How do we do it?

Let’s be honest, sometimes the thought of socialising feels about as appealing as doing the laundry. After a long week of battling work, the media, and the existential dread of what any given leader in the world is going to do next - the idea of facing the #outside world can seem downright apocalyptic (?!) and frankly like it just requires way too much effort. Especially if your inner critic starts whispering in your ear too!

Our friends say, “I don’t know how you do it!” I agree, I mean we aren’t young, but we do go out most weekends. The answer is simplistic - we make ourselves.

Why? 

Because here's the thing - socialising, when you're feeling more sloth than social butterfly, is actually sincerely good for your soul, particularly after a tough week. 

In my humble view, sometimes when you least feel for it, may well be when you truly actually need it the most! Think of it as feeding your brain – because let's be real, it gets hungry too! It has an appetite! It's great to shoot-the-breeze and talk through the good, bad and ugly and hear what's what. Interacting socially is what us humans do best!

- Now be honest, how's your real life social diet looking?

When we socially connect IRL, our brains release that magical love hormone, oxytocin (the one I’m always getting excited about). This isn't just for cuddling puppies and partners, although I definitely am a hugger! Oxytocin reduces stress, makes you feel happier, and even gives your immune system a little pep talk. Plus, social interaction is positively a jungle gym workout for your brain! Just imagine that every person who you socialise with is exercising your brain and keeping you agile (read: young). 

Next time you're tempted to hibernate in your pjs and become at one with the sofa, just check in with yourself:

• Are you in your own head and giving your inner critic too much airtime? 
• What does your brain and or body really need?

This is how do we do it:

• Put local events on our shared calendars (to balance holidays and budget)
• Highlight new places to check out, locally and overseas 
• A quick coffee before heading out - always!
• Music when getting ready
• Dressing for self (not fussing) equals happiness
• Comfort thanks to icy-hot, where-ever you need it. Try it on the underside of your feets - when it’s a long day or night, carnival!
• Designated driver, your ride is sorted
• Room to be spontaneous and flexible
• Balancing soft drinks and alcohol 
• Heading home when ready

Like everything in life, the more you do it, the better you get at it! Hope to see you #outside very soon!

Alternative Wellness Journey!

Okay, I’ll be honest. I'm not exactly known for my patience or bodily tolerance of big pharma. So, when my back decided to betray me in 2023(talk about being backstabbed…quite literally and blowing out both hips in subsequent years) the wonderful world of alternative health and medicine has become my BFF!

Having had my first cupping in 2025. Picture this, my back and hips adorned with a nice constellation of purple bruises courtesy of vibrating red-light cups. It kinda leaves one looking they have wrestled a giant octopus and lost. Does it work? Well, I eventually bought my own set of cups for home and will use them frequently! This morning in fact! In the short-term one feels like a warrior, emerging victorious from some ancient battle.  

Admittedly, I was a little slow to come to the acupuncture game, having had a slightly intense/painful, experience with dry needling in 2023. However, with the right person having tiny needles strategically inserted into my flesh became somewhat oddly one of my favourite forms of relaxation until the person got it wrong. Man, it is not nice when they get this one wrong.

I've also tried a cranial brain massage (who knew that was thing!)💆The cranial massage though? Both blissful and bizarre, it felt like someone was gently rocking my brain back and forth. He included some neck traction too and I emerged from the session feeling like a new taller human, albeit a slightly unbalanced one. Sadly, the guy left our island who offered this in 2024 and truly was a one-off.

I got very into herbal tinctures, creams and compounded items in 2024 and my kitchen resembled an apothecary, with mysterious ingredients and pungent smells, the ointments and liquids courtesy of a complementary health doctor, sadly they are no longer practicing either. So I'm reduced to Capisom which I buy in abundance along with regular OTC and Rx oil.

Having to wait for almost a year for meagre Chiro appointments thorough my insurance, when I finally got a few approved I was disappointed. The chiro felt pretty brutal and left me in pain for days afterwards for some very short-term relief. This one I discovered isn't for me.

