How to Adult Learn!

Slightly sleep-deprived? Possibly. Caffeine-fuelled? Likely. Home looking like a tornado hit? Hmm. Work demanding your soul in tiny, stapled increments? Check. And then BAM! The looming spectre of assignments or exams, turning your brain into a frantic hamster on a wheel powered by pure panic. Sound familiar? Thought so. Double-check!

Now, about that magnificent, yet rebellious, organ we call the brain. You’d think it's your ally in this academic adventure? Bless your cotton socks. For many of us it's more like that frenemy who promises to help you move but then spends the whole time "supervising" and eating your pizza.

I love brain stuff I’m a self confessed brain nerd - but honestly - lazy? Brains are so lazy (read: too efficient for their own good sometimes!)

New information? Processing? Forming coherent thoughts? These heavy demands at the end of a busy day or week of work! Your brain just throw up its hands and yells. "Nope! Let's rewatch cat videos instead!" That's why passively highlighting text is about as effective as a chocolate helmet for a fireman. Your brain needs to actively engage to build those sweet, sweet neural pathways. Think of it as a brain jungle gym.

When faced with studying, for some of us, distraction can feel like your brain's oxygen! Seriously, one notification and we do a full-blown mental sprint to it. Focus? It can feel like some mythical creature whispered about in ancient productivity scrolls! Tip 1: Start by turning off your notifications,

Multitasking much? Hmmm, good-luck with attempting to conquer your to-do list while simultaneously being in an online session and messaging via your phone. Your brain is just not designed to do multiple things at once. It ends up just rapidly switching between each task, doing each one poorly and leaving you feeling like you've run a mental marathon…except backwards. (Tip 2. Don’t multitask).

Adult learning can be done, our brains have an amazing superpower called cognitive flexibility. As adults, we've lived a little, learned a lot (even if we don't always remember where we put darn phone), our brains are actually wired to connect new information to our existing knowledge.

It definitely is doable with the right strategies. Follow tips 1 and 2 (no distractions allowed) and try these:

3. Pomodoro technique. 25m bursts of effort, they’re like mini-sprints for your brain. Then, a 5m break. Get up, stretch, do a little dance – anything to get the blood flowing and give your mental circuits a breather. Think of it as interval training for your intellect.

4. Move your booty. Seriously, a 5m walk outside can work wonders. It's like hitting the reset button for your brain, you get a bigger boost of little happy messengers delivering brain-boosting goodness right where you need it. Check out the images below - they say it all! Don’t just sit and mindlessly scroll for 5m. 

5. Speak it. If you're just staring at notes until your eyes glaze over, try explaining the concepts out loud. This forces your brain to actively process the information and connect the dots. Plus, if you can explain it to your bewildered beloved cat or a willing human you’re on your way to better understanding it.

6. Celebrate - because let’s be honest, adulting is hard. Finished reading a chapter? Nailed that tricky concept? Written a paragraph? That's a win! Reward yourself (within reason, maybe hold off on the actual champagne but do acknowledge your progress). Your brain loves positive reinforcement, even if it's just a mental pat on the back and a “whoop-whoop, go-me!"

Adult learning isn't for the faint of heart. It's a glorious, messy, often secretive journey of trying to cram a whole new world of knowledge into a brain that's already dealing with finances, laundry, and figuring out what to make for dinner. But you're doing it. You're defying the odds and proving that adult brains are capable of amazing things.

So, embrace the chaos, show yourself grace and remember that every little bit of progress is a victory. 

What’s that? I hear a “Yeah… but….”

Well hello there my procrastinating friends! Let's get one thing straight, procrastination isn't a moral failing. It's a deeply ingrained neurological response. Your brain, remember how lazy it is? It simply prefers instant gratification over delayed rewards - facts. That assignment due next week? Future you's problem! That TikTok dance challenge happening right now? You brain says YES PLEASE!

So, you need to outsmart the pleasure-seeking missiles in your head. We don't fight them head-on (because trust me, they have more stamina). Instead, we're going to get sneaky. We're going to trick, cajole, and maybe even bribe the brain with the promise of something slightly less painful than the task at hand. Think of it as psychological jujitsu!

