Lunch with an astronaut

There I am, standing with Charles "Charlie" Walker, he's traversed the vastness of space 3 times, logging 20 days hurtling through a vacuum at 17,500mph. He flew his space missions in just 17months travelling over 8.2 million miles! 

I love it when memories pop up in your photo app! For sure I was younger back then with curious hair, but his story of pioneering, possibility and mental adaptability to change stayed with me and has become ever more relevant. So, what did I learn by listening during lunch with an astronaut?

Charlie was a rejected NASA applicant who became the world’s first commercial astronaut, talk about a masterclass in resilient self-leadership. He didn't just knock on NASA’s door, but when it resolutely shut, he found a side window. He made himself so indispensable to NASA they actually ‘needed him’ in orbit. It's more than a lesson on persistence, it’s a powerful lesson for all of us navigating the often-isolated capsule of managing change. How often in hindsight have we learned the most direct route isn't the only one, and often time, not even the best!

In terms of adapting to change, his description of the brain's frantic dance with space disorientation was memorising. When the shuttle's engines cut out, he recounted feeling as if the entire world had shifted. His internal compass spun wildly, demanding a complete rewiring of "up" and "down." He spoke of "Space Motion Sickness" not as a personal failing, but as the brain’s incredible, albeit uncomfortable, process of calibrating to a changed new reality. 

During disruptive change, like the type we experience more frequently than ever today we know already our brains are inherently wired for stability and resist new landscapes. Walkers discomfort a testament to our human neuroplasticity and capacity to adapt and grow even when our world feels utterly inverted. I mean, who hasn't felt like they're in an isolated capsule, experiencing that 45-degree shift. The key though? To re-calibrate our minds!

To hear him speak and share how in space he missed the "smell of the soil" and the "sound of the wind" while orbiting our pale blue dot….earth and seeing a world without borders was emotive on steroids. Our planet more fragile and fragmented than ever.

While we humans intimately understand the concept of a closed system, as we live and breathe in an age, where every resource, every decision, impacts the whole unified globe. Walker’s words were a philosophy, a reminder that our dreams, even the most seemingly impossible, can be realised through adaptability, resilience, and a willingness to navigate the uncomfortable transformative journeys within each of our own isolated capsules of change with minds and hearts open.

Furry Influencer

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but apparently, an old dog can teach a seasoned facilitator a thing or two. Last week, Mr. Scoobs, my sixteen-year-old companion who has reached an age where most of his peers are either fossilized or featured in scientific journals had a stroke. It was a scene of high drama, one moment he was navigating the kitchen with the dignity of a retired admiral, the next, he was caught in a neurological whirlwind. I truly thought it was the end…but no! Watching Scoobs recover from a stroke is proving to be unimaginably inspiring!

They say resilience isn't about returning to exactly who you were before a crisis, it’s about the brain’s (or an organisation’s) ability to reorganise and find a new way to function despite any damage. 

When the stroke hit Mr. Scoobs specific neural pathways were damaged. Yet somehow his doggy brain, even one of sixteen years, evidently immediately began looking for workarounds.

The power of Scoobs work arounds and micro-wins played out in those first few hours then days right before my eyes. I was astonished as Scoobs one small step at a time, stood, lifted his head, took small shaky very slanty steps. To a casual observer, it was a mess. To Scoobs each movement was a triumphant!

In life we often push for a grand transformation but real change, the kind that sticks, is built on dopamine-driven micro-wins. Each small success reinforces the safety of the effort, lowering the brains threat response and allowing us to engage in progressing. 

As I type, one week later, Mr. Scoobs is currently blissfully snoring. He is 16, if you saw him you wouldn’t believe it, let alone that last week he had a stroke. He is a miracle. 

For every precious day we get from here on out, he is a reminder that whether you are leading a project, your studies, a government department or just looking for a snuggle, the goal is the same, keep your nose forward, find the new path, and never, ever stop your tail from wagging.

Our furry, feathered, or scaly companions might not be accountable for quarterly outputs, deadlines and meeting objectives but they sure do teach us so much!

Vanishing Act?

Have you lost your post holiday 'new me'?

It is one of the great mysteries of the human condition right up there with the Loch Ness Monster, that one can meticulously craft a 'New Me' workplace blueprint, only to have it instantaneously incinerated.

You arrive each day at the car park, smelling of resolve. You have intentions. You are going to be a zen or productivity master, set boundaries, prioritise strategically, take a proper breaks and then it suddenly feels like you never left. Read: The snap back!

Blame your brain (specifically the basal ganglia), the part responsible for habits and procedural memory. While your vacay brain was busy dreaming of a streamlined you, your basal ganglia was simply lying in wait, clutching the pre-vacay blueprints of all your stress patterns.

From the moment you sit in the same chair, open the same laptop, hear the same voices and pings, your brain is deafened by pre-vacay contextual cues, and within seconds your neural pathways are dialling 911.

It kinda feels like calmly explaining a new system to a colleague while part of the building behind you is being accidentally demolished by a runaway bulldozer. You try to hold onto your good intentions, but the sheer velocity of it all can be overwhelming.

The way forward? Interrupt the pattern. 

When my brain is snapping back I change the environment. Within my extraordinary limited space I’ll move and change whatever I can, I even go and sit in a different space at times. Why? Basically, I try to break the visual, audio cues that set off my basal ganglia. The open office for me is a bit like listening to 50 live podcasts on any given day (read: It’s a lot for my adhd self).