I've stuck with different physio programs over the years, I had one close to my work that was awesome and included massage and water therapy (alas the insurance company struck that off) and my new Physio I stuck with for a year and made progress, but getting to and from and the once a week sessions became overwhelming to keep up with alongside lifes demands. Towards the end I genuinely questioned whether the sitting the traffic to and from, disruption to work and stress it caused was paying off. However, what was paying off was the app that guided me through exercises from the comfort of my own home. My dog, of course is utterly delighted by the array of impromptu floor exercises! I've had great gains with physio in the past.

What really made the big difference for me was neurofeedback - read my separate blog on this! It helped with cognition and coordination after I bumped my head and bought not just my brain back online but my body, it afforded me improved sleep, pain management, motor coordination. It would be my absolute top recommendation to anyone.

I mean isn't winning over the mind is half the battle?

Honestly...who knows! I’m just out here in my own lane exploring, experimenting, and learning about my body and mind in ways that pharma never quite managed to reach. 

I won’t 'long points' on meditation and gratitude, mean who isn’t onboard these days! Zoning out ‘the noise’ (read: things you honestly really and truly don’t need to worry about) is actually the only way to stay sane in this game of life.

Spiritually? Well, previously my energy focus was ‘miracle’ and oh my, was it ever! Then ‘animals’, check out my blogs regarding my experiences travelling to South Africa and Safari and now I’m focused on ‘retreat’, with this year already mandating me to the captivity of a three-week work break due to health. I'm focused on how to turn this into a positive by staging an alternate version of retreat through a trip to Turkey, Istanbul and Cappadocia this summer.

Dog! Goat! Pothole!

After 17-18 visits (tbh I’ve lost track) I’m still navigating Jamaica. Every trip is so different. A land of overwhelmingly amazing people, reggae, dancehall, overproof rum, and ridiculously good jerk chicken. Beneath its vibrant surface lies a unique rhythm, a chaos so captivating to me that I find it; addictively exhilarating, unbelievably adventurous as well as downright bewildering! 

Why do we love our travel adventures there so much? 

It affords us a bond and closeness that is unmatched! In life those moments of challenge, and the way couples respond together, rather than just as individuals, is essential. This togetherness is central for both our wellbeing's, health and security within our relationship because working as a unit to manage stress, provide emotional support, and solve problems … well isn't this what relationships are all about? Combined with our digital detox, our closeness and connectivity was incomparable!

 

On this trip, after a severe fainting spell, I had the added fun of a highly visible bruised face (🦝). Understand the Dog, Goat, Pothole title isn't about animal welfare (though that's important too of course). It's about togetherness and accepting the unexpected. Jamaica just isn’t like anywhere else in the world! 🇯🇲

Dog, Goat, Pothole is really my way of saying to expect the unexpected - honestly, what could be more romantic? A sudden downpour, a random round of applause when the plane touches down that is so touching you shed tears, surviving a stray pack of dogs chasing your car, endless rivers, getting utterly lost, a burst of impromptu car screen washing, unsubscribing to any ideas of queuing, sipping on some overproof drinks, and soaking up the memories of laid-back island vibes, the mountains, beautiful ocean, an insanely nauseating uber ride, befriending the local police, unfathomable trumpeting at a concert, making new friends and seeing old friends who will assist you in a heartbeat - expecting nothing in return. Embrace the spontaneity. It will not just affirm your love for each other but for the human race!

Do you have travel plans in 2025 - here's my top tips for having fun?

• hold your own
• join the rhythm
• surrender

Let go of your rigid ideas, notions and allow yourself to be swept away. Let the experiences be the souvenirs you bring home. Because, travel is more than just a vacation - it's a potentially life changing experience that profoundly impacts our brains if we let it. It can boost creativity and introspection, make our brains more cognitively flexible, forge new neural connections, enhance innovation in our thinking, calm our bodies, disconnect us from worries, lower stress cortisol levels, encourage mindfulness, and hone our appreciation of the beauty around us and within each other. Pair it with intentionally learning something new like, a cooking, language or karma sutra class for extra spice and strengthening! Ah sweet memories! 

