I have yet to find anyone that hasn’t uttered at some point the following infamous phrase,

“it wasn’t what they said,  but … the way they said it!”

Remember that time you got nervous? I mean properly nervous! You see, don’t we all get nervous, and when we do, we go higher in our vocal tone (and when we’re really-really-really-really nervous we sound like our vocal cords are being fried). It’s actually called vocal fry. The heart rate goes up, you start breathing shallower and if you're about to say “Hello!” it comes out from the top range of your vocal pitch and is reminiscent of a squeak.  

Confidence then, is to be found at the lowest end of our natural tone. Most males have an advantage here as they have a natural low vocal tone and downward inflection. 

Everyone has a natural vocal range. So how then to find your highest? Take a deep breath and say hello at the top of your breath, it's like you’re holding your breath. 

To find your lowest or bottom range, take a couple deep breaths, relax your vocal cords, relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, relax your mouth, and say hello on the out breath. Finding the lowest end of your natural tone is finding the sound of your most confident self and this applies to both dating and work. When speaking with this lower part of your voice, you are open and full of power and volume because you have space in your body. 

Space! Space? Yup, it gives you breath, and it translates to everything, your face becomes more open, your jaw is more relaxed, your shoulders are more relaxed. Politicians actually have training on how to do it!

Fun fact, we humans like to match the voice resonance of the most important person in the room? Read the room people! Positions might carry levels of authority but the real power houses are to be found by what’s matched and observable in any given space. Voice resonance is shaped by how sound vibrates in your chest, throat, mouth, and nasal cavities. A well-resonated voice has that rich, full sound. Actors are trained in it and can literally use their bodies as amplifiers without straining their voices - like ever! Some authority figures are also pretty good here.

I know, I know, you're like "Well Hello it's still me!" True-true-true! But trust me you sound totally different and likely would be treated differently based on the above two tone versions you present with. Studies back this up - they show that people with a lower-pitched voice are most often perceived as more authoritative and trustworthy. 

Last week, we delved into how cues change how people treat you. The same applies to your voice, if you speak with confidence, people are going to treat you likewise. And so, if you desire to be treated with more respect try it out and, try finding and speaking in those lower tones. You might be thinking… but I want to be accepted for who I am. I got you my friend! Life is all about choices, knowing doesn't mean doing or having to do, YOU DECIDE! 

Connecting & Flirting in IRL

A juicy question appeared on IG this week and I confess I was fascinated by the responses, the question was, why don't relationships today last like our grandparents - people had all kinds of thoughts, but the ones that pique my interest where around, trying to connect with someone IRL, it's the one thing across the board I hear from my guy and gyal friends - they want REAL connection! So, from the female perspective maybe I can be of service! And guys...you might just learn a thing or two here!

Ever wonder how to flick that switch and let someone know you're feeling them? It's all about owning your body and your voice (BTW voice needs its own stage so this this is going to be next week's blog!)

Those signals, they're oh-so clever! Listen up because the signals you're throwing out there? They're not just floating around, they're actually painting a picture of you in someone else's mind. Want more respect? Want more zing? It starts with you dialing up your cues! You're whispering (or maybe shouting with your eyes) ... it's all in your cues and once you know, you won't be able to unknow! This is gonna give you something to think about - so read on!

Now, get this, there are a whooping 97 cues! (if you know me IRL, then you know I'm a huge-huge-huge VanEdwards fan - the guru of anything communication) and we humans are tossing around these 97 cues like confetti at a party! We're nodding, we're gesturing, our feet are practically doing a secret dance, and our voices? They've got their own super-powers! Whether you're a dazzling extrovert, a cozy introvert, or one of the cool majority that is an ambivert (GO AMBI!), this applies to you.

Here's where it gets juicy. Ever sent out what felt like a neon sign of flirtation - maybe 3 killer glances - and then wondered why the human didn't come galloping over to you? My friend, you've just bumped into Signal Amplification Bias! We think we are being SOOOO obvious, but guess what, the Science says "Nope!" Those clever researchers hung out in bars and clubs, watching singles in their natural habitat. Turns out, even when people think they're laying on the charm, the other person is clueless. Yup! Researchers counted the flirty signals…drum roll…ready for it? In 10m it took a mind-blowing 29 signals from a woman to even register as 'interested' to someone else. 29! That's before any "hey, what's your sign?"

Side note: Are bars great places to find a partner? Who's to say ... not me ... I met my husband in a club! But I hear the best places are those that actually mean something to you and what you enjoy, so for me and my husband a club makes absolute sense, of course, but maybe for you it's the local Humane Society, your church, a professional working association, your salsa class, gym, donut shop...