Perhaps also there's opportunity to rethink how you handle communications? Before you get jumping into a chaotic sprint to get your messages to zero, why not take a breath and rethink ... because honestly constantly reacting to every beep, chime and ding as they come in isn't helpful. Research shows it can take a whopping 23m to refocus after a distraction. Perhaps try chunking communication. Set a status message then dedicate specific times to tackle the numerous comms apps if you can. This way, you can dive into tasks with full focus, without the sting of pings.

Do you have a cognitive offramp so to speak? So when that quick question arises IRL that you know will be anything but short. My off-ramp means, I acknowledge them with my signature warmth and provide a boundary, "sounds great! I’m currently knee deep in e.g. xyz my calendar is up to date though, pick a time or shall I pop by you in while?”

What else … take your breaks seriously. Some workplace culture sometimes treat overworking like a competitive sport. Eating at a desk? Snacking constantly? Working late. Check yourself! Are you being conditioned to think this is all a sign of dedication. Research, yup, it tells us it's the opposite my friends, non-stop work causes stress to build up in your brain, having a real neurological impact. The solution? Regular breaks stops stress from accumulating, keeps your brain sharper and your energy levels higher. So, set a timer, get up, stretch, hydrate, go to the bathroom and just stop. It's not a luxury, it's a physical necessity.

I'm willing to gamble that on holiday, you likely had a lot more idle time. Some people still believe a wandering mind is inactive, again, neuroscience proves when our minds wander, different parts of our brain light up and connect, enhancing problem-solving and creativity. So schedule some down-time, it is literally one of the most productive things to do. Anything less is like being paid to be simply unimaginative and kills energy and motivation for sure!

Lastly, forgive yourself, the psychological weight of telling yourself you're failing your ‘new me’ promise to yourself is a massive drain on your brain. If you left work today, got home, lost your cool with yourself or those you love because you felt swallowed by the day, don't spiral. It wasn't a moral failure, snap-back is simply a neural reflex. Notice the patterns and break them.

Career Jungle Gym

The onset of the new year, has everyone asking about goals, new challenges and top of mind perhaps is the thought of seeking a new challenge in the world of work through a new role, or even a new organisation. To this end, I'm serving up some alternate lenses!

Firstly, what’s the worst that can happen if you forget that notion entirely? What other opportunities or options might you be overlooking? 

Is it a job you idealise, a career, a particular organisation? Perhaps, instead hone your focus on building a life that is genuinely exciting to live every single day of which your career, job, organisation is a part (rather than the other way round). I'm talking about an attempt to intentionally design your day, week, nay...life. Think big picture!

I say this because too often your ideal job, career or organisational destination can be something of a mirage. Jobs come and go, job titles and families change (more frequently than ever) for example, I guarantee that right now, there are potential jobs in your future that haven't even been dreamed into existence yet! So, when you think about a successful career, don't think vertical climbs - think ‘big picture and life’!

Try this, start by picturing Tuesday at 9am. Where are you? In a bustling city, a quiet home office, or out in the fresh air? Who are you talking with? Clients, colleagues, numerous stakeholders or just your cleverest self? What is your rhythm? Structured deadlines, or autonomy, the freedom to follow your curiosity? What life does this allow you to lead?

The young man who dreams of being a senior executive is maybe picturing the glory of the title, car, compensation and respect, but hasn't considered the reality of the 24/7 on-call life and the vast majority of their free time being swallowed by a relentlessly repeating schedule. Then there are the weekend catch-ups…

When I say visualise, I don't mean in the lofty sense, but rather, become conscious of what an ideal daily life needs to offer you right now (knowing the needs will change!) because this is the ultimate career compass of the truly smart! 

Another thought I want to offer up is the power of networking and your social life! Don't be the person with the perfect GPA and no friends. A whole world is happening without you! You might find a potential mentor, collaborator, friend or partner for life. In my 20s a chance meeting on a train coming home from London after a night out, I met Helen. Helen was a recruitment professional and head-hunter, we hit it off immediately and over several years she single-handedly moved my L&D career, from that of regional trainer to development manager with the largest retailer in Europe, to business development manager with the biggest optical provider, to UK L&D Manager of the biggest hotel chains in the UK! 

Your network is your net worth (seriously, stop studying for qualifications so much, yup, there I said it. IKR!) From all my years in the learning space I can candidly say that qualifications are not the key to the kingdom. In truth, they are a ticket to the starting line and nothing more. Once you’re in the race, (and the human race is afterall ginormous) it's relationships, the ability to make an impact and add value that are the true turbo boosters. The biggest mistakes I see is persons simply trying too hard and/or leaning on a network just for favours. A network isn’t a collection of contacts to use, it's an ecosystem of mutual support and inspiration. The people you meet and genuinely connect with will open doors, bring opportunities, and provide meaningful insights and guidance. So, consider, could prioritising connection over resume perfection add value to your career too?

This last one is personal. Let your quirks be your superpower! For too long, I tried to fit myself into the idea of a corporate cookie-cutter. Black suits, shift dresses and court shoes. I worried about my love for obscure trivia, passion for soca-dancehall, my need to be social after 10pm, I thought these quirks made me "unprofessional." The opposite is true. Our unique traits are not flaws, they are your brand (and your filter). When you hide them, you attract people who only like the generic, watered-down version of you, it's exhausting and potentially unsustainable. I'm talking about just being authentically professional.

Remember organisations don't just hire your skills, they hire 'you' too. Your distinct perspective ethics, energy etc. this might be what sets you apart in a crowded market. This is why I always recommend interviewing for new roles/challenges when you've never been happier in your current role (it’s my personal secret super-power thanks to Helen) because you always show up as your true best self and actually you are the one doing the interviewing! 