Happy 2025 friends!

Powering Down

How we plan to make the most memorable moments and why we are keeping them all to ourselves!

For us any holiday is a time for connection, love, and laughter. While we are guaranteed to weave in a whirlwind of parties, events and adventures we also respect that a holiday is an important time to slow down and savour some moments and time just for us. 

What are you doing to make your time together meaningful and special this holiday?

Here’s how we plan to make the most of our holiday this season. We have pre-agreed to prioritise mindful moments and spend ‘real quality time together’. This means we have agreed on (ddddddrrrrruuummm roll please) a Digital Detox! Yup! A full disconnection from technology to focus on real-life connection for 5 days. The phones are going in the safe for 5 days so we can focus on truly being together, enjoying ourselves, one another, relaxation, good food, good sights, being outside and enjoying nature!

Think you couldn’t do a digital detox?

Try it! Whenever we do this, it really is a powerful tool in helping us disconnect, recharge, and reconnect with ourselves, our love and the world around us.   

There are so many benefits! Aside from how all that constant exposure to screens and social media contributes to stress and anxiety, a digital detox can help you truly unwind and relax. 

It gives you time to pause and re-examine your relationship with your social media and technology and think about how it affects you. 

Plus removing your phone from your bedroom can be a game changer (if the last thing you do before going to sleep and the first thing you do when you wake up is scroll through your phone, remove this distraction…)

Not ready to go cold … turkey?

Try these bite-size tips to get you started.

1. Start small and go offline, but only for a limited time. 

2. Decide on a time to unplug when you will have the best chance at success. Maybe that’s on mornings or afternoons. You may have noticed I've started to pull-back on my usage already, priming myself for the full powering down!

3. Just decide what’s best for you and stick with it. Small actions like simply limiting online usage to only the necessities. Make simple realistic rules about what you will and won’t allow yourself to do. e.g. If you’re driving on vacay and need directions, then only use your phone to get you where you need to go.

Just remember before you power down to be sure you communicate with important people about when and how long you’ll be offline (as one thing that hits hard, is how demanding some people are, e.g. they're used to us responding to their every whim!) So, tell key people how they can reach you in an absolute emergency. 

Taking any steps to limit screen time is guaranteed to improve your most important relationship, and relationships in general which can positively impact your life in many ways! 

Make this holiday season one to remember. Instead of rushing through the holidays, take time to be present and enjoy each moment! 

Sleigh The Holiday Hustle

As the holiday season picks up speed, it’s easy to get caught in the whirlwind of doing, achieving, and being everything to everyone. We juggle office parties, gift shopping, family gatherings, holiday planning - and let’s not forget our already-packed daily schedules and the traffic jams we navigate. Amidst all the festivities, it’s so easy to forget the one thing that matters most, you!

I had a wake-up call this week at a Wellness Expo. Ever had one of those "whoa" moments where you see yourself as a bunch of numbers and data? Let’s just say, stepping on a full-body scan machine is an eye-opener and really drives home the reality that, yes, we are only human - flesh, bones!

But here's the thing, as we dive into this holiday season here in the beautiful Cayman Islands, self-care is no longer a luxury—it’s a must. Without taking care of you, how can you show up for everyone else?

Here are four of my top tips for sleighing the holiday hustle and sustaining your festive vibes while you juggle the chaos:

Make Self-Care Non-Negotiable

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days (though those are really, really nice of course!) It’s about eating when you're hungry and sleeping when you're tired, these basics are crucial to your human existence. Don’t just schedule in time for yourself—prioritise it. Your body, mind, and spirit will thank you. 

Set Boundaries and Advocate for Yourself

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you should be saying "yes" to everything during the holidays, but here’s a festive reminder - you are allowed to say "no"! Advocate for yourself by setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them; be selective and pace yourself. Your time and energy are precious, so protect them like the valuable resources they are.

