Using Your Voice

One of the (many) things I was attracted to in my husband when I first met him was his voice. The way he speaks, was, and still is, immensely attractive to me. What is it about a voice that makes us tune-in, our hearts flutter and our ears perk up? 

Turns out, there's some seriously fascinating science behind the sounds we make. In mate selection, studies show that people find certain vocal characteristics more attractive. Think…accent, intonation, rhythm, pace, volume, even breathiness can all play a role in how attractive a voice is, along with the verbiage used. 

Voices are like a vocal fingerprint, unique to each individual. And guess what? Our voices are actually linked to our biology! Studies have shown that certain voices can trigger the release of hormones like cortisol (yikes, stress) or the lovely oxytocin (hmmmm…love hormone).

So, that little flutter or gut wrenching feeling when you hear a particular voice are real. Biologically, our brains are responsive to the ‘notes’ within voices (reading distress, fear, excitement, empathy). Our pupils respond, our heart rates react, our nervous systems, even down to our breathing patterns synchronise. 

Ahh luckily those sweet seductive soothing sounds. Just hearing my partner’s voice brings me calm!

Socially, for bonding researchers believe that we're drawn to voices that convey positive emotions. A genuine laugh, a warm tone, a hint of excitement, these vocal cues can signal that someone is friendly, approachable, and sometimes maybe even a little bit flirty this is just how social bonding happens. 

Indeed, if you're trying to make a good impression, your voice definitely matters! As a leadership facilitator I can vouch for this! Ever caught yourself saying "it's not what they said it's the way they said it"? Yup, we use vocal cues to make judgements around trustworthiness. Speaking clearly, modulating your tone, and injecting some genuine (genuine!) warmth into your voice can go a long way. 

Since, voices can capture our attention and influence what we remember. The next time you hear a voice that makes you do a double-take, take a moment to appreciate the complex science behind it. It's a fascinating reminder that attraction is more than just skin deep. Sometimes, it's all about the sound of a voice, the subtle nuances, and the unspoken messages it conveys.

So, what does this all mean? 

Well, for me now I understand the science behind why whenever there is something to be fixed, sorted or an ask around an upgrade needed, I always send my husband, or rather, I send him and his voice to work their magic!

Truth or Dare?

If there is one question that will make your palms sweat and your brain scramble for the emergency exit it is - "Honestly, what do you think?" 

It's the relationship equivalent of a pop quiz you didn't study for, except the stakes are usually way higher than a bad grade. We've all been there. So, is honesty really the best policy? Well, let's just say it's complicated. Honesty is great for building trust and intimacy. It's like the superglue of relationships. But it can also be like a rogue firework at a birthday party, potentially causing chaos and tears. 

There are perks to pinocchio-ing, sometimes it's just the path of least resistance (read: easy life). Infact sometimes even when you're semi-pinocchio-ing and it lands badly you give an inner sigh and thank the lord you didn't go full metal jacket. We often hold back on being honest for fear. Fear of hurting the other person, fear of conflict, fear of rejection, fear of losing trust and just plain old fear of trying.

When you're genuinely honest you're essentially handing someone the keys to your soul (metaphorically, of course – your actual soul is safely tucked away). You're saying, "I trust you with this messy, weird, part of me." That kind of vulnerability can forge a connection stronger than a running a three-legged race or can be a demolition derby!

How honest are you with your partner? It really depends...

I said about 8/10 (ish) and my partner said 7.5 (ish). So, we acknowledge we don't share everything - that's a great starting point, right! That's kinda honest?! Being honest can be hard and truly there are some things that just don't need to be put out there.

First, there is radical honesty - those unfiltered truths that emerge whether it's uncomfortable or might actually hurt the other person. Talking your mind, can seemingly come from no-where and catch everyone off guard. We all have our sharp edges and touching on these might unleash your inner unfiltered truth-telling monster. These truths can be relationship deal breakers so to speak.

Then there is obligatory honesty - those agreed upon rules, things you are absolutely truthful about, like financial transparency or relationship history. Once agreed upon, these things become kinda high stakes (read: red flag and emotionally charged).

And finally, discretionary honesty - when we flex the truth and flex what we share, we are situationally fluent. This version of honesty is less clear cut, it is vague and easy to get lost. Here, I may offer a little wisdom (read: learn from our mistakes). What do you think?