Sleep Abyss

Who hasn’t found themselves awake in the dead of night, staring into the dark, our personal troubles feeling exponentially sharper and utterly catastrophic.

You know how it goes, in the silence of the night, our thoughts, already a little burdened, begin a relentless, psychological siege. But wait…there is a culprit! 

The core culprit is the ‘circadian nadir’. IKR…The say-what-now? This is the point when your core body's temperature hits its lowest level, and, crucially, your psychological vulnerability peaks. 

During late-night hours, our key cognitive tools are deactivated. In short, our executive function goes on strike! The network (or more accurately task positive network) houses our executive function, used for rational problem-solving and self-regulation, is naturally impaired (not to mention also severely eroded by sleep loss, note…caffeine, alcohol etc. not helping either). 

Meaning the circuits we need for cognitive clarity and emotional resilience are temporarily compromised and our poor brain's ability to regulate impulses falters, leaving us vulnerable to emotional overwhelm. 

In short, difficult personal experiences stop being problems to be solved and become insurmountable, painful realities. This gives the amygdala the keys to our brain treasures and as sleep deprivation mounts, the emotional centres of the brain undergo a destabilising shift. 

Then we become hyper-reactive and primed for fear and anxiety. (curtains become monsters, noises become burglars, sticks become snakes and such). The result is a brain primed for catastrophising thoughts, unable to manage the fear of bad things that might come true, we magnify any negative feelings already present.

Usually, emotional turmoil surges between midnight and 4am and as a long night wears on, mounting sleep pressure can cause the brain to slip in and out of the lightest stages of sleep. Typically we are unaware of these brief transitions, but the effects on our perception can be profound. When our sleep is highly fragmented like this, we sometimes get those incredibly vivid sensory experiences as dream fragments bleed into consciousness, blurring the boundary between thoughts and reality (aka: hypnagogic hallucinations). I guarantee like me, you've had these wired, wierd and sometimes worrisome experiences right!

Fortunately, (deep exhale) this psychological abyss is only temporary. As the first hints of the morning light appear, the brain begins a process of neurobiological recovery. The circadian rhythm nudges the brain toward arousal and the network starts to reassert itself, rebooting and restoring access to the cognitive tools necessary for perspective and problem-solving.

Those emotions that felt overwhelmingly catastrophic in the dark become more manageable with the break of day. 

So next time you wake up in the middle of the night and your problems feel like an apocalypse, try to remember it is not you, it's your brain's faulty night shift, and a highly predictable, neurobiological phenomenon! Sleep tight!

My 2026 OSCAR Wellness Plan

My plan for 2026 can be distilled into two words that would likely baffle my younger, more frantic self, ‘Patience and Presence’. 

Instead of charging at the year like a rhinoceros, I’ve decided to OSCAR (self-coach) my way into 2026. It’s far more civilized and involves significantly less sweat-induced vertigo.

My desired Outcome (O): 

- Vibrant at 52! Simple!

At the ripe and ready age of fifty-two, I’ve decided I don’t want to feel younger, I want to feel more vibrant than I did yesterday. I am seeking that elusive trio, sustained energy, movement that doesn't feel like a court-ordered punishment, and sleep so restorative it borders on the miraculous. I want to be strong enough to embrace life’s opportunities without needing a lie-down immediately afterward.

The Situation (S): 

- Starting from Strength!

The current state of affairs is, dare I say, promising. I possess a certain rugged discipline and a spirit that refuses to stay in its seat. I am starting from a position of power, not a deficit. The goal now is to stop trying to compete with the version of myself from a decade ago, who, frankly, was a bit of an overachiever, and instead honour the magnificent human I am today. (Because…facts: My joints now have their own opinions, and it’s time to listen to them.)

The Choices & Consequences (C):

- The 80% Rule!

I am choosing consistency over the frantic, red-faced intensity of my youth. This year, my integrity is tied to grace.

The Plan? I shall be kind to my joints, feed my joy, and protect my mind like Daenerys Targaryen guarding dragons. 

The Vow? No more quick-fixes, no more no pain-no gain lunacy, and no more punishing regimens (aka: interventions or work schedules) that leave me feeling like a clockwork soldier.

The Consequence? By choosing patience, the cost of a missed day is a mere trifle. However, the cost of burnout is far too high for my budget. Even with my ADHD trying to convince me to do everything at once, I will stick to the ritual. Kindness is the only fuel that won’t lead to an engine fire.

The Actions (A): 

- A daily rhythm that isn’t a military drill.

Every day will begin with gratitude and gentle mobility work (essentially, reminding my limbs they are indeed attached to my body).

Mindful movement 4–5 days of whatever feels right. A walk, a gym session, or stretching that looks suspiciously like a nap!

A great hydration quest is truly my only non-negotiable. I must drink more water! Oh and protein. I shall treat food as fuel and savour every bite like a zen master. Treats are not failures, they are essential components of a balanced life. A biscuit eaten in peace is better for the soul than a kale salad eaten in resentment. It’s taken me 52 years to realise this!

The Review (R): 

- A Monthly Check-In.

Once a month, I shall convene a private meeting with myself. No judging, no pointing fingers, just a quiet observation: “Am I honoring my energy? Am I present? Am I being patient?” I may adjust the map if I find I’ve wandered into a metaphorical swamp, but the destination (outcome) remains the same.

My 2026 wellness journey is not a race to a finish line, it is going to be a beautiful dance. I am trusting myself!