Take Breaks that Actually Recharge You

Breaks aren’t just for grabbing a coffee or running errands; they should revive you! For me, this means taking a quick walk outside and also doing some simple stretches. These little and often pauses throughout the day help refresh my mind, boost my focus, and give me the energy to power through the day.

Reflect

As we charge into this busy season, remember; the holidays are supposed to be meaningful, festive, and full of joy. They’re also a time to check in with yourself. Are you taking care of your whole self? How would rate yourself out of 10 for each of these areas? Ten being the highest and one the lowest. For me, technical is going to be one key area of focus this season!

#physical 

#occupational 

#intellectual 

#spiritual 

#financial 

#environmental 

#spiritual 

#emotional 

#social 

#technical 

Make self-care a priority because without you, where would the holiday magic be?

Mind Cart Carnage

Did you know that once you add something to your cart (online or IRL), it starts to feel like yours? Psychologists call this the endowment effect! Once it’s in there, you start to picture yourself with it and before you know it you’re on the hook. At this time of year, with Black Friday deals galore - it’s personal people!

I get myself into absolute knots asking myself, am I really saving money, or is this just marketing? If you’ve ever had the “Should I? Shouldn’t I?” conundrum, well welcome to the club! Black Friday doesn’t just encourage this chaos in the mind; it actually survives and thrives on it. It’s the one of those times of year when perfectly sane adults are prepared to physically fight and/or get up at 4am for a discounted toaster – but why?

There are many psychological tricks at play. Let’s look at three!

1.      FOMO is real, people – read the sign … ONLY TWO LEFT! LIMITED SUPPLY! ONLY WHILE STOCKS LAST! ONE DAY ONLY!

OMG. Suddenly, your pulse quickens, your palms sweat, and your brain screams, “buy, buy.”

It’s marketing at its best. Scarcity triggers a fear of missing out (FOMO), making us panic-buy like it’s Black Friday or bust. Psychologists call it loss aversion, which is fancy talk for “missing out hurts”. Ahhh, the proverbial one that got away! 

2.      Social Proof = Your Frenemy

You weren’t even planning to shop Black Friday, but then you see your friend’s IG… Ever heard of a bandwagon? Well, this is the called the bandwagon effect. If my friends are in on it, shouldn’t I be, too? 

Crowded stores, trending hashtags, influencer posts, live radio reports, the hype creates social proof, making you think, if everyone’s doing it, it must be good. It is a contagion!

3.      The Illusion of “Savings”

The Black Friday Jedi mind trick that rules them all - the price! That $399 TV with the “original price” of $799? It’s truly possible that the $799 price point never actually existed. Retailers love to slap inflated prices next to discounts to make you feel like you’re getting a deal, a steal even. Meanwhile, you’re too busy high-fiving yourself to realise you just dropped $400 on a TV you probably didn’t even need.

So, what to do? 

First, let’s all take a deep breath! Black Friday might be a jungle of marketing and psychological mind games, but you don’t have to fall for them. Here are three tips to reclaim your sanity and to actually score a deal!

• Plan your buys. Make a list (and check it twice). Tis the season! Know what you need and check price histories – is that “deal” actually a deal?
• Ask yourself, do I need this, or do I just want it or want the dopamine rush of a “bargain”?
• And remember, the best savings might just be the dollars you don’t spend!

Rewired

It was once thought that by the time you stopped physically growing so did your brain. Not true. However, do you ever find yourself locked into the same repetitive thoughts? Or facing another version of the same issue? Have you seen or heard of Erikson’s stages of Psychosocial Development?

Erikson's model shows us that as we grow through each stage of life there maybe potential crisis that we meet and potential outcomes and virtues arising from each stage which can shape our self-perception for years to come. 

What is one repeated negative thought that you have about yourself? 

What virtues show up in your life?

Let's take self-doubt. I mean, who hasn’t had moments of self-doubt, those niggling thoughts that whisper, "I’m not good enough"?