6. Remember how in last weeks blog I talked about micro-habits (breaking down big tasks)? This is procrastination's kryptonite. Your brain balks at the Everest of an assignment, but a single paragraph? A quick Google Scholar search? That seems manageable, right? Commit to just 5m of work. Seriously. Set a timer. Often, that tiny initial push is enough to build momentum and trick your brain into thinking, "Hey, this isn't so bad!"

7. You can also try the, "If-Then" power play. This is where you start setting the rules of engagement with your inner procrastinator. Create simple "if-then" statements: "If I finish the introductory section, then I can watch one episode of that ridiculous reality show." "If I review my notes for 20m then I get that dairy milk." You're essentially creating mini-rewards that your brain can look forward to, making the task at hand seem less like torture and more like a stepping stone to something enjoyable. 

8. Time block. Schedule specific times for specific tasks, and treat those appointments with yourself like you would a meeting with your boss (unless your boss is also prone to procrastination, in which case, maybe aim higher, LOL). Blocking out time creates a sense of urgency and makes it harder for procrastination to sneak in!

9. Still don’t trust yourself? Accountability buddy.
Find a fellow adult student who's also battling the procrastination beast and agree to check in with each other. Knowing that someone else is expecting you to have made progress can be a powerful motivator. Peer pressure, but the good kind!

10. Embrace the imperfect first attempt. Perfectionism is often procrastination's best friend. You get so caught up in trying to make everything perfect from the get-go that you end up doing nothing at all. Give yourself permission to write a terrible first draft. Seriously. Just vomit your thoughts onto the page. You can always edit and refine later. Think of it as sculpting, you start with a lump of clay, not a finished masterpiece. 

If all else fails, contact your tutor, most tutors are also doing some form of formal learning too, so they understand and can support as well as help hold you to account too.

“Now, go forth and do this!!!” 

🎓🎓🎓🎓🎓🎓

Breaking Bad!

Snacking in bed or at your desk is a slippery slope, a gateway drug to a life of groundhog days and nighttime despair (okay, maybe a slight exaggeration). 

We've all been there! You need to get something done at work or you’re in your flow. Or your favourite movie/series is playing at home and suddenly, the siren song of snacks begins calling even though you’re in bed. Whichever spot you find yourself in, before you know it, crumbs are raining down like a biblical plague and your desktop or bedroom sheets resemble the inside of a toaster. 

It’s an absolute dopamine dilemma, as that delicious first bite? Always pure bliss. Your brain releases dopamine, the reward chemical, making you feel amazing. But then there's the catch, your brain starts to associate your desk or your bed with that blissful dopamine hit. Soon, your desk or bed have become a trigger for snacking. Easy rewards without effort, leads to dopamine desensitisation, hence you need more to get the same dopamine hit! Hard to relate to? Think of it this way… do you ever go to check your phone for one thing and find yourself scrolling 30m later? Easy dopamine hits without effort. Same thing! It messes with your motivation, mood, and drives you want more stimulation. 

This then leads to work and sleep sabotage. Eating before bed in particular can interfere with your sleep cycle, leading to restlessness, indigestion and a rough night. Even worse before you know it snacking in bed starts to create a negative association with your bedroom. Instead of a peaceful haven, it becomes a place for indulgence and potentially effortless consumption…(read: guilt).

Sitting at a desk or being restricted to a workplace all day is bad enough; especially if your movement opportunities are minimal but then eating there too can make you feel like you're stuck in some sort of groundhog day scenario. Get up, stretch, and enjoy your lunch in a different environment. Your body (and your sanity) might just thank you. 

Ready to go breaking bad? Here's a couple of things you might like to try out.

• Declare your workspace and bedroom a crumb-free zone not a cafe. It's official. No more eating in these spaces, period. 
• If that is easier said than done and the habits are really locked in and as common as Monday morning coffee, try easing yourself slowly out of the habit. Create a designated snacking spot. The kitchen counter, the living room, the work canteen, a bench outside (read: anywhere but your bed or desk). 
• Give mindful eating a try. Paying attention to every bite, where it originates from, how did it come from source to your plate and palate, think of the whole journey and savour every bite. 
• Maybe try rewarding yourself for breaking the habit. Put a few dollars to one side each time broke the habit and use it to invest in you. You deserve it!

And there you have it ... make a decision to ditch the desk lunch habit, just pack up and head out. 

Lay (pun intended) the foundation for a great night's sleep with a nice clean, snack free (read: guilt free) bedroom.

Is Smaller Better?