• Kindness and even trying to be kind is important. Honesty doesn't have to be a blunt instrument. Knowing when to hold your tongue, letting something go, really is an art. Sweat the big stuff only and forget the small stuff. If your partner loves Birkenstocks, and it's not a deal-breaker, let it slide. Say something like, "You know what?  "If your feet are happy, and you're happy, I'm happy." (Okay, maybe that's a little white lie, but we've all been there.) Honesty is important, but so is tact. So, before you unleash your unfiltered opinions on your partner's questionable thoughts or choices, remember relationships should foster respect.

• Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. The magic ingredient in the honesty stew is open communication. Talk often, share your feelings, learn to understand each other better, and remember you will get better with practice. Just slow your roll and take a beat, think about how your words might land. Really be authentic and express your true self and be vulnerable. Because not communicating honestly, trying to please the other person too much and putting their feelings constantly ahead of your own might ultimately become emotionally exhausting and a road to ruin.

• Don't let things fester (like forgotten take-out in the back of the fridge, it's not good). Whether you talk it out, text it out - just don't leave it. We usually go somewhere public on a date and talk things through (out of the house) and if talking it out is too much, we write things down and send them to each other to read and not respond (just to share thoughts). Being honest and nipping things in the bud can save you from a mountain of bad vybz and resentment later. Because let's face it, building a relationship on lies is like building a house on sand, eventually, it's gonna crumble.

Of course, all of this is may be for nothing if your relationship is already on the rocks - sorry people (just being radically honest). But if your relationship is in decent shape, then these tips might just help you navigate the tricky waters of honesty without sinking the ship.

A Love Day to Remember!?

The arrival of the month of February means one thing …the onset of Valentine’s Day! One of those days in a year when florists make bank, chocolate consumption goes into overdrive, wearing red, shades of red or anything heart themed is encouraged and confused partners everywhere attempt to wine and dine one another.

With 30+ love day experiences with my partner, I have learned much from the times we (read: I) hilariously have gotten it wrong. Let me kick things off with how not to Valentine! Ever tried to be too ambitious in your romantic gestures?

Picture this, it is Valentine’s Day and I decided to surprise my amazing partner with a 'romantic' dinner, cooked by Moi! Now, I’m not exactly what you’d call a natural in the kitchen - unless you consider boiling an egg a culinary skill. But determined to impress I googled something along the lines of ‘fancy romantic recipes’ and landed on something that sounded like it should be served at Buckingham Palace. 

Fast forward to Valentine’s night - the kitchen looks like a scene from a horror movie. Flour everywhere, raw meat lying forlornly on the counter, and mushrooms in the toaster (just don’t ask okay). The pièce de résistance? Trying to salvage the evening by pouring wine like its water, because nothing says romance like drowning your chef sorrows and choking down a nice fat crème puff pastry while trying to clean up the crime-scene. Moral of the story? Sometimes love means knowing when to buy takeout instead of trying to play Iron Chef. 

So, how to get it right without spending the evening wafting a rag under the constantly erupting smoke alarm, traumatising your family or going so far wrong it’s an unforgettable event for all the wrong reasons! 

Nothing says, "I love you" like a happy (un-stressful) time together. Here's some of my favourite ways to get Valentine's started!

• Exchanging massages, read: intimacy (just stick to tried and tested oils or lotions!)
• Do sunrise or sunset together (and pick a location where you won't be chased by angry dogs)
• Stargazing. Lay on the beach/grass/car and watch the stars (take a pillow and blanket and get comfy)
• Games night (with fun consequences)
• Karaoke night at home to our favourite tracks from when we met!
• Doing a dance challenge together 
• Exchanging love letters along the theme of 'reasons I’m still crazy about you' ...
• Nostalgia movie night with our favourite snacks and treats 
• Taking some time outdoors together and talking about our amazing future plans
• Having an all-day pajama stay home day!
• Meeting up somewhere for a hot date (with each other!)
• Texting throughout the day ‘Things I love about you’ 

Valentines is just an opportunity to show you pay attention and they say actions speak louder than words. So as someone who thrives on spontaneity and chaos (in the best way), I love when my partner surprises me in any kind of way! 

• So, being blindfolded (consensually, of course) and taken somewhere unexpected is my kind of fun!