Star Studded

For thousands of years, us humans have been drawn to the night sky. Not just for its beauty, though it is quite something, isn't it? But for the stories and the deep sense of connection it brings to our lives. 

And at this time of year, that connection feels just a little more like home.

Think back to those renowned three weary travellers (aka: the Wise Men). Long before Google Maps or GPS, they looked up and saw a specific, brilliant light. They didn't just see a star, they saw a promise and trusted that the stars would lead them exactly where they needed to be.

But the night sky is more than just a map, it’s a global, cultural storybook. Just as wise men brought their gifts, every corner of the world has woven its own legends into the stars! The Greeks saw heroes, the Chinese saw lovers separated by the Milky Way and the San people of South Africa saw their ancestors. These myths connect us importantly to our past and to each other, sparking a wonder that has ignited rituals and celebrations for generations.

There is something truly warm and fuzzy about stepping outside on a clear Christmas night, tilting your head back, and letting your eyes wander across that velvet tapestry. Stars remind us that even in the darkest night, there is a spark waiting to be found.

Perhaps the most uplifting truth and the real gift of stars, is their power to unite us. No matter our differences or where we are spending our holidays, we all share the same sense of wonder. We are all, in our own way, following a star. The night sky reminds us that we are part of something bigger than ourselves and deeply connected to every human who has ever gazed upward in hope.

So, step outside, take a slow, deep breath, let your eyes adjust and your thoughts drift among the constellations. Somewhere out there, the same stars that guided the travellers of old are shining just for you!

Advent-ing

Ah, that glorious cardboard box of daily delights and the delayed gratification of counting down to the most wonderful time of the year! So good, are the advent calendar offerings that my husband and I have two each!! But how we each handle that little flap of paper … whoaaaa so so so very very different! 

Could it be, that the way each of us treats our Advent calendar door speaks volumes about our very soul? Let's see, just for seasonal fun!

Are you a door closer? My husband, is a door closer! Yup, a true zen master! Think, Marie Kondo of festive cardboard. As soon as that chocolate has been extracted, he carefully, nay, meticulously, closes back the little door. Here’s what I think it says?

Door closers. I think you’re optimists who believe in a world where things stay neat and orderly. Are you a bit of a time traveller too. Why? Well perhaps, closing the door is about resetting the past. Yup, preserving the illusion that the calendar is still pristine. Or perhaps you see the calendar as a whole work of art, not just a series of individual daily triumphs. Or maybe you simply want that festive scene to remain unmarred by gaping holes!

Door Opener? Likely a pragmatic progress tracker? Since you need to ‘see’ your progress! Is it a silent testament to another day conquered. Maybe you're likely a visual learner who needs to see your countdown with the growing collection of open doors providing your personal festive odometer, clearly stating, "Look! Only X days left!" You're likely efficient, I mean why bother closing it? It's just going to be opened again right! You’re embracing the chaos of flapping doors, it's a visual diary of your progress. Go you!

And then there is me. I’m a door ripper off-er. Yes! Like a mono-focused T-Rex or force of nature! We don't just open the door, we conquer it. With a satisfying RIIIIIP, that little cardboard flap is liberated from its hinges, never to bother us again. It's decisive. It's final. It's a statement. When something is done, it is done! No lingering flaps, no ambiguous open-or-closed states. Do you require a clean break, a definitive end to each daily ritual. For me, there's maybe even a primal satisfaction in that rip, as a small, daily act of rebellion, a delightful moment of controlled destruction. Or another version of truth may be that we are just a little bit impulsive (in the best way of course). Or perhaps you’re a minimalist (sort of), I mean, why have an unnecessary flap of cardboard hanging around? Rip it off, clear the space, move on. There's no ambiguity here!

No matter your method, embrace your inner Advent Calendar Door persona. It's just another delightful quirk that makes you, you, and this season extra special. 

I Met a Billionaire

Usually, when you read stories about meeting billionaires, the setting is predictable. My experience was...let's say...different, I didn’t meet this billionaire while shaking hands over an organised mixer. I met him while wiping sweat off my forehead in a local soca-dancehall bar.

The bass was rattling and the air was thick with humidity. And right there, in the middle of a most unlikely bar as I was singing along to Machel Montano at the top of my lungs, was a man whose net worth is higher than the GDP of some small countries. Here is what I learned shouting over 160 beats per minute. 

Music is the great equalizer!

This billionaire was down in the crowd. He was holding a sweating bottle of beer, island shirt, shorts, flip-flops just like everyone else. The lesson? 

True confidence doesn't need a velvet rope. 

After almost 18 years the reclusive enigma that surrounds this particular billionaire in the Cayman Islands has been broken! Apparently, he wanted to meet my husband and I, so of course we leaned in and after we'd all introduced ourselves I had to ask him, what bought him to this particular bar…. 

As a billionaire there must be a lot of isolation, right. It often seems this is the cost of success, no? However, perhaps the smartest people know when to reject that isolation, sometimes you just need to be part of the tribe.

While others in the bar where oblivious of the billionaire in their local bar I watched him enter and move for a bit (before being introduced) and I noticed this, that he wasn’t checking emails, scrolling a phone or looking bored. He was fully present, fully immersed. I really have to say, that I like this attitude!

I mean he can buy the building, buy the DJ, buy out the bar even. But you cannot buy the vybz, you have to find them and no matter your bank account. Money can buy comfort and luxury, but it cannot manufacture joy. The raw, unfiltered happiness of a great crowd, a soca-dancehall party, the unity, the 'oneness' of the crowd is something that has to be experienced, not purchased.