So, where to start with these magical cues? We (us gyals) often obsess over an outfit, make-up, hair, nails, expensive scent, and while looking and feeling fly definitely doesn't hurt, it's ultimately our animal selves, our body language and how we signal our availability that wins the day! Say hello to flirty glances to get the ball rolling! They're basically your secret weapon. Here's the scene, you're casually sweeping the space and your eyes land on someone interesting? Bam! A little side glance, a quick look back. It's like you're just looking around, but then oops, there they are again! This works wonders for us ladies! Now throw in a little peek upwards through the lashes and you're rocking that certain 'je ne sais quoi', eyes slightly down, looking up. 💥 

And get this gyals, playing with your hair, adjusting your outfit (see above photo - my husband, he had no idea what I was up to) and well, here's the real juicy bit, when ladies touch their neck, mouth or lips, it actually releases pheromones ... we're all just animals at the end of the day right! Yup, you're low key putting your scent out there! 💨 This is where dating apps fail - because our natural scent, it is important! Don't believe me, if you were given a number of t-shirts pre-worn 'au natural' by different women and asked to rate them by likeability and then put a room of the same women to mingle without knowing who each t-shirt belonged to ... what do you think? Yup! Those initial sniff tests totally predicted who then clicked in person! There is something totally primal about scent...like TBH I do adore my husband's scent, truly, I know it sounds weird, even he thinks I'm weird but it's true - scent/smell it's completely subjective and we don't really understand why. It's like we love/hate some perfumes/colognes and often say they smell different on different people right! There you go! But I digress.

Now add in a few sweet smiles (and we know they're real because you really are genuinely crushing), and don’t forget to remember you've got around 29 to make, so play the long game and don't give up too quickly, you need to 'land the message' to begin to make the connection. The best part? Zero pressure my friends, if they don't catch your drift? 

Next! 

My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Gone!

Staring at my notes and to-do list it’s like it's all written in ancient hieroglyphics? Totally relatable? 

Today even the thought of answering an email, feels like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops, my first instinct? I'm declaring myself unmotivated. But hold up! What if I'm not unmotivated maybe I'm just... unmoved right now? 

Cue…Mic drop. 🎤

We’re all human, sometimes our biorhythms are just out of kilter, energy reserves are low, or just a feeling that today your tasks have all the excitement of watching paint dry. If you were ever excruciating ‘bored’ as a child or teen you get it! 

We're often sold this idea that if we just make ourselves, or download the right app, or bribe ourselves with a treat, BAM! We will become this hyper engaged productive machine. Ready to ditch the slump and rediscover your mojo? Here are a few MVPs of lasting get up and go for me...yup these are my pearls of wisdom on this subject!

1-Choice (Autonomy). Just knowing that I'm in the driver's seat! 

2-I Got This (Competence). Knowing my stuff.

3-It Matters (Relatedness). The thing I'm doing feels meaningful, either to me or the world around me. Sometimes the most mundane stuff can have massive impact. 

So, look out for what makes you tick, that way, when you meet a day that feels like a never-ending list of "shoulds" that don't resonate, you can get unstuck from the mud and go from "Ugh, I Have To" to "Ooh, I Want To!" 

My best advice?

Ditch the "shoulds" and dive headfirst into the "wants"! There's a huge difference between doing something because you have to and doing it because your soul says, "Heck yes!" That inner spark? I find that's where the real, long-lasting energy comes from. What would actually make you feel good right now? What would make this feel like it matters again? Try one of these three ways to reconnect with your inner sparkle!

 i)Tap into your why files! 

When I'm dragging my feet, I say to myself, "Wait a minute, why did my fabulous self agree to this in the first place?" Sometimes, you'll rediscover a deeper purpose hiding beneath the surface. Other times, you might realise, "Oh, right, I didn't actually choose this!" And that's a powerful intel ignition! It gives you permission to maybe renegotiate or even let go. Instead of "Ugh, gotta do this," try, "Okay, I'm doing this because it helps ''that'' awesome passion project I'm invested in!" Small shift, big difference in the brain!

 ii)Vybz check! 

Here's a sneaky little hack, don't wait for the magic fairy to tap you on the shoulder. Instead, kickstart the feeling you want to have once the task is done. Wanna feel helpful? Do a tiny act of kindness now. Need some energy? Blast your favorite tunes for a few minutes. Craving connection? Send a quick text to someone you adore. Once that good feeling starts flowing, the "doing" part gets a whole lot easier!

 iii)Sprinkle in some just because magic! 

When my whole schedule feels like a giant to-do list, my brain can quickly forget what brings me pure, unadulterated joy. The antidote? Make space, even just 15 glorious mins, for something you love, with zero expectations. I doodle like nobody's watching. I write something just for me. I wander outside just because I feel like it. I read something for absolutely no reason or end game. This isn't slacking off, it's a vital recharge that fuels my whole being!

Could it be the irony of the proving ‘I am not a robot’, is instead to just prove I am a rockstar? Try it and see! If your inner sparkle feels a little dim right now, please know you are SO not alone. You're likely not uninterested in life or demotivated, you're likely just craving something more meaningful than going through the motions.