It’s mid-March and maybe those big "new year, new you" promises have fizzled out faster than a cheap glass of bubbly? 

If you find yourself here I have something for you to consider - try embracing ridiculously small habits, known as micro-habits. The evidence shows these pack a surprisingly powerful punch!

Not heard of these before? Think ridiculously simple actions you commit to daily/weekly but consistently.  

-One push-up? Check.✔️ 

-A single cup of water? Done.✔️ 

Micro-habits might just be your golden ticket! They are so easy, so simple and therefore so do-able. 

And because, they don't trigger that "I can't even" voice in your head, putting it simply, means you’re outsmarting your brain, one tiny task/habit/experience at a time. 

Micro-wins give you a boost of confidence that makes you hungry for more. It’s a game changer! Their do-ability (read: literally can’t go wrong) means before you know it you'll look back and realise how far you've come and will intuitively begin pushing harder without your brain staging a rebellion.

Ready to give it try and dive into a world of tiny habits with big impact? Here are some micro-habit ideas just to get you thinking:

• Drink one glass of water in the morning.
• Do one push-up before bed.
• Write one paragraph for an assignment/article you need to complete.
• Stretch for one minute after waking up.
• Take one deep breath before eating a meal.
• Do one squat before sitting down at your desk.
• Save one dollar every day.
• Smile at yourself in the mirror  
• Walk to the end of the road and back.
• Take a single one minute mindful breath before starting work.
• Tidy one drawer.
• Write down one thing you're grateful for.
• Extend tooth brushing for 10 extra seconds.
• Eat one piece of fruit.
• Check your bank balance once a week.   
• Change one small detail in your daily routine.
• Big up one person (could be yourself!)
• Take one "brain break" at work.
• Laugh at one funny video or meme.

Want to conquer the literary world? Start with one page a day. Floss one tooth (trust that eventually this leads to more flossing and sparkling!) Spend one minute learning something e.g. Duolingo or YouTube.

Ready to create yours?

1) Dream big, start tiny!

What's your ultimate goal? Better health? More knowledge? A living space that sparkles? Let your micro-habits be the stepping stones to your bigger goals.

2)Ridiculously easy!

Make your habit so easy it's almost embarrassing. Want to exercise more? Start with ONE squat. Seriously, just one. You might feel like doing more once you're down there, but even one is a victory!

3) Piggyback power! (Read: habit stacking)

Attach your new micro-habit to something you already do. "After I take my morning coffee I will take a moment and smile at myself in the mirror. Or, I will park 5m further away and enjoy a short walk in nature. 

This is called habit stacking and it makes things even easier to remember and integrate into your day.

Micro-habits are all about crafting that life, that means you, that thing and things you want to conquer get seamlessly embedded one small step at a time!

You got this!

A Feast for the Senses or Just a Whiff of the Future?

Smell has been the underdog of VR for years. Sure, you can ‘see’ a virtual garden or ‘hear’ a sizzling steak, but without the floral wafts or smoky aromas, something’s missing. Enter scientists like Xinge Yu and Yuhang Li, who’ve cooked up wireless wearables that bring scents to life in VR. The devices use chic and wireless miniaturised odor generators that release smells within 1.44s. 

The applications are endless - sniffing virtual flowers, testing perfumes without leaving your sofa, or even therapeutic uses for memory recall and mood enhancement e.g. the smell of sawdust will ever fondly remind me of my grandfather who worked in a sawmill. And if you’ve ever been to Thailand - yes, they’ve even perfected the durian's infamous stench!

Adding scents will significantly boost the sense of presence in VR environments. Whether it’s the aroma of a virtual buffet or the stench of rotten food in a horror game, smells will definitely make virtual experiences more real. 

For my world of learning and development, my crystal ball tells me that smell enhanced VR isn’t just for fun - it’s potentially functional for learning and the future of education. Experiments show it can improve recall and creativity in educational settings. I also wonder how this tech could revolutionise healthcare?

While smell is stealing the show, taste is also waiting in the wings. How do you feel about tasting virtual chocolate or sipping your favourite beverage digitally? I still remember the excitement I felt the first time I tried NASA space food. The paper texture tasted just like real ice-cream! 

Studies have already explored how combining visuals, smells, and gustatory cues can trick our brains into tasting things that aren’t there, perfect for calorie-free indulgence!?