The bottom line? We spend so much time chasing the idea of a "billionaire lifestyle"…the cars, the clothes, first class, the exclusivity. But when I finally met one, he was chasing the exact same thing I was, a good rhythm, a cold drink, and a place full of happy people.

I won’t name the billionaire but if you live in the Cayman Islands and you're reading this, you probably guessed who the billionaire and international man of mystery is! 

Thankful for our happy ever after

"What's our secret?" Our friends see the happily ever after and assume it's some kind of magic.

Let's start with the part everyone asks about…the physical connection! Of course the honeymoon phase of any marriage inevitably ends, and the years (if you are blessed) fill with kids, travelling, careers, mortgages, and more 'adult' responsibilities than you can count. It would be way too easy to let intimacy become a luxury, But physical touch, even just casually holding hands through to that (ahem) passionate embrace, is the very foundation and language of love. It’s definitely a vital part of our communication, connection, and joy. 

The big secret? Never let physical connection fade into the background.

However the real language of love is, ultimately for me it’s the collection of micro-moments of positive connection between us that sustains our happiness. The fleeting, small, joyful states are like tiny, emotional bursts of harmony, they are brief, but their cumulative effect builds (read: positivity resonance theory). IRL to outsiders looking in, it looks like we mutually feel a genuine sense of warmth, safety, and investment in the other person at the same time, yup, our biological and behavioural systems (like heart rate, gestures, and tone of voice) momentarily synchronize and we move and feel as one! These micro-moments of love don't require intimacy or longevity. 

The big secret? It’s the sheer frequency of small brief moments of synergy, not there intensity, that truly matters!

A happy marriage isn’t a conflict-free marriage, you knew that already. That’s a myth. Although in truth, we truly seldom argue, that doesn't mean we've not had heated discussions over everything from finances to folding laundry. What we’ve learned though is to reframe conflict so we aren't enemies, but a team trying to find a solution, it can change everything. It's not "me against you" it's "us against the problem." We focus on communicating and understanding each other's perspective, not winning.

The secret? We've learned to listen more than we speak, and to always, always assume the best of one anothers intentions.

It's a beautiful thing to build a shared life, and grand gestures are great, but tbh in my humble view, a long and happy marriage is built on a mountain of small, intentional acts. It’s him carrying the luggage, the spontaneous ostrich text to say "I love you" in the middle of a busy workday. It's remembering my fav snack from the store. It's the hand-squeezes in the car, the inside jokes, and the quiet moments of sitting on the couch without saying a word, simply enjoying each other's presence. 

I have profound gratitude and respect for the person standing beside me and maybe that stands atop of everything. Every morning I wake up I am so thankful because everyday I get to keep the love alive in the smallest yet most meaningful ways and after 28 years, it's still the best choice I make on a daily basis. Because maybe the truth is, I guess it is kinda magic, but it's the kind you make yourself, one day at a time. 

My Mild Traumatic Brain Injury

This year has taught me more about myself than any professional development seminar ever. Remember at the end of 2024 when I fainted in the shower? Well the concussion left my brain as shook up as a snow globe. 

Despite initially laughing at my inability to tell left from right, it became abundantly clear to my nearest and dearest that the brain I have always relied on for cognition, hyper-focus, all night socialising and rapid processing, well, was not quite on its A-game (read: back to front, upside down and inside out … on a good day! Long story made short, I was diagnosed with a mild traumatic brain injury. Even for the externally optimistic (such as myself) this took my breath away!

Yup, the mTBI accompanied by my old friend ADHD and new friend M-pause, really has served-up a growth spurt in 2025 like no other! 

Part of my journey has been engaging in neurofeedback, which is basically brain training. If you imagine for a moment that your brain isn't just a squishy organ but instead is the lead guitarist in a massive rock band. Sometimes, it’s totally shredding the perfect solo (focused, calm, happy, next level), then suddenly just tunes out in the middle of the solo (distracted, stressed, forgetful, over-loaded and flooded). 

The music our brains make is based on brainwaves and tiny electrical impulses that are always firing. For anyone struggling with things like an mTBI, ADHD, insomnia, pain, etc. neurofeedback can be revolutionary! The small, non-invasive sensors (like little microphones) are placed on your scalp (see above photo). They don't put anything in your brain, they just listen to the brainwaves your brain is already producing.

The sensors are plugged into a computer program. You sit back and watch something on screen, maybe a spaceship, a calming image, literally any video can be utilised. The cool thing is that your brainwaves are the controller! When your brain starts making the calm, focused brainwaves you need (like a good Alpha rhythm), the screen might get bigger, brighter, the sound might get louder, or the spaceship move forward. That's your brain’s reward!

If your brain drifts, gets distracted or anxious then the screen shrinks, the sound dips, or the spaceship stalls. That's your brain’s cue to adjust. The coolest part? You don't consciously tell your brain to be calmer. Your brain figures it out! The unconscious brain is like "Hey, every time I produce the 'calm focus' rhythm, I get a brighter screen. I like the brighter screen! I'm going to do more of that." (Reward! Yup… we really are simple creatures!)

Through repetitions, your brain learns to make those desired, required healthy (read: typical/normative) brainwave patterns automatically, essentially rewiring itself, even when you're not in a neurofeedback session.

Neurofeedback has made me calmer and happier. It is a mental workout that gives your brain a mirror and a goal!

I’ve always absolutely loved learning and so this intervention has been brilliant for me! 2025 has been a personal Everest of a year, I have learned more than I ever imagined about myself, my gifts and my strengths and above all the importance of celebrating the victories and small wins! Still a #workinprogress as 2026 approaches but have come so far in 2025.