The difference is, these moments stretch far beyond mere moments in time, for instance, it is not uncommon for me to encounter in my work, a really high performing individual who is tirelessly striving to prove themselves competent at the absolute highest level, because they harbour huge self-doubt; fear they are not good enough; not competent enough. They punish themselves needlessly striving to be absolutely perfect. Labels are applied such as, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, control freak and micro manager etc. The constant grind of self-doubt impacts all dimensions of their live; their ability to relate to others, how they prioritise (fail to empower and seek control), their relationships, ability to let-go and have fun, as behaviours are based on feelings of self-worth (which lurch up and downlike a yo-yo).

Here’s the good news, our brains aren’t static, they’re dynamic, ever-evolving organs capable of incredible change. This is where neuroplasticity comes in. Just like a muscle, our brains capacity to learn, adapt and grow is immense, and with intention and practice our brains, moreover, you have the power to rewire your brain and overcome negative thought patterns, like self-doubt, mistrust etc. 

1. Becoming aware is the key! 

• reflecting on Erickson’s diagram may help

• asking yourself, what is the negative thought(s) I constantly have? 

• keeping a note of reoccurring thoughts or themes

• engaging with a coach or someone really close for a candid conversation

• if you are in a position of management seeking 360 feedback 

2. With awareness, you may begin to notice your thought patterns, and when and where they show up as well as their impact. Then you may want to consider how to start challenging yourself, even setting goals to e.g. cultivate a more positive mindset for a happier you.

• We are all capable of adjusting our perceptions it just may take a little effort as your neural pathways, are likely deeply ploughed and carved out. Think of them as toll-free, fast-track superhighways that you have used daily perhaps for decades. So creating a new path, think of an untouched field of tall thick grass, with not even a clear path laid out, you will have to intentionally forge a path through it and use it repeatedly or the grass will regrow, this is how good intentions are lost, because your brain will want to jump onto the superhighway, it's the proverbial path of least resistance, even if the super-highway no longer serves the way of life you desire or seek. 
• Try this - brush your teeth or write with your non-dominant hand - it's hard right!? You have to really think about it, it takes a lot of effort, your brain is urging you to do what you've always done, you have to consciously reject that urge to finish brushing or writing, likely your hand/arm aches a little - but with practice and intention you will get good at it!

3. This is why practices like, writing goals down and having vision boards that you refer to often are considered good practices, as they visually support the brain and keep you conscious of what you actually want, otherwise, your brain will just seek the path of least resistance.

The takeaways? 

• Don’t be misled into thinking oh, I'll never be able to change because honestly your brain shouldn't be something you feel hopeless about. 
• You really can change, be it; your thinking, your career, your relationships, your resilience, ability to trust - throughout your life, the ability to get rewired is a beacon of hope to be embraced!

5 Ways in Which I Try To Live My Best Life

Why do I take it as a humongous compliment when someone tells me I'm a "cool person". 

Cause I know it isn't about money, (as honestly, I really don't have any) or 

expensive possessions (have you seen the car I drive?) 

I believe it’s more about cultivating genuine respectful connections, 

being a compassionate human and exuding confidence.

So here goes, 5 ways I ‘try’ to live my best life!

Be Here Now

In my 20s I was introduced to the idea of 'Be Here Now', it was so powerful and stayed with me as an aspiration, wherever and whoever I'm with I aspire to be fully activated and engaged. I try! Being curious and listening shows respect and is the foundation of understanding others. Not easy, for me as I’m hearing impaired, so I’ve had to really learn to tune into people and try to read the non-verbals too, I think being present is such a powerful tool though for building new relationships, activating empathy and strengthening existing relationships. 

Kindness and Jai Yen

Be there for humanity, both in good and hard times, if you can help or support another, do it. It may cost you a little something or nothing, but I guarantee it will make you feel connected in ways you never imagined. Gratitude, appreciation and patience goes a very long way absolutely everywhere in the world I've lived, worked or travelled to. Patience in my view, is seriously under-rated as a virtue that can help you navigate many of life's challenges, when I lived and worked in Thailand Jai-Yen (Cool Heart) was the only way to get things done. The mere sniff of Jai Rawn (Hot Heart) shut people down. Calmly being there for others boosts positive emotions and reduces your own stress. I feel that there are so many things in the world today that we are hostage to, and that can cause us distress - so I try to practice a cool heart and kindness - to be a positive force for good. Plus, kindness triggers the release of oxytocin.