Not everything smells like roses though (pun intended). Current devices are limited and syncing smells with visuals remains tricky. I mean if they get it wrong, who knows what your immersive experience turns into? I still remember my first VR experience and getting badddddd cyber sickness. Urghhhh!🤢

I’m really hoping the future is fragrant with smell and taste finally stepping into AR and VR’s sensory symphony. Can you imagine all the things you’ll be able to taste, smell, see and experience!!

The places we can go!! I’m already over-excited about the sensory revolution and it’s barely just getting started! 

Playful not Painful

Using humour in dating reportedly makes a person appear more attractive or intelligent. In the longer-term how does humour in a relationship play-out?

I mean, let’s be real all relationships short and long hit a few bumps and misunderstandings from a playful joke or two. Joking around at any age or stage of a relationship is totally normal. Afterall, making one another laugh can be the secret sauce that keeps things fun and bonded. That light-hearted teasing (read: flirting) keeps the attraction alive. And then teasing around your inside jokes can result in all kinds of happy, love reward chemicals being created. Indeed, it is said that couples who laugh together often report higher satisfaction in their relationship. I feel I can vouch for this!

But when that “funny” line gets crossed into something mean-spirited, it’s no longer fun — it’s a potential problem.

At its worst "harmless" joking around might leave emotional bruises, perhaps making the recipient feel insecure over time. Jokes about your partner’s hair, cooking skills, or weird ways, at first, perhaps - no biggie, BUT over time, those "funny" comments can build resentment, making things feel less like a loving partnership and more like a silent battle zone, triggering the fight/flight response.

Wondering if your playful back-and-forth has crossed a line? Here’s a couple of my personal no-no's (read: humour boundaries).

• Mocking your partner about their looks or their intelligence.
• Insulting (making fun) of family or friends. Not a good look. You’re creating unnecessary tension and throwing shade where it’s not needed.
• Teasing as a way to criticise (insult) or vent frustration. Teasing is meant to be lighthearted, not loaded.
• Targeting known insecurities or past traumas. Never use humour as a weapon. Not cool!

Note, it can be really uncomfortable to observe socially your boundaries being crossed within other peoples relationships too, e.g. we find it really hard if not impossible to stomach others bad humour especially relationships in which you notice one partners sense-of-humour is causing a little more friction than fun. This can be harder though to see in ourselves? I'm here to help! We all have our blind spots! 

• Ask your partner right now - "Hey, I was wondering - do I ever take my jokes and teasing too far?"
• "I want to make sure I'm not teasing you in a way that bothers you - how do you feel about my teasing?"

Depending on the answer it may be time to hit pause and reevaluate. Knowing your partners humour-boundaries is crucial. Everyone is different, some people love a little playful teasing, others? Not so much. Paying attention and adjusting accordingly is going to be really important for your relationship to survive, nope, strike that - thrive!

Because life is full of those moments when everything that can go wrong does, but it’s exactly those chaotic messes that when handled with appropriate humour (read: don’t panic people) that some of the most treasured and laughed about memories are made. Think about it: the time I spilled that extra- large coffee all over our entirely white room hotel room bed/carpet/wall in Hawaii! Or trying to free our rental car from that locked lot on New Years Day and ending up in the police station. Then, there was that bed we broke in Fuerteventura! Oh my! These aren’t just mishaps; they’re the stuff of legendary stories and belly laughs. So, having a loving and good humoured relationship is vital for the next time life decides to throw your relationship a curveball, just remember: it’s all about perspective. Keep that humour sharp and those memories will become the highlights of your life’s relationship shared story.

When handled right, and done right, mishaps and jokes are a fantastic bonding experience. So, keep it light, keep it loving, and keep it about the laughs to bring you closer. If your idea of fun is causing more hurt than laughter, it’s time to dial it back and not make your partner feel like they’re the punchline.

Remember, fun times should lift up, not knock down!

Is Your Inner Bestie Calling?

I know, I know... listening to your inner voice? Sounds like something you’re asked by someone offering you a kale smoothie and reminding you to "manifest abundance." But hear me out. This isn't about crystals (though, no shade if you're into them) or chanting under a full moon (again, no judgment). This is about you finding and vibing with your true self. 

So, take a breath. Close your eyes, because, your BFF inner voice is calling and maybe it’s time to start listening?

So, how much do you trust your gut feelings?

