32 years in, and I still look at him like I’ve just won the lottery, or at least found a shady parking spot in George Town on a triple cruise ship day. People often ask, "what’s your secret?"
If your relationship currently feels as sticky as Wi-Fi, 1min you’re streaming in 4K harmony, and the next you’re staring at the spinning wheel of death in frustration, you can blame your biology.
In neuroscience it’s called habituation. The brain is an energy saving machine, so if you do the same thing every day, your neural pathways take a shortcut and eventually, your brain starts to treat your partner like a sturdy, reliable, but ultimately invisible piece of living room furniture which you don't notice until you stub your toe on it (ouch!)
But when you experience something new together, your brain releases a chemical cocktail that mimics the early honeymoon phase of a relationship.
We recently returned from our 20th-something trip to Jamaica, but we intentionally kept the itinerary, our styles and the fun new and unpredictable. By choosing novel and different, it shifts your dynamic to partners in crime (rather than roomies).
Of course, true intimacy isn't just about the grand adventures (despite my love of them) it’s also about attunement. It’s that high-level sync where I can be across a crowded event, catch my partner’s eye, and instantly communicate a manifesto of intent without saying a single word, my message is received!
“I love you, I’m having an awesome time, but if we are not in the car and moving for food within 5m, I may spontaneously combust." When you’re in sync, no mission briefing or discussion is needed. You just catch that glance, nod, and synchronise to execute a tactical withdrawal with the grace of a covert operative.
The secret to 32 happy young years? Keep your partners brain guessing, keep their heart engaged, and always know when your partner’s emergency exit is needed!
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