Smile! Laugh! Be a Good Sport!

It's simple, humour releases endorphins, which can improve our mood, reduce stress as well as make us more relatable. Couple good humour with sportsmanship and just say yes and then laugh it off afterwards. I think when we don’t take ourselves too seriously it makes us more likeable, and things in life just go smoother for us when people like us! I’m naturally very smiley, energetic and enthusiastic so I have to dial this one back on occasion, for as long as I can recall I have been picked out of crowds for all manner of shenanigans I just have that face!

Embrace Failure 

Stepping outside of your comfort zone stimulates your brain and expands your horizons. Think of the amazing people you might meet, the awesome experiences you could have and opportunities that may open up for you! Failure gets a bad rap, and it shouldn't. Failure is simply to be expected, healthy and should be normalised as part of the human experience. I’ve had many set-backs and fails enough to fuel blog content for a year! Failure offers us growth and insight into ourselves, giving us a valuable learning opportunity and when coupled with a positive attitude can attract positive people and experiences. Think of the things you could do!

Confidence?

Setting boundaries helps you prioritise and reduce stress. When you enforce your own boundaries, you feel better about yourself and boost your self-esteem. Facts! Plus, confidence is an attractive quality (ask anyone!) Your body language speaks volumes. And so, it goes without saying that effective communication helps with your confidence and in turn your ability to create and sustain healthy relationships. Consider, what do you look like when you are happy? Aim for this! 

Confidence largely comes from trust, you trust your predispositions (character) and your potential (character) enough to get through situations a-z. Think about when you're at your happiest, nothing can burst your bubble, bring you down and you're more willing to have a go and let things go. You most likely assume positive intent from the world and are seeing the world through a lens of positivity and possibilities.

So, ask yourself, what things can I put into place in my life that would make me feel like the world is a safe place for me to be the best version of myself. 

Novelty and creating a shared story

So, in one of my previous blogs, I shared a few simple ways couples can tap into that natural love high by triggering oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This week, I’m diving into the magic of shared experiences. You know, the kind where you turn to your partner and say, “Remember that time we…?”

As a couple who basically does everything together (seriously, we’re talking synchronized pant wearing levels of togetherness), I started wondering: does doing all these things together really bring us closer? Or are we just becoming eerily alike in every possible way?

Think about your own adventures with your partner – joining a gym together (making each other regret going too hard on leg day), cooking something ambitious (competitive chopping), or hiking a trail (and figuring out one of you just throws the map out the window and is way too impulsive). Maybe you’ve tried surfing? (Yup - you’ve learned one of you is a potential pro surfer and the other (me) has learned to respect the ocean, read: there was a lot of face planting).

These experiences, as I’ve discovered, aren’t just fun; they’re actually ways of strengthening neural pathways between you and your partner. And yes, that really does bring you closer together! Our brains sync up, literally – it’s kinda like upgrading from bluetooth to full, unbreakable wi-fi. Who doesn’t want wi-fi? Suddenly, you’re more deeply connected in ways only the two of you get! 

Take the simple joys, like cozy nights in. There’s something magical about listening to music, binge-watching a show, or my personal favourite – staying up all night talking about anything and everything. These moments are the oxytocin factories of love! And when you add a new experience into the mix, your brains create a unique memory, that becomes your own secret code, understood only by the two of you. Maybe, you even invent whole new words, phrases or patterns of behaviour that only the two of you understand and that supports that connection even more!

My partner has this thing where he loves when I rub his forehead in a very specific way (don’t ask me why; it’s like our relationship’s secret handshake)!

So, next time you’re planning a date night or getaway, yes, you’re having fun, but you’re also doing some deep-level relationship bonding. I can’t encourage you enough to get out there, go to new places, meet new people and try something new! Besides, nothing says "relationship goals" like two people trying something new for the first time while pretending not to be terrified!