Spoiler alert - not only does your gut intuition lead you in particular directions but nurturing your gut is crucial to your happiness. Did you know, your gut’s basically your brain’s sassy twin?

Alright, here’s the tea, your brain and your gut? Total besties. Actually, more like twins who share all the gossip. Your gut isn’t just there to process food it’s got a whole vibe of its own, sending signals to your brain 24/7. Scientists even call it the "second brain" because your gut is loaded with nerves and bacteria that affect your mood, energy, and overall health. Wild, right? 

When your gut’s happy, think fibre, probiotics, and less junk food, your brains happy. But when your gut’s throwing a tantrum, your brain’s like, “Ugh, same.” Your gut microbiome (microbiomes are trillions of bacteria), produce neurotransmitters like serotonin (read: happiness). Did you know about 90% of serotonin is made in the gut! 

So, big message … if you want to glow from the inside out, you’ve got to start showing your gut some love. Feeling anxious? That could be your gut screaming for help after you downed three energy drinks and called it a meal. Feeling off, or out of touch with yourself? Then maybe it’s time to take a journey inward. Cue the dramatic music … 

Now cut the music, because I want to dive into our gut feelings, our intuition, and while gut feelings can be automatic and seemingly come from nowhere, sometimes by going slower we can get deeper just by embracing silence. Listen, I know silence is NOT a default setting for some of us (read: me) but getting quiet is where the magic happens. Find a moment—just one, okay? Close your eyes. Take a deep belly breath (like a sleeping baby) and exhale. Feel that? Now do a couple more. Nice! Embrace it! 

Is your inner world starting to knock? At first, it might feel like chaos in there, like a group chat in overdrive. Random thoughts about that awkward thing you said, emotions bubbling up. But let it all happen, as this is where the journey begins. Don’t freak out. It’s normal. Intuition isn’t always loud. It’s not always gonna scream, “Hey, this is the answer!” It’s more like a subtle whisper or a gentle nudge. Paying attention to what comes up during still moments might just be your superpower. Gut feelings aren't just metaphoric, it's your body's feedback loop to the stimuli of your life. Try it! Creating pause points in your day, can be revolutionary personally and professionally.

And if you’re not getting any obvious answers at first, chill. Your inner wisdom isn’t ghosting you, it’s just warming up. Be patient with yourself, even if it feels like nothing’s happening, your body's feedback loop is always there, waiting for you to notice. 

When your gut tells you something, don’t brush it off like a spam email. The more you acknowledge your inner wisdom, the stronger it becomes. Remember though, your inner wisdom just like an algorithm is the sum of all your experiences and beliefs (think of your beliefs as a bookcase, everything that has been said to you, done to you, in a book, acknowledged by a place on your bookcase and we have many books in our libraries - and the more similar books you acquire, the more convinced you become about your beliefs). 

It's helpful in moments of quiet to listen and to question ourselves, our repeated thoughts and our bias.

Using Your Voice

One of the (many) things I was attracted to in my husband when I first met him was his voice. The way he speaks, was, and still is, immensely attractive to me. What is it about a voice that makes us tune-in, our hearts flutter and our ears perk up? 

Turns out, there's some seriously fascinating science behind the sounds we make. In mate selection, studies show that people find certain vocal characteristics more attractive. Think…accent, intonation, rhythm, pace, volume, even breathiness can all play a role in how attractive a voice is, along with the verbiage used. 

Voices are like a vocal fingerprint, unique to each individual. And guess what? Our voices are actually linked to our biology! Studies have shown that certain voices can trigger the release of hormones like cortisol (yikes, stress) or the lovely oxytocin (hmmmm…love hormone).

So, that little flutter or gut wrenching feeling when you hear a particular voice are real. Biologically, our brains are responsive to the ‘notes’ within voices (reading distress, fear, excitement, empathy). Our pupils respond, our heart rates react, our nervous systems, even down to our breathing patterns synchronise. 

Ahh luckily those sweet seductive soothing sounds. Just hearing my partner’s voice brings me calm!

Socially, for bonding researchers believe that we're drawn to voices that convey positive emotions. A genuine laugh, a warm tone, a hint of excitement, these vocal cues can signal that someone is friendly, approachable, and sometimes maybe even a little bit flirty this is just how social bonding happens. 

