Truth or Dare?

If there is one question that will make your palms sweat and your brain scramble for the emergency exit it is - "Honestly, what do you think?" 

It's the relationship equivalent of a pop quiz you didn't study for, except the stakes are usually way higher than a bad grade. We've all been there. So, is honesty really the best policy? Well, let's just say it's complicated. Honesty is great for building trust and intimacy. It's like the superglue of relationships. But it can also be like a rogue firework at a birthday party, potentially causing chaos and tears. 

There are perks to pinocchio-ing, sometimes it's just the path of least resistance (read: easy life). Infact sometimes even when you're semi-pinocchio-ing and it lands badly you give an inner sigh and thank the lord you didn't go full metal jacket. We often hold back on being honest for fear. Fear of hurting the other person, fear of conflict, fear of rejection, fear of losing trust and just plain old fear of trying.

When you're genuinely honest you're essentially handing someone the keys to your soul (metaphorically, of course – your actual soul is safely tucked away). You're saying, "I trust you with this messy, weird, part of me." That kind of vulnerability can forge a connection stronger than a running a three-legged race or can be a demolition derby!

How honest are you with your partner? It really depends...

I said about 8/10 (ish) and my partner said 7.5 (ish). So, we acknowledge we don't share everything - that's a great starting point, right! That's kinda honest?! Being honest can be hard and truly there are some things that just don't need to be put out there.

First, there is radical honesty - those unfiltered truths that emerge whether it's uncomfortable or might actually hurt the other person. Talking your mind, can seemingly come from no-where and catch everyone off guard. We all have our sharp edges and touching on these might unleash your inner unfiltered truth-telling monster. These truths can be relationship deal breakers so to speak.

Then there is obligatory honesty - those agreed upon rules, things you are absolutely truthful about, like financial transparency or relationship history. Once agreed upon, these things become kinda high stakes (read: red flag and emotionally charged).

And finally, discretionary honesty - when we flex the truth and flex what we share, we are situationally fluent. This version of honesty is less clear cut, it is vague and easy to get lost. Here, I may offer a little wisdom (read: learn from our mistakes). What do you think?

• Kindness and even trying to be kind is important. Honesty doesn't have to be a blunt instrument. Knowing when to hold your tongue, letting something go, really is an art. Sweat the big stuff only and forget the small stuff. If your partner loves Birkenstocks, and it's not a deal-breaker, let it slide. Say something like, "You know what?  "If your feet are happy, and you're happy, I'm happy." (Okay, maybe that's a little white lie, but we've all been there.) Honesty is important, but so is tact. So, before you unleash your unfiltered opinions on your partner's questionable thoughts or choices, remember relationships should foster respect.

• Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. The magic ingredient in the honesty stew is open communication. Talk often, share your feelings, learn to understand each other better, and remember you will get better with practice. Just slow your roll and take a beat, think about how your words might land. Really be authentic and express your true self and be vulnerable. Because not communicating honestly, trying to please the other person too much and putting their feelings constantly ahead of your own might ultimately become emotionally exhausting and a road to ruin.

• Don't let things fester (like forgotten take-out in the back of the fridge, it's not good). Whether you talk it out, text it out - just don't leave it. We usually go somewhere public on a date and talk things through (out of the house) and if talking it out is too much, we write things down and send them to each other to read and not respond (just to share thoughts). Being honest and nipping things in the bud can save you from a mountain of bad vybz and resentment later. Because let's face it, building a relationship on lies is like building a house on sand, eventually, it's gonna crumble.

Of course, all of this is may be for nothing if your relationship is already on the rocks - sorry people (just being radically honest). But if your relationship is in decent shape, then these tips might just help you navigate the tricky waters of honesty without sinking the ship.