Attuned Leadership

Attuned leadership in the ancient form, is reflected in the principles of Ubuntu, (an African humanist philosophy) that says, "I am because you are, you are because we are." 

In a world that can feel disconnected and overwhelming, attuned leadership offers a human-centred approach that focuses on building deeper, more meaningful relationships. It's a way to lead that honours our shared humanity, respects the unique needs of individuals, and focuses on building a stronger, more resilient community for everyone. It's an approach that feels right at home, especially here in the Caribbean, where community and connection are at the heart of culture. 

Standing on four core pillars that translate whether you're on a small island or in a bustling city. The foundation of attuned leadership is self-attunement (read: knowing yourself) also BTW the premise of many evidence-based leadership approaches, knowing thyself before you lead others, means being aware of your own values, biases, and emotional state. Why? Because a leader who knows their own strengths and weaknesses is far better equipped to guide their team with humility and integrity, and...knowing oneself is the foundation to follower attunement. 

Follower attunement is all about listening, understanding and connecting with the people you lead. Think coach level listening skills though, truly tuning in and listening to others needs, aspirations, and perspectives. This is also where empathy comes in and a leader who practices follower attunement builds trust, creates safety and inspires loyalty. 

Ethical conduct and leading with integrity aren’t just buzzwords they’re the next building block (think: Nelson Mandela level transformational). 

Being able to inspire and motivate people by connecting with their higher values, this practice is a form of attunement that has a profound ability to represent the collective ethic of ones followers and achieve transformation. For attuned leaders operate with a strong moral compass and demonstrate ethical conduct in every decision they make and because their actions align with demonstrated values … respect and credibility are earned.

In today's fast-paced world, the attuned leader like the rest of the human race, must be able and willing to adapt to change (read: agility). Therefore the fourth pillar requires an attuned leader to be flexible, ready to navigate complex situations and adjust their approach as needed. By staying responsive attuned leaders are able to guide their team through uncertainty. 

Neuroscience physically shows us what ancient and great leaders have always known in their guts, our nervous systems are wired for connection, and when people feel safe and understood, the possibilities are limitless. Is it time for a tune-up?

A Hot Take on Hormones

Welcome to a biological briefing for the bewildered! Manopause, Peri-Menopause and Menopause! These “pauses” are profound, powerful shifts that can be at times be inconvenient, maddening and confusing, kind of like a sort of reverse puberty!?! IKR!

Yet, these tend to be something whispered about in hushed tones, yet both are natural, inevitable parts of life, affecting men and women respectively mid-careers, mid-life and also…mid-sentence... 

I'm starting with the chaps? Why? They don’t get off scot-free you know, although 'manopause' is generally a slower, quieter, slightly grumpy affair. Manopause, is the gradual decline of testosterone and testosterone is the hormone that fuels the desire to, say, run up a flight of stairs or the confidence to wear that bold rather tight-fitting gym wear. Incase you didn't know testosterone levels drop in men by about 1% a year after age 30. 

Showing up as fatigue and lack of energy…yup, falling asleep early evening on the sofa during your favourite programme. It’s that kinda feeling when even retrieving your favourite snack requires a small, strategic committee meeting. It makes itself felt in a kinda nonchalant 'whatever-ish' attitude. This hormonal ebb can lead to what is clinically known as irritability and apathy. The world is suddenly full of things that are simply not worth the bother. People, be kind, this isn't just a bad mood, it's a genuine chemical dip. Suddenly, the male mid-section is expanding because less testosterone often means the body stores more fat around the midriff. The phrase 'built for comfort' becomes less of a joke and more of a need. 

Come the weekends, some our gentlemen friends may be truly wiped-out, so permission to rest is well-received, note, a quick power nap can do wonders for energy levels and everyone’s sanity. My awesome Dr keeps reminding myself and my husband to nourish our bodies, prioritise sleep, to add more protein to the diet, exercise daily, and hydrate! It may sound cliché, but it's the foundation of good health!

Oh, my! Ladies, if I told you I was having a bit of a time lately, it would be the understatement of the century. My life has been cheerfully gate-crashed by one absolute nightmare…Perimenopause and waiting outside the school gate for me in a menacing fashion is its slightly more aggressive older sister, Menopause. They’ve essentially turned up uninvited, rifled through my hormonal closet causing chemical chaos in oestrogen and progesterone levels, (read: the hormones that keep everything running smoothly). When they start to wind down, our body’s decide to throw a little leaving party, and things get...well...a bit wild (to say the least) and unpredictable. 

Because oestrogen plays a role in cognitive function this means, glitches (yup, memory lapses and brain fog). So if you're at that phase when you’re struggling to find the word for 'trousers', yup, all perfectly normal, albeit, somewhat of a daily challenge…Frustrating as heck, it's the brain's way of telling me to slow down, to stop, and maybe, just maybe, try harder to embrace the quiet moments. 

What else? An occasional mini thermal event. My brain’s temperature regulator (the hypothalamus) is getting confused by the dip in my oestrogen, it thinks my body is overheating, so it frantically opens all the doors (blood vessels). Yup, my internal thermostat is on the fritz. Those internal volcanic eruptions? Yup, another signal to take a break, get some air, and remind everyone around me that I am indeed a human force of nature. Sudden heat attacks causes my skin temperature to rise by several degrees in minutes. If on any given day I look like I’ve been sleeping on a volcano or come from a fully clothed snorkel at Smith's Cove, this is because my body is working overtime. Not just in the day but at night as well, leading to insomnia with the added fun of night sweats and well, doesn't sleep deprivation make everyone a little bit... edgy! Remember that filter you used to have? The one that stopped you from saying exactly what was on your mind? Consider it retired!