Indeed, if you're trying to make a good impression, your voice definitely matters! As a leadership facilitator I can vouch for this! Ever caught yourself saying "it's not what they said it's the way they said it"? Yup, we use vocal cues to make judgements around trustworthiness. Speaking clearly, modulating your tone, and injecting some genuine (genuine!) warmth into your voice can go a long way. 

Since, voices can capture our attention and influence what we remember. The next time you hear a voice that makes you do a double-take, take a moment to appreciate the complex science behind it. It's a fascinating reminder that attraction is more than just skin deep. Sometimes, it's all about the sound of a voice, the subtle nuances, and the unspoken messages it conveys.

So, what does this all mean? 

Well, for me now I understand the science behind why whenever there is something to be fixed, sorted or an ask around an upgrade needed, I always send my husband, or rather, I send him and his voice to work their magic!

Truth or Dare?

If there is one question that will make your palms sweat and your brain scramble for the emergency exit it is - "Honestly, what do you think?" 

It's the relationship equivalent of a pop quiz you didn't study for, except the stakes are usually way higher than a bad grade. We've all been there. So, is honesty really the best policy? Well, let's just say it's complicated. Honesty is great for building trust and intimacy. It's like the superglue of relationships. But it can also be like a rogue firework at a birthday party, potentially causing chaos and tears. 

There are perks to pinocchio-ing, sometimes it's just the path of least resistance (read: easy life). Infact sometimes even when you're semi-pinocchio-ing and it lands badly you give an inner sigh and thank the lord you didn't go full metal jacket. We often hold back on being honest for fear. Fear of hurting the other person, fear of conflict, fear of rejection, fear of losing trust and just plain old fear of trying.

When you're genuinely honest you're essentially handing someone the keys to your soul (metaphorically, of course – your actual soul is safely tucked away). You're saying, "I trust you with this messy, weird, part of me." That kind of vulnerability can forge a connection stronger than a running a three-legged race or can be a demolition derby!

How honest are you with your partner? It really depends...

I said about 8/10 (ish) and my partner said 7.5 (ish). So, we acknowledge we don't share everything - that's a great starting point, right! That's kinda honest?! Being honest can be hard and truly there are some things that just don't need to be put out there.

First, there is radical honesty - those unfiltered truths that emerge whether it's uncomfortable or might actually hurt the other person. Talking your mind, can seemingly come from no-where and catch everyone off guard. We all have our sharp edges and touching on these might unleash your inner unfiltered truth-telling monster. These truths can be relationship deal breakers so to speak.

Then there is obligatory honesty - those agreed upon rules, things you are absolutely truthful about, like financial transparency or relationship history. Once agreed upon, these things become kinda high stakes (read: red flag and emotionally charged).

And finally, discretionary honesty - when we flex the truth and flex what we share, we are situationally fluent. This version of honesty is less clear cut, it is vague and easy to get lost. Here, I may offer a little wisdom (read: learn from our mistakes). What do you think?

• Kindness and even trying to be kind is important. Honesty doesn't have to be a blunt instrument. Knowing when to hold your tongue, letting something go, really is an art. Sweat the big stuff only and forget the small stuff. If your partner loves Birkenstocks, and it's not a deal-breaker, let it slide. Say something like, "You know what?  "If your feet are happy, and you're happy, I'm happy." (Okay, maybe that's a little white lie, but we've all been there.) Honesty is important, but so is tact. So, before you unleash your unfiltered opinions on your partner's questionable thoughts or choices, remember relationships should foster respect.

• Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. The magic ingredient in the honesty stew is open communication. Talk often, share your feelings, learn to understand each other better, and remember you will get better with practice. Just slow your roll and take a beat, think about how your words might land. Really be authentic and express your true self and be vulnerable. Because not communicating honestly, trying to please the other person too much and putting their feelings constantly ahead of your own might ultimately become emotionally exhausting and a road to ruin.

• Don't let things fester (like forgotten take-out in the back of the fridge, it's not good). Whether you talk it out, text it out - just don't leave it. We usually go somewhere public on a date and talk things through (out of the house) and if talking it out is too much, we write things down and send them to each other to read and not respond (just to share thoughts). Being honest and nipping things in the bud can save you from a mountain of bad vybz and resentment later. Because let's face it, building a relationship on lies is like building a house on sand, eventually, it's gonna crumble.

