Is Your Inner Bestie Calling?

I know, I know... listening to your inner voice? Sounds like something you’re asked by someone offering you a kale smoothie and reminding you to "manifest abundance." But hear me out. This isn't about crystals (though, no shade if you're into them) or chanting under a full moon (again, no judgment). This is about you finding and vibing with your true self. 

So, take a breath. Close your eyes, because, your BFF inner voice is calling and maybe it’s time to start listening?

So, how much do you trust your gut feelings?

Spoiler alert - not only does your gut intuition lead you in particular directions but nurturing your gut is crucial to your happiness. Did you know, your gut’s basically your brain’s sassy twin?

Alright, here’s the tea, your brain and your gut? Total besties. Actually, more like twins who share all the gossip. Your gut isn’t just there to process food it’s got a whole vibe of its own, sending signals to your brain 24/7. Scientists even call it the "second brain" because your gut is loaded with nerves and bacteria that affect your mood, energy, and overall health. Wild, right? 

When your gut’s happy, think fibre, probiotics, and less junk food, your brains happy. But when your gut’s throwing a tantrum, your brain’s like, “Ugh, same.” Your gut microbiome (microbiomes are trillions of bacteria), produce neurotransmitters like serotonin (read: happiness). Did you know about 90% of serotonin is made in the gut! 

So, big message … if you want to glow from the inside out, you’ve got to start showing your gut some love. Feeling anxious? That could be your gut screaming for help after you downed three energy drinks and called it a meal. Feeling off, or out of touch with yourself? Then maybe it’s time to take a journey inward. Cue the dramatic music … 

Now cut the music, because I want to dive into our gut feelings, our intuition, and while gut feelings can be automatic and seemingly come from nowhere, sometimes by going slower we can get deeper just by embracing silence. Listen, I know silence is NOT a default setting for some of us (read: me) but getting quiet is where the magic happens. Find a moment—just one, okay? Close your eyes. Take a deep belly breath (like a sleeping baby) and exhale. Feel that? Now do a couple more. Nice! Embrace it! 

Is your inner world starting to knock? At first, it might feel like chaos in there, like a group chat in overdrive. Random thoughts about that awkward thing you said, emotions bubbling up. But let it all happen, as this is where the journey begins. Don’t freak out. It’s normal. Intuition isn’t always loud. It’s not always gonna scream, “Hey, this is the answer!” It’s more like a subtle whisper or a gentle nudge. Paying attention to what comes up during still moments might just be your superpower. Gut feelings aren't just metaphoric, it's your body's feedback loop to the stimuli of your life. Try it! Creating pause points in your day, can be revolutionary personally and professionally.

And if you’re not getting any obvious answers at first, chill. Your inner wisdom isn’t ghosting you, it’s just warming up. Be patient with yourself, even if it feels like nothing’s happening, your body's feedback loop is always there, waiting for you to notice. 

When your gut tells you something, don’t brush it off like a spam email. The more you acknowledge your inner wisdom, the stronger it becomes. Remember though, your inner wisdom just like an algorithm is the sum of all your experiences and beliefs (think of your beliefs as a bookcase, everything that has been said to you, done to you, in a book, acknowledged by a place on your bookcase and we have many books in our libraries - and the more similar books you acquire, the more convinced you become about your beliefs). 

It's helpful in moments of quiet to listen and to question ourselves, our repeated thoughts and our bias.

Using Your Voice

One of the (many) things I was attracted to in my husband when I first met him was his voice. The way he speaks, was, and still is, immensely attractive to me. What is it about a voice that makes us tune-in, our hearts flutter and our ears perk up? 

Turns out, there's some seriously fascinating science behind the sounds we make. In mate selection, studies show that people find certain vocal characteristics more attractive. Think…accent, intonation, rhythm, pace, volume, even breathiness can all play a role in how attractive a voice is, along with the verbiage used. 

Voices are like a vocal fingerprint, unique to each individual. And guess what? Our voices are actually linked to our biology! Studies have shown that certain voices can trigger the release of hormones like cortisol (yikes, stress) or the lovely oxytocin (hmmmm…love hormone).