Alas, though to state the obvious that everyone’s experience is different because well we are all chemically unique. The 'pauses' are a significant time of change, my final thoughts (IF I can manage to hold onto one long enough)…

This whole 'change' business can be a right royal pain in the backside, but honestly, laughing about it is the only way to avoid ending up in a padded cell. If you're currently sailing this delightfully choppy sea with me, remember two things. 

-You are not alone. 

-We are all in this sweaty, fuzzy-headed, exhausting, slightly bonkers boat together.

Afterall we’re all just a magnificent human-mess of chemical tubes and signals, trying our best to embrace our evolution.

Hurricane's & Heartbreak

🌀 "She's alive!" He said and burst into floods of tears and then he apologised for crying??? "No, no, no … no apology please" I said. 

Crying is not just a reaction, but a critical biological process. 

When a catastrophic event like Hurricane Melissa strikes, the damage extends far beyond physical landscapes, for the psychological stress generated by the threat, uncertainty, loss and displacement literally floods the human system, making emotional crying a crucial part of the recovery process.

Natural disasters are supreme stressors that overwhelm the human body’s ability to maintain balance (homeostasis). Crying literally serves as the body’s emergency relief valve, flushing stress hormones and then calming the nervous system to increase pain tolerance.

You see emotional tears are chemically different. They contain higher concentrations of stress hormones, and crying is a mechanism to expel those toxic compounds that have built up from the fear and anxiety, to reduce stress. Then after a good cry, that deep, rhythmic breathing and those bodily muscle movements activate soothing Somehow you feel better for the good cry right even though nothing has actually changed. Why? Because it has increased levels of oxytocin and endorphins, the chemicals are vital in a disaster context, promoting calmness and increasing pain tolerance to help us humans begin the daunting task of recovery. 

Sharing the tears, (in IRL or through media) bypasses language barriers and is a clear signal to any human being on the planet for an urgent need for connection. Tears immediately draw attention and solicit an empathetic response because tears are a non-verbal sign of acute distress, so while they accelerate healing they are also a clear call to action for support from other humans.  

In short, please don't apologise for crying, our tears are a human physiological process designed to regulate internal chemistry, restore nervous system balance, and harness the power of social support, all essential steps in moving from survival to resilience. The small gestures matter, connect, be human, be a support, be a listening ear, let the tears flow and have tissues to hand.

When you just can’t

Sometimes, the weight of the world feels like it's pressing down on you so hard that all you want to do is vanish. Not in a dramatic, attention-seeking way, but to simply cease to be available, to escape the relentless demands, the constant noise, and the sheer exhaustion of it all. Does this sound familiar?

Maybe it's because it's mental health awareness month, or because I'm headed out of office on vacay next week, but notably, in the last couple of weeks I've encountered numerous persons (including myself), whose bodies and minds aren't just telling us to slow down, but are forcing a stop. Recognising when our bodies and brains are dealing with multiple emergencies at the same time is not always obvious. Knowing that we need to step back and give ourselves a moment (even when the family, workplace and friends are screaming full speed ahead!) is crucial, as it can be too easy to lose sight of our own limits sometimes don’t you think? 

Whether you're juggling bad news, sickness, health concerns, deadlines, family responsibilities or personal challenges, the chances are that you are simultaneously also trying to maintain a facade of competence and composure that fits the curated version of yourself. We can be our own worst enemies sometimes, and our good intentions can mean pushing ourselves harder and harder until the pressure becomes unbearable or we have damaged important relationships in the process or even neglected some really important tasks. While a testament to our capacity for endurance, when our physical, emotional and/or mental reserves are depleted, time out now can save us (and those we love) from longer term impacts. 

First and foremost this is not a sign of failure, poor time management, or a lack of hustle. Maybe your mind is a relentless producer of good ideas or your passion and commitment feels unstoppable or maybe your line manager places endless pressure on you to optimize and maximize (read: your high performance and hard work are met with yes…even more hard work). Eventually though something may have to give! Recognising this need is a strength! So…what’s the absolute minimum you need to do right now? Which good idea can you safely delete from that to-do list (forever)? Think ruthless re-prioritisation! Because, sometimes, growth and impact comes not from pushing harder and trying to do more, but from having the energy to stop and refocus on what truly matters! (Read: Number one on that list, should be you!) 

Deciding to disappear from your usual routine(s) can be a strange feeling, if you've ever hit the internal reset button, you may be familiar with that moment where your phone stops buzzing, your to-do list evaporates, and the expectations of others fades momentarily into the background. It's heavenly. And if you've never hit that reset button before, be warned, it can be kinda jarring as even if for just a brief, period, there's no need to be on, there's no performance to deliver, no social mask to wear. Just silence and stillness. It's pretty profound and will most definitely stir up some interesting feelings and questions.

For me this means taking a long, silent walk by myself, in a quiet place, or simply closing my eyes and listening to music. For others, talking, or voicing feelings can lighten the load, for me, nah, not so much, I'm more of a do-er than a talker when it comes to self-care. The key though is to prioritise the self-care that is right for you. Whether it's getting sleep, eating well, taking a break from work, social media, news feeds, whatever is going to restore your balance. 

Feeling like you wish you could just disappear is a profound signal from your mind and body that you need a break, some space, and perhaps a moment to yourself. It's a reminder that even the strongest among us need time to recharge and reconnect with what truly matters! Somedays it's too easy to judge ourselves and assume everyone else has 'all their ducks in a row' but please don't. Instead focus your energy on what will nourish you and what you can let go of and do instead to bring restoration and balance back.