Of course, all of this is may be for nothing if your relationship is already on the rocks - sorry people (just being radically honest). But if your relationship is in decent shape, then these tips might just help you navigate the tricky waters of honesty without sinking the ship.

A Love Day to Remember!?

The arrival of the month of February means one thing …the onset of Valentine’s Day! One of those days in a year when florists make bank, chocolate consumption goes into overdrive, wearing red, shades of red or anything heart themed is encouraged and confused partners everywhere attempt to wine and dine one another.

With 30+ love day experiences with my partner, I have learned much from the times we (read: I) hilariously have gotten it wrong. Let me kick things off with how not to Valentine! Ever tried to be too ambitious in your romantic gestures?

Picture this, it is Valentine’s Day and I decided to surprise my amazing partner with a 'romantic' dinner, cooked by Moi! Now, I’m not exactly what you’d call a natural in the kitchen - unless you consider boiling an egg a culinary skill. But determined to impress I googled something along the lines of ‘fancy romantic recipes’ and landed on something that sounded like it should be served at Buckingham Palace. 

Fast forward to Valentine’s night - the kitchen looks like a scene from a horror movie. Flour everywhere, raw meat lying forlornly on the counter, and mushrooms in the toaster (just don’t ask okay). The pièce de résistance? Trying to salvage the evening by pouring wine like its water, because nothing says romance like drowning your chef sorrows and choking down a nice fat crème puff pastry while trying to clean up the crime-scene. Moral of the story? Sometimes love means knowing when to buy takeout instead of trying to play Iron Chef. 

So, how to get it right without spending the evening wafting a rag under the constantly erupting smoke alarm, traumatising your family or going so far wrong it’s an unforgettable event for all the wrong reasons! 

Nothing says, "I love you" like a happy (un-stressful) time together. Here's some of my favourite ways to get Valentine's started!

• Exchanging massages, read: intimacy (just stick to tried and tested oils or lotions!)
• Do sunrise or sunset together (and pick a location where you won't be chased by angry dogs)
• Stargazing. Lay on the beach/grass/car and watch the stars (take a pillow and blanket and get comfy)
• Games night (with fun consequences)
• Karaoke night at home to our favourite tracks from when we met!
• Doing a dance challenge together 
• Exchanging love letters along the theme of 'reasons I’m still crazy about you' ...
• Nostalgia movie night with our favourite snacks and treats 
• Taking some time outdoors together and talking about our amazing future plans
• Having an all-day pajama stay home day!
• Meeting up somewhere for a hot date (with each other!)
• Texting throughout the day ‘Things I love about you’ 

Valentines is just an opportunity to show you pay attention and they say actions speak louder than words. So as someone who thrives on spontaneity and chaos (in the best way), I love when my partner surprises me in any kind of way! 

• So, being blindfolded (consensually, of course) and taken somewhere unexpected is my kind of fun!

Sometimes showing your love doesn’t mean doing more, it means doing less but of the things you truly enjoy together.

Whatever you do, make it your own, make it special and embrace your love this Valentine’s Day in a way that is meaningful for you and yours! 💖

How do we do it?

Let’s be honest, sometimes the thought of socialising feels about as appealing as doing the laundry. After a long week of battling work, the media, and the existential dread of what any given leader in the world is going to do next - the idea of facing the #outside world can seem downright apocalyptic (?!) and frankly like it just requires way too much effort. Especially if your inner critic starts whispering in your ear too!

Our friends say, “I don’t know how you do it!” I agree, I mean we aren’t young, but we do go out most weekends. The answer is simplistic - we make ourselves.

Why? 

Because here's the thing - socialising, when you're feeling more sloth than social butterfly, is actually sincerely good for your soul, particularly after a tough week. 

In my humble view, sometimes when you least feel for it, may well be when you truly actually need it the most! Think of it as feeding your brain – because let's be real, it gets hungry too! It has an appetite! It's great to shoot-the-breeze and talk through the good, bad and ugly and hear what's what. Interacting socially is what us humans do best!

- Now be honest, how's your real life social diet looking?

When we socially connect IRL, our brains release that magical love hormone, oxytocin (the one I’m always getting excited about). This isn't just for cuddling puppies and partners, although I definitely am a hugger! Oxytocin reduces stress, makes you feel happier, and even gives your immune system a little pep talk. Plus, social interaction is positively a jungle gym workout for your brain! Just imagine that every person who you socialise with is exercising your brain and keeping you agile (read: young). 