So, that little flutter or gut wrenching feeling when you hear a particular voice are real. Biologically, our brains are responsive to the ‘notes’ within voices (reading distress, fear, excitement, empathy). Our pupils respond, our heart rates react, our nervous systems, even down to our breathing patterns synchronise. 

Ahh luckily those sweet seductive soothing sounds. Just hearing my partner’s voice brings me calm!

Socially, for bonding researchers believe that we're drawn to voices that convey positive emotions. A genuine laugh, a warm tone, a hint of excitement, these vocal cues can signal that someone is friendly, approachable, and sometimes maybe even a little bit flirty this is just how social bonding happens. 

Indeed, if you're trying to make a good impression, your voice definitely matters! As a leadership facilitator I can vouch for this! Ever caught yourself saying "it's not what they said it's the way they said it"? Yup, we use vocal cues to make judgements around trustworthiness. Speaking clearly, modulating your tone, and injecting some genuine (genuine!) warmth into your voice can go a long way. 

Since, voices can capture our attention and influence what we remember. The next time you hear a voice that makes you do a double-take, take a moment to appreciate the complex science behind it. It's a fascinating reminder that attraction is more than just skin deep. Sometimes, it's all about the sound of a voice, the subtle nuances, and the unspoken messages it conveys.

So, what does this all mean? 

Well, for me now I understand the science behind why whenever there is something to be fixed, sorted or an ask around an upgrade needed, I always send my husband, or rather, I send him and his voice to work their magic!

Truth or Dare?

If there is one question that will make your palms sweat and your brain scramble for the emergency exit it is - "Honestly, what do you think?" 

It's the relationship equivalent of a pop quiz you didn't study for, except the stakes are usually way higher than a bad grade. We've all been there. So, is honesty really the best policy? Well, let's just say it's complicated. Honesty is great for building trust and intimacy. It's like the superglue of relationships. But it can also be like a rogue firework at a birthday party, potentially causing chaos and tears. 

There are perks to pinocchio-ing, sometimes it's just the path of least resistance (read: easy life). Infact sometimes even when you're semi-pinocchio-ing and it lands badly you give an inner sigh and thank the lord you didn't go full metal jacket. We often hold back on being honest for fear. Fear of hurting the other person, fear of conflict, fear of rejection, fear of losing trust and just plain old fear of trying.

When you're genuinely honest you're essentially handing someone the keys to your soul (metaphorically, of course – your actual soul is safely tucked away). You're saying, "I trust you with this messy, weird, part of me." That kind of vulnerability can forge a connection stronger than a running a three-legged race or can be a demolition derby!

How honest are you with your partner? It really depends...

I said about 8/10 (ish) and my partner said 7.5 (ish). So, we acknowledge we don't share everything - that's a great starting point, right! That's kinda honest?! Being honest can be hard and truly there are some things that just don't need to be put out there.

First, there is radical honesty - those unfiltered truths that emerge whether it's uncomfortable or might actually hurt the other person. Talking your mind, can seemingly come from no-where and catch everyone off guard. We all have our sharp edges and touching on these might unleash your inner unfiltered truth-telling monster. These truths can be relationship deal breakers so to speak.

Then there is obligatory honesty - those agreed upon rules, things you are absolutely truthful about, like financial transparency or relationship history. Once agreed upon, these things become kinda high stakes (read: red flag and emotionally charged).

And finally, discretionary honesty - when we flex the truth and flex what we share, we are situationally fluent. This version of honesty is less clear cut, it is vague and easy to get lost. Here, I may offer a little wisdom (read: learn from our mistakes). What do you think?

• Kindness and even trying to be kind is important. Honesty doesn't have to be a blunt instrument. Knowing when to hold your tongue, letting something go, really is an art. Sweat the big stuff only and forget the small stuff. If your partner loves Birkenstocks, and it's not a deal-breaker, let it slide. Say something like, "You know what?  "If your feet are happy, and you're happy, I'm happy." (Okay, maybe that's a little white lie, but we've all been there.) Honesty is important, but so is tact. So, before you unleash your unfiltered opinions on your partner's questionable thoughts or choices, remember relationships should foster respect.

• Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. The magic ingredient in the honesty stew is open communication. Talk often, share your feelings, learn to understand each other better, and remember you will get better with practice. Just slow your roll and take a beat, think about how your words might land. Really be authentic and express your true self and be vulnerable. Because not communicating honestly, trying to please the other person too much and putting their feelings constantly ahead of your own might ultimately become emotionally exhausting and a road to ruin.

• Don't let things fester (like forgotten take-out in the back of the fridge, it's not good). Whether you talk it out, text it out - just don't leave it. We usually go somewhere public on a date and talk things through (out of the house) and if talking it out is too much, we write things down and send them to each other to read and not respond (just to share thoughts). Being honest and nipping things in the bud can save you from a mountain of bad vybz and resentment later. Because let's face it, building a relationship on lies is like building a house on sand, eventually, it's gonna crumble.

Of course, all of this is may be for nothing if your relationship is already on the rocks - sorry people (just being radically honest). But if your relationship is in decent shape, then these tips might just help you navigate the tricky waters of honesty without sinking the ship.

A Love Day to Remember!?

The arrival of the month of February means one thing …the onset of Valentine’s Day! One of those days in a year when florists make bank, chocolate consumption goes into overdrive, wearing red, shades of red or anything heart themed is encouraged and confused partners everywhere attempt to wine and dine one another.

With 30+ love day experiences with my partner, I have learned much from the times we (read: I) hilariously have gotten it wrong. Let me kick things off with how not to Valentine! Ever tried to be too ambitious in your romantic gestures?

Picture this, it is Valentine’s Day and I decided to surprise my amazing partner with a 'romantic' dinner, cooked by Moi! Now, I’m not exactly what you’d call a natural in the kitchen - unless you consider boiling an egg a culinary skill. But determined to impress I googled something along the lines of ‘fancy romantic recipes’ and landed on something that sounded like it should be served at Buckingham Palace. 

Fast forward to Valentine’s night - the kitchen looks like a scene from a horror movie. Flour everywhere, raw meat lying forlornly on the counter, and mushrooms in the toaster (just don’t ask okay). The pièce de résistance? Trying to salvage the evening by pouring wine like its water, because nothing says romance like drowning your chef sorrows and choking down a nice fat crème puff pastry while trying to clean up the crime-scene. Moral of the story? Sometimes love means knowing when to buy takeout instead of trying to play Iron Chef. 

So, how to get it right without spending the evening wafting a rag under the constantly erupting smoke alarm, traumatising your family or going so far wrong it’s an unforgettable event for all the wrong reasons! 

Nothing says, "I love you" like a happy (un-stressful) time together. Here's some of my favourite ways to get Valentine's started!

• Exchanging massages, read: intimacy (just stick to tried and tested oils or lotions!)
• Do sunrise or sunset together (and pick a location where you won't be chased by angry dogs)
• Stargazing. Lay on the beach/grass/car and watch the stars (take a pillow and blanket and get comfy)
• Games night (with fun consequences)
• Karaoke night at home to our favourite tracks from when we met!
• Doing a dance challenge together 
• Exchanging love letters along the theme of 'reasons I’m still crazy about you' ...
• Nostalgia movie night with our favourite snacks and treats 
• Taking some time outdoors together and talking about our amazing future plans
• Having an all-day pajama stay home day!
• Meeting up somewhere for a hot date (with each other!)
• Texting throughout the day ‘Things I love about you’ 

Valentines is just an opportunity to show you pay attention and they say actions speak louder than words. So as someone who thrives on spontaneity and chaos (in the best way), I love when my partner surprises me in any kind of way! 

• So, being blindfolded (consensually, of course) and taken somewhere unexpected is my kind of fun!

Sometimes showing your love doesn’t mean doing more, it means doing less but of the things you truly enjoy together.

Whatever you do, make it your own, make it special and embrace your love this Valentine’s Day in a way that is meaningful for you and yours! 💖