So, ditch the guilt, forget the should/ought to, and ask yourself "What am I truly longing for?" and "how can I honour that?" 

Reconnect with what truly moves you!  

EI Your EmotionaI DJ

Emotional Intelligence (EI) isn’t just a “work thing”, it’s the magic ingredient that helps us thrive in both our careers and our personal lives, especially in times of change. Whether you’re leading a team through a big transition, juggling work and family, tackling new challenges or people or just trying to keep your cool in a busy world, EI is your secret weapon for success, happiness, and balance.

In my view, individuals with high EI are like emotional DJs, they read a room, tune into people’s feelings. Not only can they ably set the tone for positivity and resilience but they know when to drop the mic. Like all good DJ's individuals with high EI seamlessly mash-up the tunes, genres, beats inclusively, in this case, two powerful approaches on the decks (on deck 1: the cognitive approach and on deck 2: the competency approach to EI).

• Cognitively, individuals who can perceive, use, understand, and manage emotions are better at handling conflict, making decisions, and keeping everyone motivated during uncertain times.

• Competency reveals itself through self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Individuals who master these skills create trust, communicate clearly, and inspire others to pull together, not apart, when things get tough.

The result of the cognitive and competency mash-up? Better communication, stronger relationships, less stress, and a happier, more productive life, even when things are changing fast! Yes, EI will assist any human in the workplace (for sure), however, even better, EI does not clock-off when the work day is done, and individuals with high EI are both enjoying and moving with momentum to the sound tracks of their own lives. To the outsider looking in, this looks like:

• Handling lifes stress and setbacks

• Setting boundaries, managing self and time

• Nurturing healthy, supportive relationships

• Balancing work demands with personal needs (not losing that crucial sense of self) 

  

I’ve spent literally years of my life attempting to master emotional intelligence, being aware of my feelings, reading a room, managing vybz like a Jedi. I ‘think’ I’m an ‘okay’ Selector at this point. But having returned from hols, yes, carnival this week I can state with some confidence that nothing, n o t h i n g, prepares you for the emotional buffet that is a Caribbean Carnival, the loud music alone is enough to reset your heart rhythm ... and then there is the sheer volume of people, so so so so so many people!  I totally expect people to be jarred by me and my presence, and I’m unphased by this because EI has taught me to trust the intelligence of my most authentic self! 

When I look in the mirror at my carnival costume I hear my inner critic whisper "You’re too old, you’re too ‘this’, you’re too ‘that’, for this!” But then, my inner emotionally intelligent voice says, "Feel the fear, thank it for its opinion, now go make some new friends, connect, whine your waist and have fun." So, I do!

Numerous high-fives, bounces and sing-alongs later from various road revellers and EI wins the day! From bonding over rum punch and shared stories, nothing makes me happier than meeting new people, listening deeply, making space for awkward moments, embracing joy without apology … it all affirms that human connection doesn’t care about age, colour, nationality etc. it just wants you to show up authentically, joyfully, keep good vybz and an open mind.

Jumping in Carnival for me isn't just a party, it's a masterclass in emotional intelligence; managing my insecurities, tuning into others, knowing when to speak, and when to just dance, when to strike a pose and when to move on!

In the world of work EI is a key factor in achieving work-life balance and overall well-being. It helps you recognise when you’re stretched too thin, ask for help, and bounce back from challenges with a smile. Whether you're navigating political uncertainty, or just trying to balance life's curve balls, EI is your all-access pass to being more resilient, connected and fulfilled. It's not about a perfect utopia but an imperfect, real path in which you're able to remain curious, care about others without losing track of your own feelings and confidence.

Whether you're dancing through a carnival crowd or navigating the workplace and changing political landscape, EI is the secret sauce that makes everything smoother, deeper, and way more meaningful! So where to start? Self-Awareness. Boost your self awareness! I’m sharing a few ideas below!

1. Journal Jams ✍️  Write your heart out! Spill your thoughts and feelings like a teenage diary superstar.

2. Mindful Moments 🧘‍♂️  Chill out with deep breaths or a mini meditation-become the Zen master of your own mind.

3. Feedback Fiesta 🎤  Ask your friends to spill the tea on how you really come across. No filters!

4. Flashback Fun 🎞️  Play detective with your past-figure out what makes you ‘you’.

5. Who Am I? 🤔 Ask yourself “Who am I?” over and over to discover your cool hidden layers.

6. Life Timeline Time 📅  Draw your life story like a comic strip and spot the epic plot twists.

7. Body Check-In 🕵️‍♀️  Scan your body for feels-where’s that stress hiding? Find it and name it!

8. Daily Debrief 🗣️  Before bed, do a quick recap of your day’s wins and emotional rollercoasters.

Embrace your emotions with intelligence and see what happens! It’s a journey to the very core of who you really are, not everyone dare traverse there!