Sometimes showing your love doesn’t mean doing more, it means doing less but of the things you truly enjoy together.

Whatever you do, make it your own, make it special and embrace your love this Valentine’s Day in a way that is meaningful for you and yours! 💖

How do we do it?

Let’s be honest, sometimes the thought of socialising feels about as appealing as doing the laundry. After a long week of battling work, the media, and the existential dread of what any given leader in the world is going to do next - the idea of facing the #outside world can seem downright apocalyptic (?!) and frankly like it just requires way too much effort. Especially if your inner critic starts whispering in your ear too!

Our friends say, “I don’t know how you do it!” I agree, I mean we aren’t young, but we do go out most weekends. The answer is simplistic - we make ourselves.

Why? 

Because here's the thing - socialising, when you're feeling more sloth than social butterfly, is actually sincerely good for your soul, particularly after a tough week. 

In my humble view, sometimes when you least feel for it, may well be when you truly actually need it the most! Think of it as feeding your brain – because let's be real, it gets hungry too! It has an appetite! It's great to shoot-the-breeze and talk through the good, bad and ugly and hear what's what. Interacting socially is what us humans do best!

- Now be honest, how's your real life social diet looking?

When we socially connect IRL, our brains release that magical love hormone, oxytocin (the one I’m always getting excited about). This isn't just for cuddling puppies and partners, although I definitely am a hugger! Oxytocin reduces stress, makes you feel happier, and even gives your immune system a little pep talk. Plus, social interaction is positively a jungle gym workout for your brain! Just imagine that every person who you socialise with is exercising your brain and keeping you agile (read: young). 

Next time you're tempted to hibernate in your pjs and become at one with the sofa, just check in with yourself:

• Are you in your own head and giving your inner critic too much airtime? 
• What does your brain and or body really need?

This is how do we do it:

• Put local events on our shared calendars (to balance holidays and budget)
• Highlight new places to check out, locally and overseas 
• A quick coffee before heading out - always!
• Music when getting ready
• Dressing for self (not fussing) equals happiness
• Comfort thanks to icy-hot, where-ever you need it. Try it on the underside of your feets - when it’s a long day or night, carnival!
• Designated driver, your ride is sorted
• Room to be spontaneous and flexible
• Balancing soft drinks and alcohol 
• Heading home when ready

Like everything in life, the more you do it, the better you get at it! Hope to see you #outside very soon!

Alternative Wellness Journey!

Okay, I’ll be honest. I'm not exactly known for my patience or bodily tolerance of big pharma. So, when my back decided to betray me in 2023(talk about being backstabbed…quite literally and blowing out both hips in subsequent years) the wonderful world of alternative health and medicine has become my BFF!

Having had my first cupping in 2025. Picture this, my back and hips adorned with a nice constellation of purple bruises courtesy of vibrating red-light cups. It kinda leaves one looking they have wrestled a giant octopus and lost. Does it work? Well, I eventually bought my own set of cups for home and will use them frequently! This morning in fact! In the short-term one feels like a warrior, emerging victorious from some ancient battle.  

Admittedly, I was a little slow to come to the acupuncture game, having had a slightly intense/painful, experience with dry needling in 2023. However, with the right person having tiny needles strategically inserted into my flesh became somewhat oddly one of my favourite forms of relaxation until the person got it wrong. Man, it is not nice when they get this one wrong.

I've also tried a cranial brain massage (who knew that was thing!)💆The cranial massage though? Both blissful and bizarre, it felt like someone was gently rocking my brain back and forth. He included some neck traction too and I emerged from the session feeling like a new taller human, albeit a slightly unbalanced one. Sadly, the guy left our island who offered this in 2024 and truly was a one-off.

I got very into herbal tinctures, creams and compounded items in 2024 and my kitchen resembled an apothecary, with mysterious ingredients and pungent smells, the ointments and liquids courtesy of a complementary health doctor, sadly they are no longer practicing either. So I'm reduced to Capisom which I buy in abundance along with regular OTC and Rx oil.

Having to wait for almost a year for meagre Chiro appointments thorough my insurance, when I finally got a few approved I was disappointed. The chiro felt pretty brutal and left me in pain for days afterwards for some very short-term relief. This one I discovered isn't for me.