Next time you're tempted to hibernate in your pjs and become at one with the sofa, just check in with yourself:

• Are you in your own head and giving your inner critic too much airtime? 
• What does your brain and or body really need?

This is how do we do it:

• Put local events on our shared calendars (to balance holidays and budget)
• Highlight new places to check out, locally and overseas 
• A quick coffee before heading out - always!
• Music when getting ready
• Dressing for self (not fussing) equals happiness
• Comfort thanks to icy-hot, where-ever you need it. Try it on the underside of your feets - when it’s a long day or night, carnival!
• Designated driver, your ride is sorted
• Room to be spontaneous and flexible
• Balancing soft drinks and alcohol 
• Heading home when ready

Like everything in life, the more you do it, the better you get at it! Hope to see you #outside very soon!

Alternative Wellness Journey!

Okay, I’ll be honest. I'm not exactly known for my patience or bodily tolerance of big pharma. So, when my back decided to betray me in 2023(talk about being backstabbed…quite literally and blowing out both hips in subsequent years) the wonderful world of alternative health and medicine has become my BFF!

Having had my first cupping in 2025. Picture this, my back and hips adorned with a nice constellation of purple bruises courtesy of vibrating red-light cups. It kinda leaves one looking they have wrestled a giant octopus and lost. Does it work? Well, I eventually bought my own set of cups for home and will use them frequently! This morning in fact! In the short-term one feels like a warrior, emerging victorious from some ancient battle.  

Admittedly, I was a little slow to come to the acupuncture game, having had a slightly intense/painful, experience with dry needling in 2023. However, with the right person having tiny needles strategically inserted into my flesh became somewhat oddly one of my favourite forms of relaxation until the person got it wrong. Man, it is not nice when they get this one wrong.

I've also tried a cranial brain massage (who knew that was thing!)💆The cranial massage though? Both blissful and bizarre, it felt like someone was gently rocking my brain back and forth. He included some neck traction too and I emerged from the session feeling like a new taller human, albeit a slightly unbalanced one. Sadly, the guy left our island who offered this in 2024 and truly was a one-off.

I got very into herbal tinctures, creams and compounded items in 2024 and my kitchen resembled an apothecary, with mysterious ingredients and pungent smells, the ointments and liquids courtesy of a complementary health doctor, sadly they are no longer practicing either. So I'm reduced to Capisom which I buy in abundance along with regular OTC and Rx oil.

Having to wait for almost a year for meagre Chiro appointments thorough my insurance, when I finally got a few approved I was disappointed. The chiro felt pretty brutal and left me in pain for days afterwards for some very short-term relief. This one I discovered isn't for me.

I've stuck with different physio programs over the years, I had one close to my work that was awesome and included massage and water therapy (alas the insurance company struck that off) and my new Physio I stuck with for a year and made progress, but getting to and from and the once a week sessions became overwhelming to keep up with alongside lifes demands. Towards the end I genuinely questioned whether the sitting the traffic to and from, disruption to work and stress it caused was paying off. However, what was paying off was the app that guided me through exercises from the comfort of my own home. My dog, of course is utterly delighted by the array of impromptu floor exercises! I've had great gains with physio in the past.

What really made the big difference for me was neurofeedback - read my separate blog on this! It helped with cognition and coordination after I bumped my head and bought not just my brain back online but my body, it afforded me improved sleep, pain management, motor coordination. It would be my absolute top recommendation to anyone.

I mean isn't winning over the mind is half the battle?

Honestly...who knows! I’m just out here in my own lane exploring, experimenting, and learning about my body and mind in ways that pharma never quite managed to reach. 

I won’t 'long points' on meditation and gratitude, mean who isn’t onboard these days! Zoning out ‘the noise’ (read: things you honestly really and truly don’t need to worry about) is actually the only way to stay sane in this game of life.

Spiritually? Well, previously my energy focus was ‘miracle’ and oh my, was it ever! Then ‘animals’, check out my blogs regarding my experiences travelling to South Africa and Safari and now I’m focused on ‘retreat’, with this year already mandating me to the captivity of a three-week work break due to health. I'm focused on how to turn this into a positive by staging an alternate version of retreat through a trip to Turkey, Istanbul and Cappadocia this summer.