That said…see you in a few weeks! It’s time for me to take a break and recharge and replenish!

Air Travel Ballet

I consider myself a relatively rational human being and I definitely don’t understand the principles of aerodynamics, so as the luggage is pulled out for our upcoming trip let the air ballet warm-up begin! The priming begins pre-flight of course, there is so much to prepare for isn’t there? 

For a start surviving the first round of queues. Or, more accurately, a series of concentric circles of queues, each leading to, yes, another queue, all designed to funnel you, like a particularly bewildered sheep. It’s reminiscent of the good old Nokia snake game! (Note to self: Must pack the empty water bottle!)

Followed by the security tango. Shoes off, shoes on? Belt on, belt off? Dignity… well, let’s just say it’s temporarily ‘off’ as inevitably, someone, always forgets to take out their liquids, or bag the liquids according to some new rule (read: yes that’s me!) It’s like a tiny, repetitive drama playing out every few minutes. The audible sigh from the staff, the frantic rummaging, the triumphant extraction of a half-full bottle of water as the heat rises the suspense is quite unbearable!

After security comes freezing cold over-priced shopping, sipping and snacking as you saunter towards the gate. There's the predictable "How can I upgrade my seats?" conversations as the staff try to herd passengers promptly. The polite garbled announcement of "We invite passengers in group xyz” is, of course, universally interpreted as a call to stampede "EVERYONE TO THE FRONT AT ONCE, FIGHT FOR OVERHEAD BIN SPACE LIKE IT'S YOUR BIRTHRIGHT!" 

My personal favourite, "Sir, there is a problem with your carry-on, or, are you transporting a small, fully furnished studio apartment?" as the queue grows in length. Ah, boarding! The moment when the human spirit truly shines... or more accurately buckles under the weight of those oversized bags, enormous hats, guitars, duty-free purchases so vast they could furnish a small beach-bar, and the occasional miniature pet carrier (if I’m lucky). And so, after the inevitable checks that cause a delay (of course), there is a brief moment of an exhilarating thrust, and then… the gentle hum as we finally get airborne. 

However, it is a hum that rapidly morphs into a low drone, punctuated by the rustle of snack packs, the toilet door opening and closing, over-head bins opening and closing and the incessant, rhythmic thunk-thunk-thunk of the drinks trolley. The ‘service’ is, of course, a highlight of any flight. Even if you decline the food you are ensnared in the delicate dance of the flight attendant trying to serve drinks without spilling them down the aisles, attempts at movement at this time is absolutely futile! But perhaps the greatest amusement, comes from our fellow passengers. There’s the persons who cheer and clap when the plane takes off or lands (these are my people! I'm all about the applause. Jamaica wins the gold medal here, every time!) 

Eventually, we will be back on the tarmac, when up springs that one person who is convinced that the moment the wheels touch down, that the emergency exits will open instantly and they’ll be the first off the plane, straight onto the tarmac. 

At disembarkation, that glorious moment of arrival, the chaotic scramble in reverse begins again fuelled by a desperate dash for passport control, and the overwhelming urge to just breathe regular, unpressurised air. Air travel is a beautifully absurd, sometimes slightly stressful, utterly captivating ballet of human behaviour, bad coffee, and the occasional unexpected turbulence. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really have to start packing…Vegas TomorrowLand here we come!!!

My Toughest Year Yet?

As the annual performance review looms, I find myself in a familiar place, reflecting on the year and thinking, "Wow, this has been a lot, really tough!" and then, a little lightbulb goes off, yes, I had the exact same thought last year!

If you've ever felt this way too, you're not alone. It's actually a common human experience that highlights a fascinating interplay between our psychology and our brain's wiring. Whether we're excited for a slow-burn transformation or complaining that the pace of change is glacial, one thing is certain, change and adaptation takes a toll, cognitively and emotionally. 

Imagine you have a personal account with the bank of Adaptation Energy. Why? Well psychologists view our capacity to cope with new situations (whether positive or negative) as a finite resource. So, every time we learn a new software system, adjust to a new team member, or even embrace a new goal, we draw from our personal adaptation energy account. If you have had a year full of micro-changes (new policies, shifting priorities, exciting new projects, and good changes like promotions), you're constantly depleting this bank account. Now factor in some macro changes and whatever other gifts for growth life has offered you in 2025 so far and it’s not surprising you may be starting to feel the burn!

Our brain's biology provides a universal truth which is that our prefrontal cortex, the brain's executive control center, (responsible for planning, decision-making, and error correction) has to go into over-drive during change. When a routine task changes even ‘ever-so-slightly’, the brain can no longer rely on those existing efficient, automatic neural pathways. It has to consciously analyse the new situation, inhibit old habits, and create new ones. This cognitive load consumes varying amounts of mental energy (glucose), and can lead to feelings of fatigue.

Our brains crave certainty and stability because predictability is metabolically cheap. When things are stable, the brain can save energy. Change, by its very nature, introduces unpredictability. This triggers the threat detection system (the amygdala) even if the change is positive. A new project or promotion, for example, may be great, however it also introduces unknowns and newness, be it people, a new lead, responsibilities etc. all keeping the amygdala on high alert.  

I am working on reframing the thought, "this year is tough" and instead I’m trying to choose to recognise it as a sign of psychological and neurological growth. It is the signature of a brain that has been actively re-wiring, adapting, and growing. So, as you head into that performance review, don’t forget to take a moment to acknowledge your evolution too!