I've stuck with different physio programs over the years, I had one close to my work that was awesome and included massage and water therapy (alas the insurance company struck that off) and my new Physio I stuck with for a year and made progress, but getting to and from and the once a week sessions became overwhelming to keep up with alongside lifes demands. Towards the end I genuinely questioned whether the sitting the traffic to and from, disruption to work and stress it caused was paying off. However, what was paying off was the app that guided me through exercises from the comfort of my own home. My dog, of course is utterly delighted by the array of impromptu floor exercises! I've had great gains with physio in the past.

What really made the big difference for me was neurofeedback - read my separate blog on this! It helped with cognition and coordination after I bumped my head and bought not just my brain back online but my body, it afforded me improved sleep, pain management, motor coordination. It would be my absolute top recommendation to anyone.

I mean isn't winning over the mind is half the battle?

Honestly...who knows! I’m just out here in my own lane exploring, experimenting, and learning about my body and mind in ways that pharma never quite managed to reach. 

I won’t 'long points' on meditation and gratitude, mean who isn’t onboard these days! Zoning out ‘the noise’ (read: things you honestly really and truly don’t need to worry about) is actually the only way to stay sane in this game of life.

Spiritually? Well, previously my energy focus was ‘miracle’ and oh my, was it ever! Then ‘animals’, check out my blogs regarding my experiences travelling to South Africa and Safari and now I’m focused on ‘retreat’, with this year already mandating me to the captivity of a three-week work break due to health. I'm focused on how to turn this into a positive by staging an alternate version of retreat through a trip to Turkey, Istanbul and Cappadocia this summer.

Dog! Goat! Pothole!

After 17-18 visits (tbh I’ve lost track) I’m still navigating Jamaica. Every trip is so different. A land of overwhelmingly amazing people, reggae, dancehall, overproof rum, and ridiculously good jerk chicken. Beneath its vibrant surface lies a unique rhythm, a chaos so captivating to me that I find it; addictively exhilarating, unbelievably adventurous as well as downright bewildering! 

Why do we love our travel adventures there so much? 

It affords us a bond and closeness that is unmatched! In life those moments of challenge, and the way couples respond together, rather than just as individuals, is essential. This togetherness is central for both our wellbeing's, health and security within our relationship because working as a unit to manage stress, provide emotional support, and solve problems … well isn't this what relationships are all about? Combined with our digital detox, our closeness and connectivity was incomparable!

 

On this trip, after a severe fainting spell, I had the added fun of a highly visible bruised face (🦝). Understand the Dog, Goat, Pothole title isn't about animal welfare (though that's important too of course). It's about togetherness and accepting the unexpected. Jamaica just isn’t like anywhere else in the world! 🇯🇲

Dog, Goat, Pothole is really my way of saying to expect the unexpected - honestly, what could be more romantic? A sudden downpour, a random round of applause when the plane touches down that is so touching you shed tears, surviving a stray pack of dogs chasing your car, endless rivers, getting utterly lost, a burst of impromptu car screen washing, unsubscribing to any ideas of queuing, sipping on some overproof drinks, and soaking up the memories of laid-back island vibes, the mountains, beautiful ocean, an insanely nauseating uber ride, befriending the local police, unfathomable trumpeting at a concert, making new friends and seeing old friends who will assist you in a heartbeat - expecting nothing in return. Embrace the spontaneity. It will not just affirm your love for each other but for the human race!

Do you have travel plans in 2025 - here's my top tips for having fun?

• hold your own
• join the rhythm
• surrender

Let go of your rigid ideas, notions and allow yourself to be swept away. Let the experiences be the souvenirs you bring home. Because, travel is more than just a vacation - it's a potentially life changing experience that profoundly impacts our brains if we let it. It can boost creativity and introspection, make our brains more cognitively flexible, forge new neural connections, enhance innovation in our thinking, calm our bodies, disconnect us from worries, lower stress cortisol levels, encourage mindfulness, and hone our appreciation of the beauty around us and within each other. Pair it with intentionally learning something new like, a cooking, language or karma sutra class for extra spice and strengthening! Ah sweet memories! 

Happy 2025 friends!

Powering Down

How we plan to make the most memorable moments and why we are keeping them all to ourselves!

For us any holiday is a time for connection, love, and laughter. While we are guaranteed to weave in a whirlwind of parties, events and adventures we also respect that a holiday is an important time to slow down and savour some moments and time just for us. 

What are you doing to make your time together meaningful and special this holiday?

Here’s how we plan to make the most of our holiday this season. We have pre-agreed to prioritise mindful moments and spend ‘real quality time together’. This means we have agreed on (ddddddrrrrruuummm roll please) a Digital Detox! Yup! A full disconnection from technology to focus on real-life connection for 5 days. The phones are going in the safe for 5 days so we can focus on truly being together, enjoying ourselves, one another, relaxation, good food, good sights, being outside and enjoying nature!

Think you couldn’t do a digital detox?

Try it! Whenever we do this, it really is a powerful tool in helping us disconnect, recharge, and reconnect with ourselves, our love and the world around us.   

There are so many benefits! Aside from how all that constant exposure to screens and social media contributes to stress and anxiety, a digital detox can help you truly unwind and relax. 

It gives you time to pause and re-examine your relationship with your social media and technology and think about how it affects you. 

Plus removing your phone from your bedroom can be a game changer (if the last thing you do before going to sleep and the first thing you do when you wake up is scroll through your phone, remove this distraction…)

Not ready to go cold … turkey?

Try these bite-size tips to get you started.

1. Start small and go offline, but only for a limited time. 

2. Decide on a time to unplug when you will have the best chance at success. Maybe that’s on mornings or afternoons. You may have noticed I've started to pull-back on my usage already, priming myself for the full powering down!

3. Just decide what’s best for you and stick with it. Small actions like simply limiting online usage to only the necessities. Make simple realistic rules about what you will and won’t allow yourself to do. e.g. If you’re driving on vacay and need directions, then only use your phone to get you where you need to go.

Just remember before you power down to be sure you communicate with important people about when and how long you’ll be offline (as one thing that hits hard, is how demanding some people are, e.g. they're used to us responding to their every whim!) So, tell key people how they can reach you in an absolute emergency. 

Taking any steps to limit screen time is guaranteed to improve your most important relationship, and relationships in general which can positively impact your life in many ways! 

Make this holiday season one to remember. Instead of rushing through the holidays, take time to be present and enjoy each moment! 

Sleigh The Holiday Hustle

As the holiday season picks up speed, it’s easy to get caught in the whirlwind of doing, achieving, and being everything to everyone. We juggle office parties, gift shopping, family gatherings, holiday planning - and let’s not forget our already-packed daily schedules and the traffic jams we navigate. Amidst all the festivities, it’s so easy to forget the one thing that matters most, you!

I had a wake-up call this week at a Wellness Expo. Ever had one of those "whoa" moments where you see yourself as a bunch of numbers and data? Let’s just say, stepping on a full-body scan machine is an eye-opener and really drives home the reality that, yes, we are only human - flesh, bones!

But here's the thing, as we dive into this holiday season here in the beautiful Cayman Islands, self-care is no longer a luxury—it’s a must. Without taking care of you, how can you show up for everyone else?

Here are four of my top tips for sleighing the holiday hustle and sustaining your festive vibes while you juggle the chaos:

Make Self-Care Non-Negotiable

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days (though those are really, really nice of course!) It’s about eating when you're hungry and sleeping when you're tired, these basics are crucial to your human existence. Don’t just schedule in time for yourself—prioritise it. Your body, mind, and spirit will thank you. 

Set Boundaries and Advocate for Yourself

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you should be saying "yes" to everything during the holidays, but here’s a festive reminder - you are allowed to say "no"! Advocate for yourself by setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them; be selective and pace yourself. Your time and energy are precious, so protect them like the valuable resources they are.

Take Breaks that Actually Recharge You

Breaks aren’t just for grabbing a coffee or running errands; they should revive you! For me, this means taking a quick walk outside and also doing some simple stretches. These little and often pauses throughout the day help refresh my mind, boost my focus, and give me the energy to power through the day.

Reflect

As we charge into this busy season, remember; the holidays are supposed to be meaningful, festive, and full of joy. They’re also a time to check in with yourself. Are you taking care of your whole self? How would rate yourself out of 10 for each of these areas? Ten being the highest and one the lowest. For me, technical is going to be one key area of focus this season!

#physical 

#occupational 

#intellectual 

#spiritual 

#financial 

#environmental 

#spiritual 

#emotional 

#social 

#technical 

Make self-care a priority because without you, where would the holiday magic be?